I stumbled across your website this morning looking for advice on what to do to end my wife's affair. She says it is over and she is committed to me and the boys and that she knows the guy is not a good person or who she would EVER want our boys around. Evidence she might be telling me the truth is that he has been calling the house and I have caught him driving by.
Background:
I am not rationalizing my wife's affair at all. She is ultimately culpable for her actions. She has a severe history or trauma and was diagnosed with PTSD and takes an antipsychotic and an antidepressant. Her ex-husband beat and raped her for years and she has been beaten up her whole life by her family and several boyfriends both psychologically and physically.
When I met her she told he she was 5 years clean and sober and she gravitated to me because I am a good man, had a great job and she wanted to go a different direction in life.
The first several years were great and then when she got pregnant, everything changed. Her family started paying for her ex-husband to get custody of our son and we fought a court battle the whole time she was pregnant. We thankfully won the battle and I had the privilege of adopting her son.
However, during the birth, she had a psychological meltdown. She started seeing people and she started hearing voices. She eventually had to see a psychiatrist for this.
Around 8 months ago, she met this guy while buying tires. He introduced her back into drugs and alcohol and she goes out once or twice a week and never comes home until the next morning. She hates herself and what she is doing. She loves me and doesn't want me to leave her. It ignites great fear in her. Yet, I see the addictions so bad in her that she might be incapable of changing.
She was seeing a therapist for months but it didn't help. I finally stopped paying for it. I have been devastated by the whole thing. She even says the guy is mean to her, has threatened to hit her and rapes her when she is passed out drunk at his house.
Leaving right now is just too fearful to me because we have two little boys that: 1. I don't trust her being alone with for a week. 2. I don't want her introducing this guy or any other drug addict into their lives.
I've tried it all and being loving and detaching works for a while and then she goes back to the addictions. It is getting harder for her to do this--as I see the guilt and shame getting worse with her. I also think limerence has wained considerably over the last month. But she isn't affectionate to me, nor does she meet any of my needs. When she comes home she gets stoned and typically falls asleep on the couch. I know she is in terrible pain from her past and every time her family yells at her, she flies the coup for the evening. Its predicable. I don't think she is trying to hurt me or the boys. Its just a way of coping. Am I right?
You may be on moderation now, post in small frequent replies and stay on this thread until you reach 100 posts (for your thread, you can also post on other peoples threads to give support). Especially on this Newcomers forum, where the posting activity is very active, and your posts can quickly fall to the bottom of the page or even several pages down. Keep journaling and asking questions - people will come! Most important - POST!
Get out and Get a Life (GAL). DETACH.
Believe none of what he or she says and half of what he/she does.
Have NO EXPECTATIONS.
Take care of yourself, breathe, eat, sleep, exercise.
Take the parts of this advice that you need and don't worry if I have repeated something that you have already done.
Here are a few links to threads that will help you immensely:
People who are victims of psychological trauma are often driven to seek out more of the same chaos because that is what they are used to and comfortable with. It sounds like your W needs a lot of individual treatment for her personal issues, above and beyond anything that is going on with your marriage. Unless/until these issues are addressed, salvaging the marriage is likely to be very difficult. If counseling has been unsuccessful to this point, would it be possible to try a different mental health professional? Perhaps a different type of therapy or combination of meds may be beneficial. Psychotic disorders are very difficult to treat, but not impossible if you can establish a type of treatment that works.
Your first priority, however, needs to be the health and safety of your boys. You may not be able to prevent your W from engaging in risky, addiction fueled behavior, but you need a plan to keep your children safe in the case of any such eventuality. Even though your goal is to save your marriage, I would consider a legal consultation to consider all your options regarding the kids.
Just keep POSTING and one other bit of advice from Wonka that I totally agree with.
Originally Posted By: Wonka
Get DR/DB book. Keep this to yourself. DO NOT share this book or this site at all with your spouse. It is your playbook and not to be shared with the "opposing" team.
It is important to clear the search/browsing history from your computer on a daily basis to prevent the possibility for your WAS to stumble on the DB site and discover your posts here on DB. Erasing the search history will protect your posts and you as well.
We have seen too many Marriages blow up in pieces after the WAS discovers the DB site or DR book. Why is that? It is because the WAS thinks, erroneously I might add, that you are "manipulating" them back into the M.
Keep the DR book and DB site very close to your vest.
Thanks for responding. The legal advice I have been given is to document everything. The problem is that she goes off and does it and comes home the next morning. I cannot leave her alone with the boys--as I don't trust her with the addictions and I certainly don't want her abusive boyfriend around them.
She is going back to therapy starting this week and I really believe she wants help to change. It is so hard to see her destroy herself. It is devastating to me and the boys. She feels terrible for doing this and if there is any good news, the times she sees him are getting fewer and far between.
She absolutely does not want me to leave her. But, like other addictions, an affair is an addiction too. I have even seen him driving by our house. He is so brazen that he even leaves messages on our home phone.
It's been 9 months. Does anyone have advice? I hear that traditional methods like the 180 approach do not work with a person with deep-seated trauma.
Incidentally I have complex PTSD rather than medicate with OM, drugs (legal or prescription) or alcohol or food or anything else.
I have chosen a route of study, prayer and management of it. There are choices that your WW can make.
Only she can make them.
Your choice is to keep your children safe and frankly this OM is one of the classiest on the board (not). Truly difficult. --------------------------------
My XWH is a compulsive gambler, smoker, alcoholic, and womaniser. So I have a little understanding of your sitch.
You may want to visit Thornton thread to read.
V
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
Thanks for all the responses. Whenever she keeps back from a binge of alcohol and who knows what with the other guy. She comes home with deep remorse and begs me not to leave. She has been loving this weekend but it is a cycle. She starts pulling away, she runs (she's always been a runner), comes home the next morning sick as a dog, tells me what a horrible person she is and what a bad wife and mother she is. Then I hear that she is sick of living like this. Then the cycle repeats.
She is starting therapy again this week. I am going to take the 180 approach. It is going to be tough not to ask where she is or what she is doing. Also, I've stopped asking who she is texting, etc.. Whenever I try to go anywhere for myself she freaks out and begs me not to go. When she is at home she is glued to my hip. Its the most bizarre behavior. Any experience with this?
