That's right, I will dedicate this thread to love and discover myself.
After reading V's message from my last thread, I realized that she is totally correct. Being a wife, a mom for so long, I lost the "Attraction" tools, mode.
I need to re-learn how to flirt. I am not a model, but I don't think I am the ugliest. I am not young, but I am not super grandma. So, what is keeping me from being a better woman?
MYSELF... Totally right, I am my worse enemy and I have been keeping myself under the water because I feel bad that my stupid XH left me to be with another woman.
I have been feeling less then I am, very insecure of my physical being, my accent, even my knowledge have been playing big on me, like my job, etc.
Spoke w/my IC after long time not seeing him and he said that even if I get back with my XH, that would be very important for me to experience some new horizons. Like give myself a chance to meet someone new. Or go on a date with another man. He even went far to say that it would really positive to have sex with another man.
He said that it would be healthy for me and if for some magical reason I get back with XH, I too will feel that I did it because I made a clear decision to be with him.
He said that he is afraid that I may get back with him and then feel I do not love him anymore.
And guess what? I am so confused about my own feelings that I do not know if what I feel is love or something else.
One thing I did is that I finally got the courage and wrote to the Career Coach, he sent me a lot of info and I emailed back to him saying that I want to set up an apt and try to change my life moving forward.
I feel it's time. I feel want to be more then this crying baby that I became. I want to get rid of this horrible pain that is still stuck in my chest. I want to forget XH and have freedom for life again.
I am really tired of feeling he does not want me. So be it, if he does not want me then I can't do anything about. I will care for someone that care for me.
By the way, updating:
* After Easter Sunday, XH gave me the cold shoulder. He is not really avoiding me because he is around the kids since it is spring break. This morning he picked up the kids to go to the mountains and he did not came in a house.
* I got only an email from him and that was the parenting schedule proposal. And by the way, he sets dates like picking up the kids from school until 5/30 or setting up 5/25 to be with the kids and forgot that it is his S18 Senior Night.
* On Friday 4/1 I called him and asked his help to transport an aerator to the house for S16 football fundraiser that would happen on Saturday morning. This is a fundraiser to help him to collect some funds to help with the cost of his trip to Florida in august.
XH was kind and did it. He said that he was happy to help us. Then he left right away. Next day he did not help at all.
So, what I see is a lot of disregard for anything that is important. I noticed that every time he is present and participating in anything about the kids, is because I asked him. Because I texted him and said that it would be important for his kid.
He is always ready to take the kids to eat out, go to a movie, or go skiing, snowboarding. But when it comes to what really matter, there is nobody home.
I guess I will just stop asking. Maybe one day he will realize what he is doing, or maybe the banana won't think about it at all.
I know I sound like I criticize him a lot, and that he is trying his best to be present in his kids life, but I can't be blind and don't see that he only does what is interesting for him too, like the snowboarding thing. He wants to go, and he wants the kids company, not the other way around.
Another thing is that I was checking on some French guy's FB page and I found a picture of XH and OW together at the last sales meeting in Colorado. This was dated 1/17/16. So, he is lying to me saying that he broke up with her since September last year. The jerk was with her this last January and here.
I guess the DB that I will be adopting now is the one to take care after my own business and make believe XH is dead. All the lies, disregard, disrespect... it all makes me sad.
I kind of understand the whole MLC, but I have no idea if there will be any cure for all the craziness because in his mind, I can see it, he thinks he is doing a lot and everything right.
And now, he is ignoring me big time. Like I do not exist anymore. I guess that is what he feels, that I do not exist anymore.
Well, the hell with this idiot.
I just got a call from the career coach and schedule an apt for 4/12 for my first session. Wish me luck! I will let you know how that goes.
I will change my life again. I will become a person I love just for myself. I will show this banana what he throw away.
Hi lovely P - I'm glad for you that you are talking to your IC again, and a career coach too. Interesting views from your IC about dating. I can see his point that exploring other things may be a good idea. But I also think it is best to do that from a place of wholeness within yourself - and it sounds as though that is where you are focusing, which is good
I hear what you are saying about feeling 'less than' because your H had a PA with OW. I'm in the same boat of course and recently I have been saying to myself that H's choice to go off and have an A with someone in no way diminishes me. I am still all that I am whatever he may be doing and I think those destructive choices are all about him.
