So I go home for lunch and get a call from no other than Harley herself. Surprised the hell out of me because our talks are generally at night.
We must have talked for almost an hour. Several times during the conversation she asked about the weekends I have the kids and more specifically what I was doing around New Year's. She ended the conversation with "you never know what the new year will bring." For as tough as she is, she has such a sing-song voice. Damn, she is one beautiful woman.
Excuse the talking about this. I always try to temper things and I really need to get my head sorted out. I thought I had her back in that box again and then she calls out of the blue. Ugh. 10 years and 3K miles is a long way.
There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
You know, I'm not sure what I should do about Harley. On one hand, there are a lot of unanswered questions...but on the other, it may be best just to keep that box closed.
Sure, I'd love to maybe get back to where we were, but that was back then. I can't think what-ifs. I did that enough when I was in the hell of separation and divorce. But yet, part of me does that for some absurd reason. I know better.
And then there are my children. I'm not going to bring anyone around them for quite some time. In Harley's case, that isn't an issue. Ah, but that monkey wrench. Living in what if land for a minute...let's say for some reason she does come, then what? If she did that then that would be a total expectation on her part because that would be big. BIG.
Not sure what to do.
There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
Re "You never know what the New Year will bring" -- I think you need to spend some time between now and then preparing for at least the possibility that she's coming to introduce your son to you.
Me: 46 W: 44 Married: 17 Together 21 D13; S10 BD: 03.03.15 (Not attracted to you) Almost 2 years trying, alone, to save marriage Status now: Divorced (effective 06.13.17)
Maybe you are right. Another good conversation and some lingering things were answered. If it is a trip, indications were that it would be alone.
Originally Posted By: JRuss
Re "You never know what the New Year will bring" -- I think you need to spend some time between now and then preparing for at least the possibility that she's coming to introduce your son to you.
There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
I want ya'll to know that I appreciate everyone allowing me to talk about Harley Quinn...I know it isn't part of my situation with the ex - and really has nothing to do with DB...well, it does show a model of what not to do in a relationship, I guess.
Now it seems as if things are happening at a rate I may/may not be ready for, but its time that some decisions are to be made. So I guess we will know soon enough.
On an unrelated note - (some will get this and some won't) I had a conversation with a "friend" about pursuing/non pursuing - its a two-way street. Maybe that's why coms hasn't been there as much. I'm available to discuss and easy enough to find.
There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
Maybe this will be the final, final update. On the marriage side, its done and done. The ex-wife is complaining of being taken to the cleaners...on the flip side, due to us moving around my jobs never amounted to more than 1 - 2 year stints, even though they were in my field, I had to basically start over each time. Which sucked, really...because now I am at the lower end of things and am not sure if I can even make the house payments and all...hence the support and all. Oh well, was I wrong to get what I deserved?
So for me, I'm trying to keep to my sabbatical. Not sure I want or need anything anymore, with one exception.
Remember the amazing woman I talked of? Well, I guess I was wrong. Coms can't be a one way street, can it? After all, if coms are only initiated by one party then that doesn't say much for the interest level, does it? Too bad.
As they say, life is too short and we aren't getting any younger. And then there is Harley Quinn. Not sure what will end up with that one. Although some questions have been answered there are still a few that remain. Guess we will see, eh? If one were to believe in the universe and signs, then things sure are pointing that way. But me, I'm skeptical of such...the ex caused that mess.
We shall see, though.
There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
Maybe this will be the final, final update. On the marriage side, its done and done. The ex-wife is complaining of being taken to the cleaners...on the flip side, due to us moving around my jobs never amounted to more than 1 - 2 year stints, even though they were in my field, I had to basically start over each time. Which sucked, really...because now I am at the lower end of things and am not sure if I can even make the house payments and all...hence the support and all. Oh well, was I wrong to get what I deserved?
So for me, I'm trying to keep to my sabbatical. Not sure I want or need anything anymore, with one exception.
Remember the amazing woman I talked of? Well, I guess I was wrong. Coms can't be a one way street, can it? After all, if coms are only initiated by one party then that doesn't say much for the interest level, does it? Too bad.
As they say, life is too short and we aren't getting any younger. And then there is Harley Quinn. Not sure what will end up with that one. Although some questions have been answered there are still a few that remain. Guess we will see, eh? If one were to believe in the universe and signs, then things sure are pointing that way. But me, I'm skeptical of such...the ex caused that mess.
We shall see, though.
It sounds like you're in good spirits. That's really the ultimate goal whether a marriage works or not. I'm glad you mentioned the universe and signs. Some people say God. It's all good. YES, the universe talks to us all the time. Most people ignore signs. Once I stopped ignoring them and follow the signs, the worm definitely turned in my favor. Take that approach with Harley. If it's meant to be then it will be. If your marriage was meant to be saved then it would have been. Don't sweat it if your future isn't crystal clear. That leaves the door open to great adventures. Keep your mind and heart open and just go with the flow. Good luck.