Thanks for the comments from all. She does have a choice. It is like a cycle she goes through. She will fly away and leave the children and I at home. She will come home the next morning sicker than a dog. She will act so remorseful and says she will never do it again. Then by mid-week she pulls away and repeats the process. I know she hates herself for what she is doing to the children and me. I also believe she does not want me to leave her and is most fearful. Its unhealthy when she is home because I can't go upstairs without her asking me where I am going. If i try to leave for a while she doesn't want me to go. If I'm gone for 10 minutes longer than she thinks I am suppose to be gone she is blowing me up. Or, the whole time I'm gone she is texting me asking how things are going.
You are right. It's like she is two different people. When she is not in that mode she is loving and wants to be with the kid and me. But, when she gets in that mode she cares nothing for us or how we feel. That's where the OM comes into play.
It's so frustrating because I know its not what she wants in life. When she runs off like that I don't sleep and have nightmares of what they are doing.
I've got to remove myself from the triangle. Right now I am unemployed so moving out is not the answer right now. But, I've read a lot of posts and I can do the loving detachment plan.
As painful as it is, I have to admit I'm a fixer aka- codependent. There is an all men's al-anon meeting this Thursday night I am going to attend.
Scott...Vanilla is right. Addiction is an illness, not a choice. Your wife is remorseful for her behavior because this probably isn't the person she wants to be, but she isn't currently equipped to change it either. Thats why the cycle keeps repeating itself. As long as you continue to be tethered to her while she is engaging in these unhealthy behaviors, you will just be along for the ride. I think you are on the right track though. If she is as afraid of losing you as it sounds, perhaps your detachment and the fear of the marriage ending might be enough to spur her toward seeking healthy changes. At the very least, you need this for yourself and your boys. You are no good to anyone else if you aren't healthy yourself.
Honestly, you can't work on a relationship with a drug addict that has other psychological issues as well. You have bigger fish to fry. Get her away from these toxic people and get her professional help. She needs in-patient treatment for addiction and her psychological issues. There's no point in you making decisions about the marriage in her current state. Address those things first, then address the marriage.
Thanks all. She is going back to therapy for her trauma tomorrow. She did it on her own. Im just supportive of her doing it. She's been to rehab twice years ago and it never worked for her. She just got tired of it and quit.
Perhaps the distance i need to put in place with boundaries will also add to her stopping the addictions. The OM is an addiction too, Its fewer-and-farther between when she sees him. I'm doing my best not to say a word about him to her. But its tough when her phone is blowing up and its him. I've stopped checking her phone, Facebook, email, etc.... I'm letting go.
This weekend she was home all weekend. She had to go to a meeting yesterday and she came home and said, "I came home. Aren't you glad I came home?" This happened several times.
So bizarre. She also wants to know where I am non-stop. I think it is due to fear of me leaving.
Addictions can be so scary. You didn't break her and you can't fix her. She is the only one that can change the bad cycle of addiction. The good news is that she is remorseful and back in therapy.
You are at a very fragile point in this relationship and it would be extremely helpful to know what your next move should be. Feel free to give me a call at 303-444-7004 to discuss how we can best help you determine what to do next.
Cristy Resource Coordinator The Divorce Busting Center 303-444-7004
A Divorce Busting Coach can help you save your marriage, even when your spouse wants out.
Email virginia@divorcebusting.com or 303-444-7004 for more information or to get started right away.
She left an hour ago to go to a fabric store that is literally a block from her OM's house. I said bye and didn't say a word to her about being near him--a big change. If she comes home later than she should, I will not say a word. I'll just do my thing, be positive, and act as if nothing affects me. Pleading, questioning, etc... will only make it worse.
She is being assessed by her therapist tomorrow and he might recommend hospitalization.
Lovely, as long as you enable this it will continue.
Detatch from the outcome and set your boundaries, at this moment your WW is having ano addicted life.
Please accept that until you change your tolerance of it then it will keep cycling.
My very strong recommendation is 12 step for YOU.
You have not commented on this and I think it is because you may not want this to change. As long as WW is addicted and putting on a show of abstaining that allows you to continue.
This post is probably one of the hardest posts that I have had to write and I do so because I wished some one had been this straight with me early on.
V
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
I went to my first al-anon meeting! It was hard to go. Hard to accept this is my life. I don't understand the OM. I'm not being ugly but he has 5 DUI's and is a horrible person--for many moral reasons. I don't understand what she sees in him. I am an executive.
Regardless, you are right and I thank you for being straight with me. She is back in therapy twice a week and I have stopped any sort of physical contact with her. I came home from a job fair last night and she was stoned asleep on the couch and our 8 year old was laying next to her trying to wake her up because she was supposed to change his sheets on his bed so he could go to sleep. Obviously I can't leave her with the kids. And it would cost me 10 grand to try to take them away.
As strange as it sounds, we get along great when she is not running off. Can I ask your advice? She is a wedding coordinator and when she runs off and doesn't come home Saturday night, what is the best way to act on Sunday morning when she comes home guilty and remorseful? This is one I really need help with.
I feel stuck and helpless. Sorry, but I am very depressed tonight.
There is something I want to say and it is very important I think.
This is the worst it will be. Attending twelve step doing so is for you. The start of your journey to discovering yourself and your life. Your acknowledgement to healing and creating your life for yourself and your children.
Acceptance as the first step is both the hardest and the most painful of all the steps. Acceptance that the things you have most influence about are within you. Acceptance that you need although reluctantly the support of others.
I know that the knowledge lies within you to heal your side of the disfunction for your children. Twelve steps and this board work together in your life to support you. Real life regular support from those who have worn the T shirt is important in your recovery. They know as few can how this is. You are no longer alone and that is important.
This is vital to the turnaround which now begins in your life.
An OM of this type is a poor quality partner and alcoholics choose these types of EA as they support addiction. It is part of the addiction pattern. My XWH is an alcoholic, gambler, smoker and womaniser. He chose to abstain rather than recover. I have chosen to recover, it's a harder path initially and in the long run a much better one.
There are your children and you do this for them, to protect, love and guide your children.
It is a brave brave step, and whilst it is not my place to do so I am proud of you. Very much.
I will be here offering you my full support in this wonderful Internet world.
Healing has begun.
Hugs
V
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
Thank you Vanilla. I would love to talk to you on the phone if possible. I don't know the polices of this forum--as I am new. So if i violated a boundary I am sorry. I just need advice desperately from someone that has lived this nightmare. I have children to protect.
