My story job 9140 (4)

[Jb9140]

Alright, so I'm reading through a lot of past threads from folks. I'm noticing a lot of separations going on 12 months, 14 months, etc..... I just made 1 week separation mark. I just can't imagine doing this for that long. Let alone why do these folks not just divorce at this length of time. besides affairs, do you folks think many people out there want to date someone whose married?


Previous thread
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...689#Post2663689

[LiM]

I noticed the same thing JB. I saw people hanging out for 2 years in limbo land. I saw people still living with their spouse when they KNEW that thee was an A going. That wasn't for me. I simply couldn't do that. After being separated for 2 1/2 months, I discovered that my W's A was still going on. I filed for D. I simply won't live like that. That resulted in the OM confessing to his W and an opportunity for my W and I to begin to heal. I wish she had decided on her own to end the A but that is not what God gave me. I will take what he has given me and do the best I can with it because I know there is something greater going on than what I am aware of.
In the end you have to decide what is right for you. You have to take care of yourself. 1 week of separation isn't long enough to decide anything. But that doesnt mean you have to stay in this place forever. You CAN fight for your M while separated. I've done it and it does work. Follow the plan. DB you a$$ off. Reevaluate a month at a time. You didnt get to this place overnight and it won't be fixed overnight. But it can be fixed.

[Jb9140]

Some days are better then others. I've been NC for 9 days, except in a few cases of text about boys. I'm having a hard time with detaching today and my head keeps spinning. I've got to focus on today. I think today I've been living in the past and dreading the future. This stuff is the most emotional pain i think Ive ever dealt with. My wife just seems to be so happy and moving along like we were never important too each other. That hurts even typing that out.

[Jb9140]

Yesterday my wife gets a letter in the mail for her to send in some paperwork before her Dr appointment. A plastic surgeon Dr!!! Now I'm back thinking maybe she is having a MLC. So, I do some more research on MLC, and it seems like a lot of the symptoms of MLC, WW, WAW all seem to overlap each other at certain places. I guess my question is this. Since my wife has moved out and has told me basically the ILBINILWY line does it really matter what she is of the three above. Isn't the remedy basically the same for all three at this point. Detach, GAL, act as if, and don't pursue. P.S. All legal matters set aside, I've already got a lawyer on retainer if it comes to that.

[Cadet]

Since my wife has moved out and has told me basically the ILBINILWY line does it really matter what she is of the three above.
Isn't the remedy basically the same for all three at this point. Detach, GAL, act as if, and don't pursue.

You got it the solution is the same for us no matter what the label.
Add in - FOCUS on OURSELVES, the one person we can CONTROL.

[Cherry]

Yep I agree, it doesn't matter too much particularly what label they come under. It's so hard I know it is. The anxiety and the pain m is hard to live with. But I guess with everything it will get easier in time.

I think sometimes it's only when I read back posts that I think, it's almost humourous the behaviour of them. It's as though the usual spouse you know and love has been abducted by aliens and replaced with this person who is absolutely all over the board.

Stay that steady lighthouse my friend

[Jb9140]

Well, I'm on day 9 of no contact. I really figured she would have texted, emailed or something by now. Especially with the kids, but I know the Physical separation just started a few weeks ago. I'm sure this is going to take awhile. I just read ROBX story and it was very inspiring and comical at points. I hope I can do as well as him with becoming the best version of me.

[Cherry]

I'm sure you will. The whole db-ing can be a long process that really takes some practice. Keep working on you and you'll get there.

Be careful with those expectations, it's hard- really hard. But focus on you.

[GWH]

Like Cadet says you have the gift of time my friend, and it takes a lot of patience, and time. You will get there brother. Hang in there.

[Jb9140]

I guess there's a reason for the numbering order of Sandi's rule. Number 37 is killing me and will probably do the most damage if I break it. I'm so tempted to call my wife and just say WTF happened to our marriage, and beg and plead for just one more try. I'm only on day 12 of no contact. she's not budging. I thought for sure she would have at least texted or emailed by now. I know it's a marathon. GAL, Detach, bla bla bla. sorry I'm in a bad place this morning and just needed to vent.