OMG, so I got an email from w that she doesn't want to correspond outside of an attorney and that's why didn't answer. So I call the school back and the secretary tells me she said they aren't absent. So I misheard her and got all this started with attorneys and made myself look bad. I hope this doesn't hurt me down the road. My state won't appoint shared custody unless both parents agree, this is sickening since I know her plan is in full swing as I suspected.
BREATHE! Follow your lawyer's advice. You can't rationalize w/someone who is emotional and off the rails. At some point, you may get the opportunity to let her know that you misheard her about the kids being in school.
For now, focus on you...it's a two step forward, one step back dance right now. You can't "assume" anything that she may do.
Continue to move forward.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Thank you job and Sotto! Sotto, later today I remembered your post from awhile back. "I remain calm in the face of fear. I remain calm in the face of pain. I remain calm in the face of anger. I remain calm in the face if surprises. I remain calm in the face of anything. I remain calm. I breathe into fear. I breathe into pain. I breathe into anger. I breathe into surprises. I breathe into anything. I breathe."
So through a bunch of correspondence, I found out today that w is planning her move in July and the guardian attorney advised her to tell me of her plans (I told her this was a major concern of mine yesterday at our first meeting so it must have come up later when w talked to her). In an email I was told she thought every other week was appropriate until w moves and then every 2 weeks after that. W's attorney said how w got a raise but has to move and also has now mentioned "dirty laundry", how w can't talk to me (well we've been texting and she's come over here etc), and how I can't have custody and keep my job, etc in her email to the other attorneys in. In w's email to me she says she got a change in job title and increase in commission rate (not the same as raise!), especially since where she is moving is a dying city, there was just a news article how the streets were lined with for sale signs! It's a bust town, there is even a syndrome named after that town!
Stressful day but I did speak w my boss and he said they'd work with me to do whatever I needed in regard to travel.
I have a meeting with the guardian attorney Tuesday, I've printed off all the emails from w, good and bad, I plan on laying it all out for her. Trying to keep my head up and think positive.
here's the thing: what you have done is shown that you won't mess around if she takes the kids. So, that's not a bad thing. You cannot change what's happened, only move forward. Keep breathing. Keep moving forward with your lawyers ...You can do this. We are here for you. xoxoxo
M 20+ T25+ S ~15.5 (BD) BD 4/6/15 D 12/23/16
"Someone I loved once gave me A box full of darkness. It took me years to understand, That this too, was a gift." ~ Mary Oliver
Thank you buttrfly. I had a tough weekend, worried sick and not sleeping again and it was so nice to read this before I left for work and my appointment this morning.
I found out Saturday that w's move in date is the 12th of this month so every other week is out of the question. I met with guardian attorney this morning and we talked for 2 hours and I think it went well. She had the same concerns I have that I didn't even have to bring up. She is going to meet with w and then do a home visit with each of us. I feel better after today, hopefully I can sleep tonight.
I texted with w tonight and we agreed to every 2 weeks for the summer. I spoke with guardian attorney about this today and I feel it was best considering where things are at in the sitch. I just can't see how any other schedule is even close to acceptable for the kids or me. Best of the worst I guess.
I asked w if I could have them to go out for ice cream tonight and she dropped them off for awhile. We had a good night and w was here for about an hour when she picked them up; however, I think she was being nice since she got her way (in part at least). Kids had a good night though, so in turn I did too.
Another part of my stress/not sleeping is my brother is getting married this weekend so the cats out if the bag because the last thing I want to do is answer where w is all weekend. For the most part, I feel people here are really the only ones who understand, as IDT this isn't a normal split.
Hi Kyh, maybe the summer schedule will work out well for you & the kids. And you can always change it if it doesn't (well, most likely only if the kids are not happy but you can always try). As for the wedding, make it only about your brother. You deserve to have some fun so just tell everyone that it's your brother's day & you don't want to spoil it. I know it's difficult but... My h & I went for the wedding of his cousin earlier this year, after we separated. And I must say it would have been better if he didn't go. He didn't talk to anyone, was visibly down while I was dancing & talking with his family & our kids. He was just watching from the distance. Everyone wanted to know what's wrong with him, asking me, of course... But I didn't let him spoil the fun. Be strong & try to get some sleep! Will think of you during the weekend!