On the positive note, she is trying to get better. She is going to therapy twice a week now.
When your WW comes home after a Saturday night then you enforce your boundaries.
Firstly your boundary must be clear and there will need to be consequences that you can enforce.
If your WW is in recovery then the Saturday night frolics will need to cease. It may even be that she needs to stop being a wedding planner and follow an occupation which does not involve hospitality and being away Saturday nights connected to alcohol.otherwise her recovery is a sop to appease you. Clearly WW has not hit the rock bottom which causes her to want recovery.
Your boundary is your boundary.
What is your boundary on recovery?
How will you reinforce your boundary?
In alanon there will be opportunities to have mentors for different parts of your journey.
The damage to your children is incalculable and truly her actions are abusive. Neglect is one of the ACES of childhood and it causes more damage than you can ever know. WW is unfit for the responsibility of parenthood. Know that the most important thing you can do for your children is recover from the codependency which is likelying to bind you. Also be aware that by standing by you too can be neglectful. This changed today, today you stood for yourself and your children.
You can not measure this in terms of money, it will cost you and your children much more than 10,000 to recover from this. Many multiples of it for destruction of lives. Alcoholism is a fatal disease for the alcoholic and destructive for the family. Any price is worth it for your children. Please keep an addiction diary an account of the incidents and consult an L preferably one who has knowledge of addicted partners.
Getting along great when WW is out of addiction is part of the pattern that addicts use to create codependency. They do so because it works. It is their hook their promise that this time life will be different. This is called gaslighting and it's smoke and mirrors. It is disappointing that addicts behave this way and they do so to keep in addiction. To hold true to yourself and for these children is so important. In later years do you want it said by them "my mother was an addict, drugs, drink and affairs and my father stood by because he was addicted to her" or would you rather it was said "my mother was an addict, drugs, drink and affairs and although it was tough for him my father ensured our childhood was protected and we were safe".
So you ask me about your actions and words with WW. Clearly actions speak louder than words in this. The answer lies within you.
So let's discuss the boundary and the options, these are just suggestions:
1. As long as you are addicted WW then you are not responsible or capable of looking after our children. I am putting them first in my life and I am attending Alanon for support. I am serious about my own recovery and that of our children. I will take action if your recovery fails. I believe you need to change your job and attend rehab.
2. WW the incident with S8 the other evening and you being high in his presence was a real wake up call for me. I intend to protect our children from your addiction. If this happens again then I may consider affirming action and I will ask you to leave. I don't want our children exposed to drink and drugs, and in this state please do not return home and be in our home with our children.
3. Say nothing and if WW is drunk or high near the children then you ask her family or friends to remove her from your home. If no other person is responsible for her book a cheap hotel room and leave her there. We had a 12 step member who did this and told her WH that he was not to return home in this state. On the third occasion she put him in the car which she put on the street and called the police who found him drunk in his car and arrested him. It was a real wake up call for him.
4. Lock the door and refuse entry on Sunday, her stuff is in garbage bags.
-------------------------------
There are many choices. Behaviour has consequences.
If you change your stance then WW will change her interaction with you.
Be firm and strong, this is the most loving thing you can do for your children, yourself and tangentially for WW. If she continues her health will be completely destroyed and that will very costly.
Her A is the least of your problems in this.
Step up to step 2.
Hugs
V5
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
Thank you Vanilla. I would love to talk to you on the phone if possible. I don't know the polices of this forum--as I am new. So if i violated a boundary I am sorry. I just need advice desperately from someone that has lived this nightmare. I have children to protect.
On the positive note, she is trying to get better. She is going to therapy twice a week now.
Thanks so much for your help.
Regrettably it is against the contact rules for me to give you my number.
Let me marinade on it and see if I can find support for you in other ways.
Yes addiction is best assisted by those who have been through this. It is a tough gig and it will take much more than two IC sessions to overcome this level of addiction.
Fill your heart with love for yourself and your children.
Hugs
V
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
I came home a few minutes ago and saw that the OM had called our home phone. I fell back into old habits of being upset and when my wife asked why I was upset I told her. She said she is not talking to him and has no control over what he does. I then asked her to just be honest and tell me if she is still talking to him and she said "no." She has been to therapy twice this week and I suppose tomorrow night will tell-the-tale.
I did apologize for attacking her. In the event she was telling the truth. She apologized for reacting so angrily. I'm just tired of dealing with the OM. He is an addiction too. After all, he got her back into drugs and alcohol.
If she comes home hungover tomorrow I am going to leave for the day and shut off my phone. I know she is fearful of me leaving her. Unfortunately I lost my job 2 months ago and am in no position to move out. It kind of works to her advantage.
The 180's are working though. She is noticing (and not liking) that I am not always available. Case in point: i went to a job fair the other night and she was begging me not to go and even text me to come home because she missed me so much. This type of behavior confuses me to no end.
Thanks for all your help. I pray her therapist can help get her straight.
Starting work Monday working on clinical trials with a doctor friend of mine. It will pay the bills for the time until I find a better job. I've been applying and interviewing like crazy.
Woke up this morning with that sick feeling in my stomach. I'm preparing for her not to come home. What I will do differently today is not call or text her asking when she is coming home. I'm going to have a play date with some friends for S. I'll come home put him to bed, watch a movie and go to bed early so I don't sit up all night worried about her.
Thanks for asking.
Last edited by Cristy; 05/13/1610:42 AM. Reason: removed name of child
Well, the wife had a wedding to do last night. She said she was coming home early. I simply shot her a text when I knew she was lying if I should wait up for her? (I wasn't confrontational at all with her. A few hours later she wrote: Don't ask me that. I'm coming home. After the wedding.
Well, its 5:30 in the morning and she is not here. I'm tired of waking up in the middle of the night worried about her.
As expected sadly, your WW is an addict with cross addictions. I would make sure you are clear that you do not want addiction near your children.
Please ensure that you documentoo all of this.
Addicts behave like addicts, it's like saying why does that dog bark please tell it to stop barking. Dogs bark.
There is a story about a frog and a scorpion, the scorpion asked the frog to carry him across the river, the frog said you are a scorpion and will kill me. The scorpion said if I do I will drown, so the frog agreed.
Half way across the river the scorpion stung the frog, the frog said now we will both die, why? And the scorpion said I am a scorpion it is my Karma to sting.
So it is with addicts.
