Is there any way that those emails can be blocked? They may not be coming from her at all, but my guess is that they are.
As for him calling the OW...yes, he leads her on and I think deep down, he likes the chase and wants the "pick me" dance to begin. Some of them enjoy having two women fighting over them. Just remember...you can't control what he does. You can only control the way you react to what he's doing.
About marriage counseling. I don't think now is the time for that. I think both of you need to IC first. Some, but not, all will encourage a separation to see if the "cooling off period" will work or even say that the marriage is beyond repair. I honestly don't want this type of conversation to take place at this time. IC is more about time working on individual issues and once those issue are resolved, then follow up w/marriage counseling.
The OW is geeting exactly what she hoped for. She's driving a wedge between the two of you and the more she does this, the more your heated discussions will escalate and he'll be out the door. I know you want this resolved...but it's going to take some time. Step back now! You've said what was on your mind and he knows that he is skating on thin ice. Now, it's up to him to decide what his actions will be and face those consequences.
Keep the focus on you. Do not allow the OW to take up space in your mind. She's not paying rent there. Step back and allow this situation to play out naturally. The more you try to reason w/him about the situation, the happier the ow is because she knows she's getting to you. Don't allow her to see you sweat!
Bottom line...step back and remember to breathe!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Bear in mind, for your H, this is like an addiction. He doesn't WANT to drink, but he keeps being tempted to go to the liquor store and look at the bottles.
I'd love to read what the OW emailed to you - just an interesting view into the mind of the OW. Of course, remember he has probably been telling her a boatload of lies.
The emails (3 as of yesterday) tell me he is lying, cheating @sshole. I did contact the tech dept at work and they are blocking them from my inbox. They are coming from a website that sends anonymous emails.
JOB- when H agreed to MC he said he hadn't agreed before because he is afraid he is going to get bashed. The place we are going is a marriage and family therapy practice. The counselor is marriage and family certified and PRO marriage. It was the first question I asked. I do not want someone to tell me to separate.
I have no intention of letting the OW see me do anything. I am not acknowledging the emails at all. I am 100% sure they are from her and I will not give her the time of day. H said he would call her and tell her to stop and I said absolutely not because she is looking for that and NC is the way it has to be forever. He agreed.
H is being very forthcoming over the past few days. We had a conversation about the OW the other night. It wasn't heated...H admitted he felt needed by her and she boosted his ego. My IC told me nostalgia is a drug and addicting. That is exactly what happened. OW has shown her true colors and H thought the emails were unacceptable because he knows I have done nothing. I have not and will not contact OW...ever. I have way to much class for that.
H told me this morning that he wants this 100%...he knows I love him but right now don't like him very much. He is giving me my space. I can tell he is unsettled by my behavior.
As far as the "pick me" dance...funny you should mention that. I told H that I would not fight for him. I told him I can't control him and he will do what he wants.
I told him I will NEVER compete with an OW when he is my H. I shouldn't have to, and I won't.
