I know, I know...I will be better. I have counseling appt today, she is going to be like...OMG, how things change in 7 days!!!
Tonight we are going to D14 chorus concert and H is coming instead of going to a charity board meeting. This is huge for him... usually he would go to his meeting.
Two weeks ago he ditched all of us for dinner and hit golf balls.
This is a positive step...why can't I just take it for that and move on?
Go to your counseling appt. today. You need that safe haven to vent and bounce things around to help you better understand why you can't detach a bit more and/or drop the rope.
To answer your question as to why you can't take his actions for what they are and move on? You are still are very much focused on what he says and/or does. You are allowing what he does to affect you and your mood. When you detach a bit more, it won't bother you as much.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Job, You are right...I also don't want to get "burned" or think he is pulling the wool over my eyes. I did just check phone records and he did block her!
She was not blocked this morning. I need to take to counselor, talk here and shut my big fat mouth at home.
It is hard to detach...each day is a different roller coaster ride. I do have plans with friends tomorrow night and Friday afternoon and then he plays golf on Sat. We are going to a Kentucky Derby party as a family Sat afternoon.
This will give us (me) a little bit of my own time with him being responsible for the kids. I need it.
I did it! I stayed quiet about any R talk ALL DAY yesterday. My counseling appt was good...and H was fine last night. We talked about his work and other safe stuff.
Attended D14 chorus concert as a family.
When we went to bed, he leaned over and gave me a kiss goodnight and said I love you. I almost fell off the bed. Instead of acting shocked and making a big deal about it (because I haven't heard it in a while) I just said I love you too, in a quiet voice.
I saw where he blocked ow from his phone but he hasn't told me yet, and I won't ask!! That would be a 180 for me!!
He also has changed his facebook a little. He deleted some posts with the kids...not sure why. I asked him to block her but maybe he made his page less "personal"? I don't want him checking into places and she seeing where he is.
Dig deeper for patience and sit quietly. The less you talk about the R an the OW, the better.
I'm very proud of you! If you were able to do a 180 yesterday, you can do it again today.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Did it again!! No R talk. Went out with friends last night for Cinco De Mayo and had fun. When I got home I said hi to H but did not give him a kiss hello (this is opposite of my norm...)
No I love you yesterday but this morning he told me and the girls "love you all"...
H did call from work yesterday to say hi.
I haven't asked for facebook password yet. Not quite sure how to go about it. H still hasn't told me he blocked OW from phone but I know he did. I still won't ask. I noticed he can't be tagged on anything on FB...so I am not sure why he did it.
Keep up the good work! The less you say at this time, the better. I wouldn't ask for the password to his FB page for a while. Sit back, sit quietly and the answers will come. You need to wait patiently for him to come to you and he might be testing you to see if you are going to revert back to your old ways of asking questions and snooping. Don't do it! Show him the new you, which is someone who can wait until he approaches you.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Thanks JOB! You are wise and correct. I won't say anything.
It is funny because last night I didn't make a comment and he asked about it. It wasn't a big deal but I laughed to myself. You see, apparently I snore...before we went to sleep H said "Hey, no snoring tonight" (in jest).
I said nothing. He then said "What, no comment?" I said "nope"...H said "You always have a comment"
H then said my snoring is part of the "package". This is my old H! We call M the "I do package"...so me and my snoring go hand in hand.
I am hoping for a peaceful weekend. Last weekend was awful but I almost wonder if it needed to happen to wake him a bit from assuming I was turning into a doormat.
Good morning. Weekend was ok until last night. H and I got in a huge fight and he left. He did come back but had no regard for how upset the kids were. He blames me for everything...He called ow over the weekend and I found out and called him on it because he had blocked her from his phone.
H said she left him a vm at work on fri about a drs appt and he wanted to check up on her. H did tell me that he told her the phone call didn't mean anything and that he was still working on m.
Well I was upset...argument ensued and he left. When he got home he blamed me for him leaving. It was ridiculous.
This morning I apologized for walking away from him (which caused him to tell me to screw and he left) and he didn't apologize for anything...not even upsetting the kids.
Things over the weekend were good until then. H had a few drinks and I think that is what made him so mean.
When he got home I said nothing and went to bed. He slept downstairs.
The more you point out that he's still in communication w/the ow, the more he will be tempted to do so behind your back and yes, heated arguments will continue.
The call may not have meant anything to him, but it meant a lot to the ow. It told her that he still cares about her and her well being. Now, she knows just how to bait him to contact her.
If he truly was working on the marriage, he would cut all contact w/her, especially responding to her calls, text messages, etc. He's still "addicted" to her and will continue to be that way until he stops returning and/or answering her calls.
The drinks may have helped w/him being mean, but I think, he was that way because you caught him doing something that he shouldn't have been doing. He's like a child getting a cookie out of the cookie jar after "mom" has told him no.
I'm sorry things turned a bit "south" last evening, but unless he's completely transparent about all communication w/the ow to you, it's going to be difficult for him to work on the marriage w/you.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