V
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
Thank you so much for the advice. I love the scorpion/frog analogy. It is so true. WW sent me a text on the way home asking me if I hated her. Then when she came home she admitted to going to OM's house after the wedding. Said she had a glass of wine and fell asleep. She is now sleeping on the couch and I'm going to take our son and leave for the day.
I've got to start doing things for myself instead of being my enabling self. Instead of sitting her waiting on her to wake up. I'm going to have a good day.
I have also thought a lot about your enabling comments and I have come up with some ways to stop doing it.
I even asked her this morning to pack her stuff and go live with the OM since it is affecting me and our children so much. She said no because she loves us and doesn't want to go.
It is said that the OM is nothing more than an addiction too. She doesn't love the OM and has no intention of being with him. I've got to make significant changes for myself because me being so codependent is bringing me down. Before I met her I was full of life and had a great life. I've allowed (not her fault) this situation to cause me to lose 30 pounds and I too am sick (addicted to her).
I plan on being at alanon meetings this week--provided she is not stoned when I leave.
I loved the thread you shot me from Thornton. Glad to know I don't have to go at this alone and that there are such caring people out there like you.
You are not alone, there are addicts on this board and codependents.
It is YOU and your children that concern me most. WW needs her big girl pants on.
Cake and eat it seems appropriate to me.
Your Alanon group is important in these early days, if you can find a sponsor (I found two, one for assistance in practical matters and one to give me backbone), I could literally have been poured into a wheelbarrow, I lacked a spine.
Gradually I set boundaries, it was tough and of course you are welcome to read how in pieces I was. At one point I said disgust wasn't a boundary for me, I felt I deserved the R.
I am praying for you and your children that YOU get the support you deserve. It's time for extreme self care. Really time to know your health and watch your numbers.
Keep posting and reviewing those who have dealt with similar sitches and find strength.
Big hugs
V
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
I need to get better at exploring the site to find posts regarding addicts and codependents. I started seeing a psychiatrist today. Big step for me to getting healthy. I also think finding a job is going to be huge for me--as it will give me options. Please pray for this as well.
My WW is going to the gym, get makeup and therapy this evening. I am going to keep myself busy with chores and kids and leaving her to God. Giving up the control is the hardest part for me. But I will not be texting or calling to check on her.
Thank you for all of your support.
Scott
I'm going to make it. I deserve to be treated right!!!
V asked me to check in on your sitch and lend you some support.
You have received some great advice and as I see it you are taking some good steps. I do want to reiterate with the upmost importance, that you must take care of your children. This must be your top priority.
I would also encourage that you google information about codependency. This can provide you with insights that can help you. Remember that you must focus on your behaviors and the safety of your children.
There are many here that will support you and pray for you, so keep posting, keep working to make the changes for you and your children, and gather a support group in your area that can assist you.
Me 46 Former W 46 D19 D7 BD Feb 2016 WAW moves out 4/16/16 D final 6/1/2017
It's time for me to start changin' the way I look at the world......and at myself. ~James Howlett aka Wolverine
There is little point in your WW putting on war paint and tinkering in the engine room when the ship needs to go to dry dock for an overhaul.
Presenting a facade whilst the boat is rusting underneath.
The IC isn't doing much for her and she knows that one day a complete intervention is required and as an addict has not yet reached acceptance point. For some addicts it's scraping the bottom of the barrel that creates the reality. When the weight of the barnacles and the slow leaks can no longer be patched. They are unfit to sail and stay in harbour.
For the moment she is patching her life.
Soon I think the vulnerabilities of your choice of WW will occur to you. By looking inwards the answers will come.
My prayers are with you today
V
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
I emailed with her therapist earlier today and without him telling me I knew she didn't go last night. She said she was going to the gym at 4:30 and then going to see him. She came home stoned at 7:45 last night.
Also, I knew something was up yesterday when she acted very loving and sweet to me all day long. It is as if she is trying to make me think everything is ok so she can go do what she wants to do with the OM and I won't get suspicious. I can't confront her on last night as I don't want to throw the therapist under the buss. And honestly, at this point, what good would it do?
She's been trying to call me but I am ignoring her call. She gives me hope and then pulls this and rips the scab right off of the wound.
I don't understand why she doesn't just go live with the OM. It would be so much easier for me and my boys. I feel very sad and hopeless today. I'm never going to heal while living with her. But, I currently am still unemployed (big job interview on Monday) and she knows she has me stuck. There is also the issue of the kids. I can't leave them with her alone. Trying to take them from her would be a challenging task at best. I currently don't have 10k to do it and I'd have to pay for her fees too.
Keep seeking assistance. Legal assistance, support group assistance, whatever you can find in your area. You have to do whatever it takes to protect your children.
I am sorry you find yourself in the situation, and I hope you can get the help that is needed. My prayers go out to you for the employment opportunity if that can help you with some options.
Please do all that you can to be safe and keep the kids safe
Me 46 Former W 46 D19 D7 BD Feb 2016 WAW moves out 4/16/16 D final 6/1/2017
It's time for me to start changin' the way I look at the world......and at myself. ~James Howlett aka Wolverine
There are a number of things I think I want to tell you. Your WW doesn't define you.
Your unemployment does not define you, it's a temporary condition sort of like having measles, you will recover and you get immunity.
I want you to know that in 20 years time your kids will say "my dad had it very tough, mum was drinking and messing about, he lost his job. Throughout my dad loved us, kept us safe and worked to become the best man he could be. He was my loving dad and he was wonderful throughout and I love him"
That is how you are defined as a father who loves and cares for his children, who despite all the struggles has this in his heart. He acts accordingly.
Keep posting to us and I will keep sending you rainbow strength and love. It is very tough when you know an addict is making smoke and mirrors. Keep on with 12 steps, it dovetails well with DB.
I am praying for you and your family every day, you are in my thoughts.
Know this, what you have is one of the toughest sitches I have seen on this board and you are doing very well indeed. You have taken action and shift is happening.
Often we can't see our own growth especially not through the tears of despair and it is there those shoots of development.
My prayers and strength
V
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
What nilla said. Except I'm not so eloquently put together!
If you need her gone, then for the good of the kids ask her to go. As nilla said its about you what do you need?
You said you cannot have her under foot, then set a boundary about that. I am in the same place sort of as nilla. My xh2 cheated lied and asulted and threatened etc etc.
