Hi twinmom did y and ur h get back together. I have had a bad couple of days. H has blocked me from Facebook which hurt. Really don't know why he has done that.....not that I posted anything on his wall or anything. Doesn't realise though if I wanted to I could still see his wall on our sons account. Ridiculous.
Think he's really angry at me for sorting out my separate mediation.
Hi twinmom did y and ur h get back together. I have had a bad couple of days. H has blocked me from Facebook which hurt. Really don't know why he has done that.....not that I posted anything on his wall or anything. Doesn't realise though if I wanted to I could still see his wall on our sons account. Ridiculous.
Think he's really angry at me for sorting out my separate mediation.
Are we still married? Yes Does he regret everything? Yes Does he 'love me"? Yes
Do I love him? I don't really know Do I want a divorce? Most days yes Can I forgive everything that happened? I don't think so
Don't look at his FB or OW's, I had a VERY hard time with this kind of stuff. It is easier said than done but honestly it only hurts you. Have you considered going dark? It might be worthwhile to help you detach. I had a hard time taking the advice I was given here and wish I had done so many things differently. I was pregnant, emotional & trying to raise 4 kids on my own.
Me: 35 husband:39 Sons 16 and 11 from my first marriage Twins 5 (boy/girl) Daughter 3 Affair bomb 2/27/14 He moved in with ow 3/13/14 OW kicked him out 6/15/14 4/2016 he seeks help for sexual addiction
Hi twinmom did y and ur h get back together. I have had a bad couple of days. H has blocked me from Facebook which hurt. Really don't know why he has done that.....not that I posted anything on his wall or anything. Doesn't realise though if I wanted to I could still see his wall on our sons account. Ridiculous.
Think he's really angry at me for sorting out my separate mediation.
I've been blocked from Ws FB for about 4-5 years... Looking back it started about the time MLC started. Why do they do it?? Well they are teens, need that door locked so they can do what they want without mommy/daddy finding out and judging.... MLCrs HATE pressure and judgement.
You can not control what they do, there comes a time you will not worry about FB as you figure out the detachment... Something I was horrible with to be candid and honest.
Are you looking for someone's threads or you want to post someone's link ?
I would like to share my information with you, first what JOB and SOTTO mentioned are so true !!! Midlife crisis is not about you, it is about your husband. We might made some mistakes of our marriage, but who doesn't when it comes to relationship ? Please don't take it personally, please don't buy the words your husband said, they are in deep black tunnel, he can't see the light, he is in great pain... I know I know, you feels the pain greater than him.
I'm 20 months post bombed, I'm standing for marriage now. My husband moved out of our apartment last May. He bombed me with the classic lines - I love you but I am not in love with you. There was emotional affair as prelude of his confusion and then he had physical affair with a very young woman... money spending, angry spewing, drinking, outfit changing, he throw his wedding band to me and said - I don't know how I'm going to do with our marriage.
It started 18-24 months before bomb dropped the time my grandma passed away, he entered into his crisis, he became cold and distant gradually. He doesn't care about me nor the family. I ask him constantly "what's wrong" he kept saying - nothing's wrong. I just had the feeling that our relationship is not the same anymore.
One thing I need to point out; I will give you link of Job's posts later; please note that those who have midlife crisis had terrible childhood or family issue. It is so true. Through these 20 months, I learned that my husband had very miserable childhood. His mother is handicapped woman, his father abandoned them for years. His father had affairs also. It is an emotional polluted family. My husband told me, ever since he had memory, his parents were fighting to each other and threatening for divorcing in front of the children all the time.
Could you picture the trauma a young boy had? They can not feel the love from parents, they pretended they felt nothing, they went numb to avoid those emotions that could not be handled at young age. Once I learned this, I have compassion towards him although he said so much mean things to me in past 20 months, not to mention he pushes me for divorce every month.
He even told me that he had a really great time when he got alone with OW. He said the OW is so easy going (LOL)
I try not to 'bother' him, just leave him there, it is really difficult, I have to say. I got weak sometimes... give your husband to God, right now, we can do nothing to help him but everything to protect yourself and your kids.
Oh, for your information, he had his saving spent in 12 months. Fortunately, I have a job, I have my own money.
I want to give you a hug, I know how hard it is, please take good care of yourself and get a life, do something for yourself !
H : 40 Me : 42 kids : 0 Married 9 years BD/verified ow : Sep. 2014 Moved out : June 2015 he enjoy hanging with young people he had hair style(outfit) changed he had all his money spent he drank a lot (he never like alcohol before) he blames me for EVERYTHING he had multiple affairs he came from an emotional polluted family, parents fought all the time. he told me he felt something wasn't right when my grandma died 2012 spring.
Am just so tired of this. The ow isn't even all that but he looks so happy in the pics. Just can not understand how the man I married could walk away from his own children and think it's ok to live with another mans child.
I look back over the last year and the whole thing is bizarre
Yeah I have read this before. His parents did have a nasty divorce. His mum walked out with the 2 younger children. H stayed with his dad and his dad moved in his secretary ( now wife) and her son the next day.
H has always had issues about people walking away from him ( because his mother did) and as I have mentioned before there was the issue of his father not talking to him for, then, 11 years , and him seeing him again at the funeral and his dad rejecting him. Could be his really be what's causing this.
If so there will be no resolution with his dad as I know that his dad has told h brother that he won't make it up with him ever...so if I'm thinking he'll wake up when he makes up with his dad that is never going to happen.
I don't know...maybe he has found someone better. His sister says he is completely taken with ow. Maybe I was a crap wife. I definitely didn't give him as much intimacy as he probably wanted.
The things he has done have been despicable. I don't recognise him as the man I have known half my life .
Do understand your feeling, I had the same feeling for months after bomb dropped. He blamed me for everything(like I'm a crap wife too) and I soon found the young woman he had emotion affair and an even younger woman he had physical relationship.
You see that ? the other women are band-aid as Job and Sotto said. I know, even they are band-aid or his crutch, we spouses got hurt. We need to heal and start our journey. You are great woman, you took good care of yourself and your kids !!
I had the exact same feeling as you did - this is not the man I married ! We've been together for 13 years and now I have problem in recognizing him as the one I know for so long. The man in midlife crisis is the the opposite mirror one. The love he had for you is not gone but buried so deep(learned from posts of Hearts Blessing) And he is in dark tunnel, he can not see a thing and he has to work things out by himself. There is nothing we could do to help them.
I live by myself and start to do things for myself. Don't lose faith, you keep reading from this forum, there are many who made it and have marriage restored !
Mia, please do take good care, try not to worry about him that much, God has his way in fixing this man.
