This is a serious question, why are we writing and sending apology letters to women that have betrayed us and are demoting us from the position of husband? I'm seriously asking.
Well, my coach wanted me to apologize for the exposure and other things I may have done during the marriage. I didn't agree with her at all...
Me-LBH, 48 Spouse-WW, 48 Married for 19 years Son, 12 BD #1 - November 1998 (EA 7 months after wedding) BD #2 - November 2015 (same XBF EA) WW filed D February 2016 WW moved out April 2016
This is a serious question, why are we writing and sending apology letters to women that have betrayed us and are demoting us from the position of husband? I'm seriously asking.
In my case it was part of looking at my part in the failure of our marriage. Sure there was the A, but going back 10 years there's plenty I did wrong as well. It kind of goes along with the "What should I change" aspect.
While I don't take responsibility for the A, I definitely take some responsibility for the downfall of our marriage before the A. I was overly critical of my W and wasn't there for her emotionally.
Me: 40 W: 45 T: 13, M: 11 1 D: 9
Suspect A 6/15 ILBINILWY 8/15, and 3/16 EA/PA Discovered 3/16 EA admitted 3/16 W Moved out 4/16 W opens R talk and says A over 1/17
Pac.. I did the same things in my M. I am responsible for a lot too. I know my W knows I'm sorry. If I ever get a chance to R there will be plenty of time to tell her I'm sorry. Right now she doesn't give a rats butt about me, she is in a fog. I think a letter would just me more justification for her to keep up with the OM. I don't need to give her any more ammo for that. Just my thoughts.
Ralph88 Me 40s W 30s, D5 D3 , M7 T9 2013 B drop 1, EA found 2016 B drop 2, EA/PA? 2/16 Physical Seperation 2/16 I filed for D 4/16 PA Confirmed
Yeah part of me has that same logic of thinking that she'll be further justified in the A. Hard to say really how it would play out. Women are emotional though and the way the letter is written is to syphathize with how she's feeling about me right now.
Me: 40 W: 45 T: 13, M: 11 1 D: 9
Suspect A 6/15 ILBINILWY 8/15, and 3/16 EA/PA Discovered 3/16 EA admitted 3/16 W Moved out 4/16 W opens R talk and says A over 1/17
Rough day dealing with patience this week. Starting to think the weekend away did more harm then good as I felt closer to my W than I had in a while only to watch her walk away when we got home. Don't know if she felt closr though, likely had OM on her mind the whole weekend. I can see now why emotional detachment is so important.
Any other thoughts on the letter idea?
Me: 40 W: 45 T: 13, M: 11 1 D: 9
Suspect A 6/15 ILBINILWY 8/15, and 3/16 EA/PA Discovered 3/16 EA admitted 3/16 W Moved out 4/16 W opens R talk and says A over 1/17
I don't think a letter is a good idea. In part, it's because if you give her something written, and it supports her version of reality, then she can constantly go back to the letter as proof that you are a terrible, evil ogre in spite of the fact that you're apologizing. The other issue is that, in my opinion, it's pursuing behavior and that usually backfires.
I have no issue with apologizing, but I think it should be done in person and not in writing. That way, there's not an artifact of things gone wrong.
If your wife wasn't in an affair, I may feel a bit differently, but I think something in writing would just provide fuel for the fire.
I gave my W a letter, like 4 weeks into S. I put a lot of time and effort into it, re-read it several times, reviewed it with my cousin and I put it on her pillow. I never heard about it again, it was an enormous waste of time. Everything that is in the letter is stuff you can tell her in person if you DB the right way. I say keep detaching and tell her those things in person if you get the chance.
Thanks for the perspective, doesn't seem like anyone is supportive of the letter. Maybe I'll hold on to it for a future point in time when we are closer towards R if that ever happens.
Me: 40 W: 45 T: 13, M: 11 1 D: 9
Suspect A 6/15 ILBINILWY 8/15, and 3/16 EA/PA Discovered 3/16 EA admitted 3/16 W Moved out 4/16 W opens R talk and says A over 1/17
So got a photo today of her car at his place - midday. Pretty sure she went there last night after she left here and has been there since.
I could leave this but I'm really thinking of writing her a note to let her know that I'm still aware of the ongoing A and that I want all her belongings out of the master bedroom.
To say I'm angry is an understatement, but definitely not surprised. Really regretting this past weekend now.
Also thinking of writing the OM's wife just to let her know what's going on.
Me: 40 W: 45 T: 13, M: 11 1 D: 9
Suspect A 6/15 ILBINILWY 8/15, and 3/16 EA/PA Discovered 3/16 EA admitted 3/16 W Moved out 4/16 W opens R talk and says A over 1/17
Sleep on it. Don't make any emotional decisions. If you feel that W's things should move out of the MBR then do it after your emotions have subsided.
As for OM's W, I would suggest the same. If your W is not remorseful about the A then letting OM's W know may push your W further away. Timing is everything.
I am sorry you are going through this, let the anger flow through you, tomorrow is another day!
H-46 XW-38 T-7 M-6 S-9,8,8,6,4 S 11/30/15, I filed 12/8/15 EA 2/1/16 D dismissed 3/24/16 PA 3/18/16 confirmed 4/22/16 XW files for D 4/1/16 - D final 11/17/16 Finally moving forward...