I made the decision that while I the door and hope would be on the table, if he didn't want it by then which I had made the date a whole year just for me to get my shite together-
Then I was done, in that year I did not sit home just waiting. I did not put opportunities and life on hold.
I went out and got my shooter licence ( had to as part of separation and d due to gun ownership) got my truck licence enlarged my circles of People in my corner, got a pistol licence Set some goals of break a world record (failed but set an Aust record).
Towards the end of that year I started looking just looking and seeing what's out there. By 18months things were so different and the new bf came along. Things are not perfect but who knows its still early about a 2.5years since the split. Settlement will take some time as I need to pay upfront and am struggling.
Now days and yes I have seen him once I don't even recognise him and feel just blank. It's all started happening since I decided while for a while the feelings and stuff hung round now it's not. I don't quite know when it happened but it did. Same as the forgiveness etc xh2 demanded for his transgression that had come without me realising either.
But saying you forgive someone is different to actually being at peace inside your self over what happened and it's a process which takes time.
M 46 h54 Both married before T 11y Bd 2/14 I must see where ow leads! Ms 18 hs 26
I am really sick. I asked her to come home and please bring dinner. I know she read the text because it shows on her phone. She completely ignored it. Her friend called me worried about her because she said she will not return her calls. We started piecing things together and my WW has been lying to us both.
She said the OM is abusive to her and treats her horribly. Makes me said due to the trauma in her life. She thinks its what she deserves. Just can't believe she is going to strand me her with the kids and not come home knowing we had no dinner and I feel terrible.
So tired of this. I don't deserve it and neither do my boys. They keep asking for her and I don't even know what to say. She only cares about herself. I was advised not to do the 180 by a psychiatrist due to her trauma, etc.... but my integrity will not allow me to treat her loving and kind when she has been lying to me so much.
You don't need to be nasty to someone to step away from their crapola.
Rad the boundaries threads or a bounderies book by dr cloud.
It is not about being nasty, what she is doing in some definitions is emotional abuse. You allow it to continue and it's done. Be strong don't allow her. You need to say like nilla said you keep doing this I cannot continue and the stuff goes in the lawn in bin bags.
Her choice she doesn't want bin bags then she mans up or woman's up she wants bin bags she continues her choice not hers.
Spell it out super clear.
M 46 h54 Both married before T 11y Bd 2/14 I must see where ow leads! Ms 18 hs 26
Gg has a way of saying things that goes to the core, and her advice is sound and very inspiring.
You can stand for M and you can stand for your family. One of the myths in codependency is that to escape you have to be unpleasant or destructive. At this very juncture there is a decider, every day to walk that one day. To ensure you and your boys have love for each other, on this board there are amazing examples of dads who despite having a wayward for a wife, heal for their children. Each one in despair at their sitch and their wayward. You are a family without your WW.
You stand for you and your children. That is more than enough for each day. Time to stand tall and get yourself together for your boys.
Your WW has to fall to her darkest hour for recovery and she may never recover. You can recover with time and patience. MrBond wrote to me in my earliest days let your WH fall. It was very hard for me to read.
In these days which are dark and painful, I know this is true then the light will come. This is for you.
If your WW is creating destruction for you and the children then irrespective of what is in her life then things must change for you and the children. Her choice of life, her choice of OM, it is hers. Her sandpit to play in. Her circus and her monkeys. She is no longer fooling you or herself it seems. Reality bites.
Can you investigate if there are food banks and other resources. There is likely a support at 12 steps who can guide you to extra resources. Your WW drinks and indulges herself whilst her children go hungry? This is truly wayward behaviour.
Please talk to family and friends about assistance for you and the children. Have you a family member with whom you could confide and seek a home.
Your children are exposed to your codependency as well as possible let depression. Have you sought medical advice? Have you been prescribed ADS?
It would be great for you to be as positive as you can for your intervieW.
You continue to be in my prayers that you make your choices.
V
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
I cried for two days thinking about the consequences of this advice.
It's hard to know, let your WW fall and recover yourself for your children. You are the more stable parent for them. They need you to be strong and face the consequences of your codependency. Please heal YOU and the efforts to be for YOU.
V
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
The kids didn't go hungry. I made chicken nuggets and mac and cheese. I did the wrong thing and confronted her about where she'd been. I told her I knew she had lied about the night before--as she didn't go to therapy. I found out. Once she was busted she told me I'm a loser and she hates me and has for the past year . I was an executive and have only been out of work a few months. She said we are going to lose the house and its my fault. She erupted like a Borderline does.
This morning she is nice again. I am not going to make the mistake again of confronting her. I was just so hurt that I was sick and the kids needed her to be home with them -- I needed her to take up the slack.
I'm going to an all men's alanon meeting tonight. I have to heal and let her go. But its hard to let go when you live in the same house as the WW.
I have no family here for support and her family knows about it and wants her to fall. She is the spear-catcher of her family (the bad person), and she keeps the family system in place. WW mom offered her 100k to leave me and have me un-adopt our son. Crazy!!!
If I could pack the kids and move back south where I have a support system, I would. Right now, this board is my saving grace.
Thanks to all for your help. I'm going to start working on the 180 approach to take care of myself--starting today.
Take care, pray, and take time to meditate. Prayer and meditation are good for the soul and the quiet time where you are focused is time that answers can present themselves to you. It sounds as if you have many obstacles, but there are options that can be presented as you step out of the middle of it for a few minutes.
You are taking good steps by focusing on the children and yourself.
Take care and continue to seek for information and solutions and you will find them
Me 46 Former W 46 D19 D7 BD Feb 2016 WAW moves out 4/16/16 D final 6/1/2017
It's time for me to start changin' the way I look at the world......and at myself. ~James Howlett aka Wolverine
I'd love to let you know how it goes tonight, but she had therapy at 2 today and said she'd be home right after. I deposited money into the account today because we needed groceries and we planned on going to the store when we both met back at the house after I picked up the kids and she had therapy. its now 4:30 and she is not home. Which tells me she is sabotaging my meeting tonight.
I made the mistake of telling her I was going to the all-men's alanon tonight. We have no groceries and she had the card.
I confronted her last night about lying to me and she told me she hated me and I'm a loser for not having a job. I am an executive and have provided this lady a lavish life-style. I'm still interviewing but there is a real possibility of us losing the house.
She uses that stress as an excuse to run off. In a marriage you stick together through the good and the bad. I'm not only dealing with a cheating wife but trying to find a job. I have a huge interview at the first of the week. Trying desperately to keep my head on straight.