I've been trying to catch up on threads after being gone a few days but haven't got far. I was going to this evening but got an email from the guardian attorney about doing a visit this week and I have barely went into the basement since w left so I had to start cleaning after I put the kids to bed tonight. I cleaned the downstairs bathroom w was using before she moved out. Unbelievable, just gross.
My end of last week/weekend was pretty good but I felt a whirlwind of emotions and ended can up crying a good while on our way home yesterday just because I had to hold it in over the weekend from time to time and can't believe what w has thrown awayand how it has affected the kids with little regard from her. The weekend was really hard at times but overall was good.
Weird, but Wednesday night my work car got egged (my car is in the garage). Strange because I drove down our street and didn't see any others. Idt w did it but it made me wonder if om was in town, etc. I wouldn't think this if I would've seen any others, but just me. Crazy that these thoughts even go through my mind now, lol.
I got the kids Thursday night, w texted earlier asking me when she could drop them off because they were excited because they knew I got them skates (they've been begging me for weeks). I left work early so they could come over and W stayed around for 2 hours, she looked terrible and acted depressed. She made a comment about "is there anything you don't have here?" To the kids. She was trying to tell them how to skate wrong and argued with me when I was trying to teach them (she can't skate, lol) . The next day they picked it up a lot better without her there.
It's terrible, but when I get them from her, it takes a day of so to get the kids I know back. This weekend was good for them, they got to be around their cousins close in age and seem like kids again!
I think she was feeling bad because the friday she asked for my b's address so she could send a gift . She texted at a bad time to talk to kids but I sent pics and she thanked me for them. She texted early in the morning Saturday (woke me up) and told me to tell them she loved them. I had s call later when he and I were driving and then she texted again when she knew we were at the reception. I sent more pics and she thanked me again and had brief texts. Then she texted to talk to them yesterday but they didn't talk much because they were worn out. We went to a private lake of family's yesterday so I sent pics of them playing with cousins, swimming, kayaking, paddle boarding, etc. and apologized that they were so tired. Crickets until about midnight (much later) when she responded and woke me up. I really wonder what's going through her mind right now. Why would she respond 4 hours later?
And awhile back I mentioned trouble with baby talk. Well, it's really bad now, and d is starting too. Job, you mentioned w was probably encouraging it. I didn't think so at the time but I heard her doing it last week! I have been having to correct both kids since I've had them.
The stress this puts on them is brutal. At times they will look 5-10 years older. Reading into your post the guilt she probably has with the kids could be driving this. Its part of the crap sandwich MLC serves up.
The emotions you will experience are going to be all over the place in various degrees .... just know its normal, you have a right to be angry/sad/ all that and sometimes all at the same time, process through them and own them ... sometimes I had to just sit with my anger outside for 10-20-30 minutes in order to find center again ... you too in time will find peace despite all this.
And awhile back I mentioned trouble with baby talk. Well, it's really bad now, and d is starting too.
the other reason this sometimes happens is regression due to stressful situations. Might not be a bad idea to check with the lawyer about a good children's therapist. They may need a safe place to vent.
As for the stuff W does. I know it's hard to detach from her and the other aspects of what was your extended family. But trust me, it won't be helpful for you to talk to her about them. From the sounds of it, she won't likely (for a long time anyway) be that kind of ex that you can be friends or even friendly with. Maybe things will change, but...
AJ
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK Put the glass down... "Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
Hmmm, I know what you mean when kids come back to you different. My boys are big but I saw the change in them after 5 days with their father. I felt guilty a bit. 3 days after I came back from my trip, the "little" one was always asleep when I came back from work in the evening. He went to bed when back from school & was unpleasant when we woke him up to dinner. He does that when there is something that bothers him. It took us a week to get back to usual dynamics.
But looks like you had some fun during the weekend. Happy to read that! Put your phone on silent when you go to sleep. I started to do that a few weeks ago. I thought I cannot do that in case H would need me during the night. Now I need my sleep more :-)... Hope the GA visit went/will go well! As for the egg... Could be just a coincidence. What would be his motive?