I'm in pretty good spirits and there are moments. The thing is, she totally destroyed the part of me that really cares about that anymore...kind of destroyed who I was. Oh well, maybe it will come back, maybe not. I'm almost fine with the way I am now...most of my time I spend with the kids and don't really have time, or the inclination, for anything else.
Which reminds me of a conversation in the office today - one of the guys asked if we regretted getting married. I thought a long time about that one - back then when I thought things were fine, no I didn't at all. Now? To some extent I do, but I have two beautiful kids that are my world, so the hell I went through is worth it because of them.
Funny thing, sometimes when we talk its like the old days - like back when we were dating. And sometimes its like pulling teeth. I had come to the conclusion that the ex wasn't cut out for marriage or being a full-time mom. I don't hate her...not in the least. I'm more disappointed in her and her behavior. Sure, there is some anger at not being told ahead of time about the abuse, but it is what it is. Would I have still married her if she revealed that? Possibly.
Now, I'm in a place where I am struggling, but its a different sort. I have to figure out life after divorce. I have to figure out whats the best path toward it and giving the kids the best I can. That's my sole focus. Nothing else.
Do I want anything in the way of relationships? Not even sure, not going to lie. The woman who I was talking to made it clear that there is no interest from her end other than talking, so there is that. As far as Harley is concerned, that honestly scares me. The universe and signs opened that door for some reason, I just have to figure out what it is. I'm nervous about the visit and what it brings, no - make that scared.
People say that exes are that for a reason and there is no going back. Some are success stories and some are not. Some are scared to try again. I can honestly say that with Harley, we made each other better in so many ways. But that was so long ago. Even if we did, it would be totally starting over. Just not sure how much gas I have in the tank. And I'm not sure if this whole thing with Harley and thinking about her is a diversion from the pain of the divorce. I don't think so...after all, she contacted me after my last job change/update.
[quote=TxHubby It sounds like you're in good spirits. That's really the ultimate goal whether a marriage works or not. I'm glad you mentioned the universe and signs. Some people say God. It's all good. YES, the universe talks to us all the time. Most people ignore signs. Once I stopped ignoring them and follow the signs, the worm definitely turned in my favor. Take that approach with Harley. If it's meant to be then it will be. If your marriage was meant to be saved then it would have been. Don't sweat it if your future isn't crystal clear. That leaves the door open to great adventures. Keep your mind and heart open and just go with the flow. Good luck. [/quote]
There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
I'm glad you mentioned the universe and signs. Some people say God. It's all good. YES, the universe talks to us all the time. Most people ignore signs. Once I stopped ignoring them and follow the signs, the worm definitely turned in my favor.
Signs.
Have been thinking about that for a bit since you mentioned it. You're absolutely right, most of us ignore signs. However, maybe its a little more involved than just ignoring. Maybe, its the inexperience, too. Or not knowing how to see them. And maybe its just going with the gut feeling. Or maybe ignoring and hoping that the gut feeling is wrong.
Looking back, all the little things that didn't add up about my ex-wife...all the flags/signs, some of which I ignored and some of which I didn't see until it was too late. I can remember back when we were dating and how she reacted to certain situations and thinking that was odd, but just chalking it up to her idiosyncrasies. Little did I know - or realize - that it was all tied to her abuse. But the signs were there, and I think the question is why didn't I see them or pay attention?
Take Harley for instance. A perfect example of missing signs. They were there, but for some reason I couldn't see how she felt...now I can, but I couldn't back then. A good example is the talk we had about if she should re-up or not. I can remember that day as if it were yesterday - it was rainy and we had the windows open and were watching a move when she brought up the subject - out of the blue. At the time, I didn't put two and two together about her wanting me to ask her to stay. She repeatedly asked what I thought about her re-upping and things like what I'd do or we'd do if she didn't. The signs were all over that conversation. I ended up telling her to do what she thought best. I didn't say stay, but I wanted to. And now I know that's what she so desperately wanted me to say. Sigh. Now I'm being presented with new - and more complex - signs once again.
So you see, signs are always there - IF one chooses to look or believe. But it also isn't as easy as that. I think that part of being in tune with the universe and signs and being able to see them also means that one has to be more in tune with their own self. Maybe that's why I missed a lot back then. I still miss them, but I am getting more in-tune with what's being shown...although at this stage it may be a little too late.
There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
Here's one for the sign gurus. As we know, signs come in many, many different forms - from what's said/not said to dreams to seeing things. Back when we were dating, Harley put a San Fransisco 49er sticker on my car as a joke...over this past week, I have seen that same sticker on a car four, maybe five times now. Sign or coincidence?
I love these kinds of discussions...
There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