When she comes home later (if she comes home), I'm going to act as if nothing is even wrong. Not going to ask where she has been, etc.....
She will say she stays away because she doesn't want to be around me (she's co-dependant just like me) but that is an excuse.
I've decided in my mind that I am going to detach. There is no saving this marriage and I am doing my best to accept it. I need to focus on getting a job and getting a divorce. It's tough to heal when you are living in the same house with them.
You might need to keep the money seperate make sure you buy food. The kids dinners needs come first.
Believe nothing you hear or she says cheaters are always liars. I would personally not give her any moneies in a place she can access or she may spend in Om and drugs.
M 46 h54 Both married before T 11y Bd 2/14 I must see where ow leads! Ms 18 hs 26
It's tough to think you were seen as a meal ticket and have no use beyond that, which is what I think you are telling yourself.
Please stop, waywards lie and manipulate, justifying their behaviour perhaps you can discuss matters with a financial adviser.
You and the children are too precious and important to be vulnerable to drugs, alcohol and grot bags. Keep your personal activities to yourself, of course your WW will interfere with your plans that's part of the behaviour. Hold your counsel and stay calm.
If you make any cash available to WW then it will go to waste. As for giving her the card, please stop, you can't nice her back to you this way. This is typical codependent behaviour and back foots you.
This sitch isn't going to be resolved by you having a high earning career, and having a career is for you and your boys for maintaining your life. If that doesn't happen you are still a father and a man who can grow and become someone only a fool would leave.
You make changes for you.
V
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
Thanks. She shot me a text at 7 last night to please tell our son she'd be home in time to put him to bed. I didn't give him the message and I'm glad I didn't because she never came home. Im sure the OM made sure she had another drink so she'd be too drunk to drive home. Despicable.
Today she will come home sick and swear she's never going to drink again, etc... She has to know this guy is bad for her, but she is such an addict that she doesn't care.
Praying I get a good job soon so I can do all I can to take the boys and get on with our lives. If it weren't for my fear of them being alone with her all weekend I would leave for the weekend with no contact. She has no consequences for her actions.
I left this morning after getting the boys ready (she had't come home) and got a text from her asking if I had left. She feels guilty for our son and said she arranged a sleepover for him tonight with a friend at our house.
She tried to call me earlier but I ignored the call. Tonight I will just retire to my bedroom and NOT sit on the couch and watch movies with her like I ALWAYS do. This time I don't think she is even going to be remorseful. Doesn't matter. I have to find a good job and get the boys and me out of this mess.
It's just hard to detach while living in the same house.
Update: I came home for lunch today and she was sick in bed from her binge. She said she would pick up our son and his friend from school and was going to clean the house.
At 2:30 I had a hunch she hadn't gotten up so I went and got the boys. They are all playing in the backyard and she is still asleep. I'm not saying a word to her. I have been an excellent communicator for 20 years. One would argue I have made a great living by the sweat of my tongue, but it does no good.
I am worried about my boys losing their mother. Her addictions are only getting worse and if she doesn't get away from the OM I'm afraid something horrible is going to happen. Im crossing my fingers I get the job on Monday and then I will retain an attorney and have her thrown out of the house.
I'm done.... Not longing for her any longer. Today was my breaking point. For the first time I looked at her and loathed her while she was in bed. She had the nerve to ask me where I was going when I left the room. Incredible. I'm not telling her my plan though. I am going to be civil and kind (I am a Christian and hope this doesn't offend anyone). I want to set a good example for my boys and be kind with boundaries regardless.
Her family called me yesterday and said something has to happen. They know about the OM and DO NOT want their grandchildren around him as he has a rap sheet a mile long. They said they called them high Thursday asking to co-sign on a new house for them!!!!
So what? You are going to try and move all the kids in together without even introducing everyone? Craziness. As much as I want too, I am not going to say a word. They are begging me to get custody of the kids. I have to get a job first. They also told me so many lies WW has said about me to them. Don't know if its the addict or her personality.
Suffice it to say, I am in shock today. Confronting does no good. To verify her mother was not lying to me, I did what I shouldn't have done and looked at her phone. Sure enough, it was true. It is interesting to me that he is so needy and clingy and does about 90% of the texting. She has him where she wants him too.
This morning she tried to cuddle in bed with me and I got up and went downstairs. I'm not going to be sucked back into her trap again.
The weekend has come-and-gone and she has been sober. She cleaned the house all day today and said she has reached her bottom---so she says.
She said the OM has been texting and emailing off the hook and she isn't responding. I am trying to play it cool. Because seriously, if she wants to be with a man that keeps her an addict and keeps her away from her children, they deserve each other. She admitted the other night when she text me she was coming home to tuck the boys in bed, he ordered another bottle of wine to get her good and drunk. She had a choice, don't get me wrong.
She also had a talk with our son yesterday and told him she had a problem and he told her how much it hurts him when she doesn't come home. She promised him she wouldn't do it to him again. If she hasn't figured out what kind of predator this guy is, then nothing I can say or do will convince her.
Only time will tell.
Big interview tomorrow. That is where my focus is.
Thank you for the crossing of toes and fingers! I have one more interview with them in a few weeks. Hopefully will be over soon.
I spoke to a paralegal yesterday that works for the family justice center here in town. The news was very discouraging. She said the only winners in the whole thing are the attorneys.
Getting full custody of my children is not going to happen. Here in this county she said she never sees it happen despite all the drugs, etc... She's not drinking at home and the pot issue is so common in our county that they don't look at it as a problem at all.
So basically I have two options: 1. Divorce and get 50/50 with her. This means she can move in with the OM who is a big addict and endanger my children.
2. Stay in the situation to protect the children and pray she gets a DUI or something that brings her down, then go after them.
I also don't want to be setting an example for my children that her behavior is ok and this is how marriage works. Its not a good situation.
Feeling defeated today and don't know what to do. Any advice would be appreciated.
Take special care of yourself and your children. Continue to seek answers and opportunities for your sitch. It can help you focus forward and not feel trapped in the emotional state of despair. I know first hand the challenge for doing this, but I believe if we continue to put one foot in front of the other an answer can be seen.
I hope you can find moments of peace this day. I encourage you to make moments of peace with your children through time with them and any small distractions that you can provide them.
