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Joined: Jan 2010
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Wow. I can't believe it has been nearly 6 years since I posted in here. At that time, I was fighting for my marriage and hurting bad. This forum was a great survival tool. I am not sure how many are still here from that long ago, but thank you to those that were here for me--praying you are finding God's peace wherever you are!

I am not sure if this is the right forum to post this, but I thought I'd give it a try. My divorce was final in Fall of 2010. She was re-married within a year. We have two kids together and, although not what you would exactly call best of friends, had at least been cordial enough to co parent.

I did a lot of healing and focus on myself. I did meet someone very special during my healing time and our friendship turned into a relationship, to a recent engagement. We have done a lot of life together over the last 4 years.

I am not sure what snapped in my former spouse (FS), but about 6 months ago she started issuing law suit threats (for more child support--even though she earns more than me) and threats to sue me for debt that I had discharged in a bankruptcy that I needed to file after the D. Sure enough, on my 50th birthday, she filed four law suits against me. I retained an attorney, and the first response to her claim for more child support was to rectify the child support situation. In the original filing, she had filed improper forms so that I ended up paying her CS. We have 50/50 joint custody, and due to the income disparities, per law here in our state, she owed me CS. I was so broken and hurt during the D that I never had the courage to have it modified. Being a new and stronger person--this time I stood up to her and had the proper paperwork filed.

This angered her to respond by countering with changing the custody. The only way she can collect CS is by taking time away from my kids by changing the parenting time %.

In the meantime, this has caused for a hold on my current situation. The court situation will work itself out. I am a good father and her anger and vitriol only hurts her case.

As I work through the case, I am hurting over the pause in my current rel. I started looking through my old DB techniques and found value in some 180 techniques that will help me heal and become stronger for her as this sitch works its way through, but I was hoping for some input on some of my concerns in doing the 180.

GOING DARK: Part of the her past has been cheated on by two former husbands. Sometimes I feel going dark will make her insecure that I would have met someone else during this time apart.

ACT AS IF MOVING ON: Another area of insecurity I fear. I mentioned some ministry work I was doing one time as part of continuing with life, and she got very defensive "what else don't I know about what you've been doing? You dating now too?"

The truth is, I feel much of the 180 really will help me be stronger. But I also don't want to "play games" with her. We have built a very strong friendship and have done a lot of life together as friends--before the rel. But I also recognize there is healing that needs to take place in both of us--and a situation that needs to be rectified with the ex in order for a new life.

Any input would be appreciated!

Joined: Aug 2011
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Hello Christian. I would let your lawyer deal with court and legal matters. I would fight to retain 50/50 custody. I've been here almost 5 years. I remarried last April.

Since I met my new wife ex has tried to friend her on FB. Ex is supposed to pay for the 1st 200$ for any of my daughterx medical bills since I cover her insurance. Last couple of years ex hasn't even paid the copay when d sees the doctor.I have been getting those bills also. I thought about not paying it and sending the divorce decree which clearly states ex is responsible. I just let it go.

I would not put your new r on hold. Keep enjoying life.


M 53
D 20
Separated 6/22/11 moved out 10/24
Together 26 yrs
Married 16
W Filed for D 7/21/11
Served 9/6/11
D final 8/28/12

“Failure is not fatal, but failure to change might be.”

John Wooden






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