My story job 9140 (4)

[Jb9140]

No.. I definitely could not.

GAL is going pretty well. I've joined a church, GYM, and have spent time with old friends doing varying things over the last week.

Dropping the rope has been the hardest thing ever. Basically because I was so used to holding and pulling it. I'm definitely not out of the woods by any means, but I'm definitely starting to see things from the outside now.

It amazes me reading the newcomers statements and seeing a predictable pattern in these situations. The scripts from the WAW\WW is scarily predictable, if you can manage to take a moment to stop BS ing yourself because of the fear. Thanks again for all you do. I'm sure I'm going to need a 2X4 down the road, maybe even tomorrow

[Jb9140]

Some thing has been bothering me lately, so I'm just going to throw this out here. I've always thought that cheating would be a deal breaker for me. I've have not found out that my spouse is having a affair or seeing anyone since we separated the first of this month. My observation is that most folks here seem to have spouses in affairs. I'm going to assume that most folks have always considered cheating as a deal breaker. What keeps you standing after you find out your spouse is in a affair. I've got a sneaky feeling I'm going to have to cross this scenario at some point. I truly want to try to be accepting of my wife , but I,m not sure I could get past behavior. Thought

[CWOL]

I think once we are denied something, it becomes that much more attractive.
In my case, my WW claims it was just an EA, and I do believe it to be true (up until now), since the OM is an ocean away. Although it hurt me, I don't think it would be to the same degree as a PA. Also, my love after 18 years is still there, even though it is not reciprocated.

[DDJ]

I'm asking myself the same question. But i think the answer is can be found from someone that I think was most inspirational...

“No one is born hating another person because of the color of his skin, or his background, or his religion. People must learn to hate, and if they can learn to hate, they can be taught to love, for love comes more naturally to the human heart than its opposite.”
― Nelson Mandela, Long Walk to Freedom

“As I walked out the door toward the gate that would lead to my freedom, I knew if I didn't leave my bitterness and hatred behind, I'd still be in prison.”

...brings me to tears.

[sandi2]

I think once we are denied something, it becomes that much more attractive.

Exactly the point I try to get across to you LBH'S! If the WW thinks she can't have you, then you become more attractive. Yet, how many guys are too scared to drop the rope, afraid they will lose her?

[Jb9140]

Day 15 no contact

GAL activity was heading to the gulf this morning to fish. Fish weren't biting, so I walked the beach. This activity kind of backfired on me. Families everywhere laughing and enjoying each others company. I thought about this the whole 2 hrs ride home.

Time for my 2x4. Didn't contact wife, but boy do I feel down right now.


Well I get the boys tomorrow, so I need to focus and look forward to that.

Just journaling.

[Jb9140]

Day 16 no contact. Well wife just dropped the kids off , she didn't come in, but I could sense she was a little surprised on how well I'm doing. She just had that look. We only talked for a minute, mainly kid stuff. Side not she drops them off every Sunday , this is the only time I see her. No contact for me is no texting, email, phone. I've canceled all social media FB , Instagram , etc.... This is as far as I can go with no contact. I felt really good during this little interaction. I felt confident and I don't think I came off as fake. I know Constance. I'm going to have to keep this up for a long time, actually this has got to be the new me regardless what happens with my marriage. Just journaling.

[SH_]

Just popping in to lend moral support. You sound as if you are doing well today and sticking to the plan. Well done. Enjoy your time with the kids. I know that has been huge for me in keeping me up and out of the down times.

I hope you have a great Sunday and cherish the moments with your children.

[Jb9140]

Thanks. I,m actually feeling real good. Time to go to church a new thing for me over the last couple of months. It really seems to help with the spiritual side of things; which I find very important now of days.

[SH_]

I completely agree with you on that. I have struggled throughout my life with the spirituality aspect of my life, but this time, it has become much more clear that I have always needed it. I have my moments that I want to blame God, but I am then quickly humbled and know in my heart, that I cannot lay that blame at is feet.

Enjoy your time at church and may you draw divine strength, and have peace as you pray.