Me 46 Former W 46 D19 D7 BD Feb 2016 WAW moves out 4/16/16 D final 6/1/2017
It's time for me to start changin' the way I look at the world......and at myself. ~James Howlett aka Wolverine
I have read here of much worse sitches including mothers involved in the sex trade and fathers with very seedy habits including drugs alcohol and porn. Mothers and fathers who are very troubled indeed.
It ALWAYS sorts itself for the more stable parent, the one who persists, loves and puts the children first.
Please document, record and keep detailed records. This is very important, I would like to emphasise this. Take photos etc.
Please also attend Alanon, real life support. Insist WW attends AA as a prerequisite.
I think this is the lowest you can be. Know this your boys and you are worth every single breath and fight you have.
I am projecting my rainbow strength to you today if you would like this.
You are in my prayers today.
V
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
You are kind and funny! You made me laugh. WW is gone to a "meeting" and has hinted she may not be coming home tonight. Its interesting that she came up and kissed me goodbye. She does this every time she runs off and parties with the OM.
Very discouraging info from lawyer today. I don't have a case right now for 100% custody. She'd get 50% and I just can't allow that predator around my kids. I found out OM's baby-momma is trying to get full custody of her kids and has mandated that my WW is not to be allowed around the kids because of what is going on at the house.
If she moved in with him then it would be my kids.
I think I have to stay put for the time and pray that God breaks her. She can't be driving drunk, etc.... She is either going to kill someone or herself.
Am I wrong for this decision for now?
Lambo
I appreciate the hugs. I tell you, its tough not to go down the road of infidelity myself right now due to 0 of my needs being met. Feel like a lonely, single dad. However, I know happiness cannot be defined by a relationship with another human being. I am working on this!!!
This may be a case for contact with OM baby momma, if you can take the stress. Obtaining her thoughts related her kids around your WW and your around OM. She may have paperwork that can help you or have trod the path before you.
Your boys and their wellbeing come first.
I go to mass tomorrow so a votive for you and the boys.
Hugs
V
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
talked with the in-laws today and they think this is out-of-control. They are trying to figure out a plan to get her into rehab. But, if she doesn't want to get better, it will not work.
She left the boys and I this morning at 8:45 and said she'd be home at 12. Its now 2 and I haven't heard anything from her. Her family agrees that I can't leave--as the boys would be in danger with her 50% of the time.
I can't keep living like this, but i can't fathom my kids being in a drug house half the month. They deserve better. Think I am going to be praying for her to fall. In some way I have to believe with all the prayers being sent to God that He has a plan and will make the muddied path clear.
I found so much weed in the house that it could get an entire football team high and then some.
I have detached and recognize the impending reality of the situation. I have no hope for us any longer. I found out that she used me to adopt her son, get out of her parents grip, and now is able to do what she wants.
Today was a tough one. I did the right thing and bought her a card, orchid and a ice-cream cake from the boys for mothers day. I didn't get her a personal card from me, because after all, what would I say? You are a great mother? NOT!
I saw she was texting OM this morning but for the first time I didn't say a word. I have found that doing the 180 and working on letting her go is a process. You stumble, but get back up. I am taking myself out of the love triangle. I'm doing it for me, not to get her back.
Now that her family is involved, and are pushing rehab, I am going to stand clear. No more fighting with her. Asking where she was. Nothing. Moving on as if she is not a member of the house.
The funny thing is, I think she is noticing it. I've heard "I love you" out of her mouth 3 times in the last 2 days. Not putting any hope in it though.
Lambo
BTW, thanks for all the support out here. It feels good to check and see that people care and are responding to me.
My WW's best friend called her today and said she hasn't spoken to her in weeks. She said she is concerned not only for her health but also her safety with the OM.
She said he is controlling her and not allowing her to talk to her. She plan on following them tomorrow night because it is Thursday and I can see the addiction building in her. She knows their favorite watering hole and plans on calling the police when they leave the bar.
Bold move on her part.
I'm just detaching and living life separately. Earlier this week I said I wanted to live my life and was going to start going to friends, etc.... She pointed a knife at me and said you are mine and no other woman is going to have you, ever! Then said you will never have another woman in your life!
WW didn't come home last night. I got a text saying she wasn't coming home at 9:30 and we needed to talk today. Then at 10:47 OM called me from her phone and said, "Remember what I told you 4 months ago. It happened. Checkmate my friend."
she was probably drunk and passed out. But, wow, the audacity. I can't let me kids live with two addicts. It would be terrible. Don't know what to do.
It's time to put your foot down, my friend. Document this and get an order of protection against OM. This has crossed into harassment territory and your kids need to be proteced. Your WW has lost the plot.
M 10yrs T 13yrs BD #1Oct 2015-PA between WAH and COW BD #2 April 2016-WH resumed PA, she broke it off Jan 2 2017 WH says he wants divorce April '17-Letting go 2018 D busted DD8, DS6, DS3
This is all about protecting yourself and you kids right now. Do whatever it takes to insure safety! Do you have an Al Anon sponsor yet? Would they be able to refer you to someone regarding the weed you found?
Be cautious! Everything you say and do needs to be geared towards moving forward in a positive way. Please notice that I said move forward and not move on.
Please give me a call and let's talk about how we can help.
Regards,
Cristy
Resource Coordinator The Divorce Busting Center 303-444-7004
A Divorce Busting Coach can help you save your marriage, even when your spouse wants out.
Email virginia@divorcebusting.com or 303-444-7004 for more information or to get started right away.
So I am sure I am dealing with a Borderline Personality Disorder. I am a clinician. I haven't wanted to except it but I do now. We are putting the house on the market Tuesday and her OM sent me a text via her phone telling me they are looking for rings and getting married. Also, they are having a baby together.
I am beyond speechless. She has made me to be a monster in his eyes and he is taunting me. He even told me they have relations 3-4 times a week. I am beyond disgusted.
I just told her congrats. And I have left it at that.
Any advice? I know he has a warrant for his arrest and he is a pill popping alcoholic. I live in a county where she will get 50% custody.
So scared for my boys and so scared for her because she is crazy right now.
She has moved in with OM. Sunday night he came to my house and took my dogs and put the pizza box under my windshield wiper and smeared ranch dressing all over my hood.
She has a new home she is moving into in 2 weeks (courtesy of the help of rich parents) and has told me I have to go rent a room somewhere. Real nice.