From what you post, you are still working through the pain and that takes it's own time. But you are moving forward and I like in you your zest for life, and that you get back up when you are low and you move forward again. These are great qualities that will carry you a long way forward - whatever your H is up to.
I'm sorry you saw the pic of H and OW....so maybe still some kind of contact going on there - all cheaters lie of course. But in the longer term, my guess is that R is doomed. The whole - we live on different continents and both have kids thing for a start. Still, it will take the time it will and she is his problem and need not be your concern.
For you, I hope you enjoy dressing up, feeling attractive, having some fun, charming people with your lovely accent and more. I know there is hard work in amongst all of that, but also carve out some time for you in there.
Sounds like your XH has withdrawn somewhat. He may not be able to deal with the emotional aspects of being in touch and is processing. But maybe just note that and carry on with your own stuff. What he does needn't impact on you and my guess is he will come forward again at some point soon. What you choose to offer him at that point is up to you of course.
In the meantime - as tfish said - good for you girl!! Xx
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Hi Anjo. Ive read and re read your post and one thing really stands out for me as very wise and very very important. ,,,,,,,
He even went far to say that it would really positive to have sex with another man.
I'm very selfless and if that what your IC thinks then I would like to volunteer for the job. LOL Of course I would expect you to buy me dinner first !!!!!!
ONLY KIDDING (. About the dinner )
All joking aside , you saw the picture and you have put your interpretation on it. You may be right but you could easily be wrong Let it go as you do t know what it means
IMHO you are still reacting to stuff and not relaxing back and letting things happen re XH. From what you post he is in the push / pull phase and not ready to commit.
It's hard to read the rest of your post because I know you are an attractive lady , on the outside and more importantly on the inside so while I understand it's how your feeling please know you are very pretty IMHO
Great news re the career advice and while money isn't everything , it certainly helps !!!!
Follow your heart re XH because your wonderful explosive temperament doesn't help you with making wise choices sometimes
Take care Anjo. From number one volunteer for ICs advice. Rd. xxxx
RD, that is noble of you to volunteer to support Pink in her...erm...treatment programme I'm sure she'll be very pleased - although I do think you should throw in dinner and a spin on your bike at the very least...
I agree with RD about the picture - yes clearly they have been in contact - but (unless the picture showed clear evidence of romance) who knows on what basis? Be careful not to let your mind wander on this one...
I agree with RD that you are fabulous - attractive, bright, independent, feisty, fun, loyal - and please never think otherwise.
Xx
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Not much time right now, but just want to say that it's very tempting for me to accept your volunteer services RD. I just need to get my job searching going on fast because the biggest issue now will be money... you see, I need to go to Ireland, buy you a dinner, that alone is a lot of investment. Then you probably want a massage, chocolate... huuummmm.
It is indeed something to think about... will write more later. Love you guys so much. You made my day!!!
Tfish, thanks for stopping by. Sometimes there are no more choices besides going for.
Ginger, thanks for stopping by too. I got to the conclusion that for me to feel good about myself and show genuine happiness I need to achieve something. This time I feel that I need to step up on my job situation and be self sufficient financially. I searched a lot inside of me and that is what I need to feel more confident this time around in my life. It takes time for me to digest some critical events in my life, but eventually I do step up my own game and go for it. As I say, I will rest when I die and I am still breathing.
Sotto - you lovely strong lady. I agree with all your comments. EX business is not mine and I need to let go on all of this. It is just so much shame that he lies this way to me.
The way I see it is that I am not going out of my way asking him about his R with this bitch. So why to say things to me that are not even true. Oh well, his loss, because I do feel good with myself by being an honest person.
I can close my eyes at night and I do not torture myself with my soul full of sins.
Well, spring is here and there is lots to do. I intend to keep my attention on myself and this thread will be for that. I have been feeling I deserve better and it is not necessarily related to man itself.
Right now, I need to find my path, my inner strength. I need to want to feel loved again. It's actually not so bad if I think about, rediscovering a woman after 20 years is quite an adventure.
And you guys know me, it will all happen with laces, pink colors, transparency, high hills, lipstick, nail polish, wow... the whole girl foolish stuff. And I bloody love it!!!!
By the way, I don't know if I told you before, but my hair is more and more caramel with yellow highlights. I am changing it gradually so I don't damage my curls.
RD... I am smiling, I actually feel good with the offer.
I'm sure she'll be very pleased - although I do think you should throw in dinner and a spin on your bike at the very least...