We signed with a realtor today and she told me she has never loved me. I replied with, "so it is true, you only married me to take care of you." She then said, "no that is not true, I loved you and still do." I didn't respond to it. It's games.
Now she is playing house with him and perhaps it is what she needs. Real life with him. What breaks my heart is that she spent 2 hours with our 2 year old today and he is sick with a stomach ache and she didn't want to stay to be with him. Her guilt so overwhelmed her that she said just take him inside and didn't say goodbye to him.
He was telling her, "want momma to stay home too." It rips my heart out of my chest. I simply said, "I hope you have a good night." And I then walked inside.
Such a difficult situation. But, I am letting her go. She has treated me so poorly, but I still have that attachment to her. Perhaps its because we have shared so much time and space.
WW came home this morning and said she missed me after spending the last two nights at OM house doing life. She asked me if I still loved her and apologized for everything. She told me I am too good for her.
She also told me via text when she asked me to come home early that she was very confused. I said I agree. Why would you want to spend time with me when you have a boyfriend?
She tried to kiss me when I left for work after begging me to stay home with her. She said she is staying home tonight and even went upstairs while I was gone and made our bed. WTH?
Your WW is in breakdown mode, spoiled, rich, indulged kid who chases baubles.
Her circus and her monkeys.
Tomorrow this whole charade goes round again. It's damaging, get on with your life and your parenthood.
Likely that your WW has had an upset with OM and it is all back on again tomorrow.
No reason.
Please document this, OM could be dangerous, please be prepared for it. Meet the challenge with cleverness not force. Get your tactics together. Be prepared to get a restraining order against this piece of nasty scummy OM. Let the law rub the sauce in his chops.
You might want to read RD500 thread, his WW is enthralled to such a specimen. There are more here from who you can share your dilemmas. It's time to seek these posters out and tentatively post. Dads who can help each other through this cursed roller coaster.
It's crapola my friend your sitch. The challenge is to protect yourself and those precious children. You all deserve better.
How did the interviews go?
Hugs
V
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
Seek out an advocate group.... Women's advocates even may help you. This is why they exist. They are free. They will connect you with legal aid, so a free atty, at least temporarily. I hate to say it, but this is what OFP's are made for. I had one filed against me, so I have a hard time suggesting it, but your situation is real. You can get her out of the house, away from the children, etc. you may be able to get one against OM to prevent him calling or coming around your home.
Document as much as you can. Her actions, her state, her interactions with the kids. Get video when possible. Keep as much conversation with her by text as possible for documentation, try to get her to admit to things via text.
See if you can get his number blocked, both on your home phone and on WW's cell phone if you have access to it, preferably without her knowing it.
I'll keep reading but wanted to get this out there to you ASAP.
Finished your thread. No doubt about it, get a restraining order (OFP) against WW and possibly OM if you can. Then call the police, every charge you can possibly get against both of them. Go for full custody in the OFP. Ask for support from her in the OFP. Talk to your kid(s) (I forget ages) about alcohol and drugs, so they will also notice the behavior. Don't tell them it's about their mom, don't tell them it's bad, just tell them what it does to people, what it smells like, so they notice. Ask for a Guardian Ad Litem to be appointed to talk to the kids to verify the behavior. Have your documents, text messages, etc. all ready to go. Fight to win 100%.
I think the best time to set it all into play is when she is home with the kids and drunk. Have the police wait outside, you go in and get your kid(s), police go in immediately after. Get her a urine analysis. You know she will fail, and should fall under child endangerment.
Offer that once she successfully completes treatment, you will consider R, not until then. It's your carrot to dangle, not hers.
Read about codependency. Or listen to videos about it on YouTube. Ross Rosenberg is a good one.
Wishing you the best. If you could get 100% custody through these actions will be a win regardless of what she does moving forward.
Get some support. See if you can find people local sympathetic and willing to help. They can step up for watching your kids in emergencies. They can be present when you are with your kids to simply take some pressure off of you, allowing you time to decompress with all that is going on.
Someone else please chime in on my input for a reality check.... But I see no other choices.
Thanks guys. I am here. Crazy around here. She took our 2 year old to his house Sunday and stayed all night. She came home (i guess) around 7:30 the next morning. I had a ride-along yesterday and had an OR day to see if the medical device I'm potentially about to sell is what I want to do.
I came home around 10 to get dry cleaning and noticed she was home. I went inside and our 2 year old was wandering around the house and she was in bed. I immediately called the nanny to come over--as I had to go. Thankfully she was able to come over and WW stayed in bed all day because she was drunk at his house with the kid the night before.
she didn't know where our son was and I had to deal with that while seeing patients.
I am praying for you lambo. You need help promptly. This sounds like we is endangering your kids. I hope you can find help promptly. This situation cannot go on for the sake of your children.
(((lambo and children)))
Me 46 Former W 46 D19 D7 BD Feb 2016 WAW moves out 4/16/16 D final 6/1/2017
It's time for me to start changin' the way I look at the world......and at myself. ~James Howlett aka Wolverine
She moved in with OM and I wished her the best. Her mother stepped in and will not let her have our 8 year old back. She said she wants to get her own place and get her head straight. I said, "for the kids sake, I hope you do."
I told her good luck with OM and I wish them the best. I have to find a new place to live as we are selling the house now. Doing the 180's and moving on. At least our 2 year old is safe with me at home and for that I am thankful.
I followed along silently and my heart truly aches for you and the kiddos.
You do have a case for full custody with perhaps supervised visitation. She right now is committing child endangerment. Document, document, document. A 2 year old wandering around the house while his mother is passed out is an extremely dangerous situation.
You are handling it very well. But know you have a chance and a case. You really do.
I came home yesterday and she had a moving van with two guys at the house taking things. She says we have to be out of the house to sell it--which is not true. She took the washer/dryer, trampoline, the couches, all the patio furniture and all her belongings.
She left our 2 year old with me and also disconnected the internet and tv so I had nothing to watch last night. She said I have to find a new place to live by the middle of the week and is taking the 2 year old with her on Monday to OM's house.
I am filing a restraining order for the kids and me first thing Tuesday morning. Her mother has our 8 year old and will not give him back because she thinks WW is unfit to be a mother.
Beyond frustrated. Also, trying to find a new job at the same time is really tough. Trying hard to eat and take care of myself but this is really tough.
Last edited by Cadet; 05/30/1610:54 PM. Reason: Link
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
