Life's a Dance-One Step Forward and Two Steps Back

[bttrfly]

suck should have been shock, thank you auto-incorrect

[melweb]

I actually thought 'suck' was right, bttrfly.lol. But 'shock' is good too.

Sotto-- Damn, why did I not think of that?? I guess I was rather surprised by it. I kind of did not know what to say. Tho-- "Does your girlfriend know you say these things to me?" came to mind.

I understand what you are saying about the cake eating. I feel totally stuck in the middle-- a place I do NOT want to be. I have to live with him til June, so trying to be civil, but not a doormat; not be too friendly, but not cold and angry (that was one of my 180s) Hey, honestly, I just don't know what I am doing.

TxH-- I thought I did pretty good when he told me he was headed to OWs for weekend.

Btw-- I went to a line dancing class tonite. Boy, was it fun. I laughed and even worked up a little bit of a sweat. Looking forward to going again.

[melweb]

Ok, so the MLC crazy train has stopped again. At Melweb station, but who knows for how long.

H came home the night before and was telling me he was looking at townhouses with garages, etc. I said "okey dokey." (Really. I did,) I let him go on like it did not bother me and that its normal to have a convo with your H about moving out.
Anyhow, he asks me to sit as I have popcorn and then he says "Can you ever trust me again?" I say " its going to take time." He goes on about how it would be easier to leave because of guilt, and he launches into that Mt Everest analogy again. I just listen as he goes on, and basically tells me AGAIN he is not ready to give up on us. Then tells me "thanks for listening."

Before the night is over, I say A has to end and I need irrefutable proof. He says ok. In the morning he texts S15 that he is not leaving. (So now he involved our youngest and I am going to go full on Mama Bear if he starts jerking his chain too. Its one thing to do it to me, but something else entirely to do it to our kids.)

By last night he says he sent NC text to OW, unfriended and blocked her from fb and removed all contact info. And I can have acess to cell phone and email.

I am seriously guarding my heart this time. I have fallen for this too many times before. And as I said, I truly thought him leaving was for the best. For both of us. Idk whats going on in his head (nor do I want to) but I am looking out for me and my son.

[kml]

Lolol....what an excellent example of dropping the rope!!!!

You stop fighting him. Agree he should move out. Go out dancing. And BOOM! It dawns on him that you might move on without him!

Sometimes nothing brings them to their senses quite like getting everything they think they want.

[melweb]

Nope. False alarm. He's leaning out again. He contacted her for "closure", because he had only sent a text before. Whatever!!

At this point, I don't even know. I am not even sure why I am surprised, really. I just know I cannot play his game anymore. I firmly believe if she was not in the picture, we would have a fighting chance, but he needs to believe that too, and he doesn't.

[HaWho]

If this is MLC, it is the child h who is having the affair not the adult h. He needs to work those childhood issues out to grow up. It is his best chance at getting through this.

The OW is never about you. You can try to stop the A but those issues will still be there lurking. And if he stops, each time he goes back it will be worse. These are his issues to resolve.

Focus on you and your boundaries.

[melweb]

I know! I know! I know! All of it, HW, I know!!

Do you think this is not MLC though? Because some days, I feel like I am just making an excuse for him, and the dude just really means what he says, and there is nothing left--- of our M, in his heart, and he is just done.

I do still believe that he should leave, that it would prob be best, mostly for him, but for me too, as I cannot take this 'in/out' much longer. But he keeps coming back 'in' and I think he means it. I am so gullible!!!

[HaWho]

Melweb - sorry if I frustrated you!

To me, that massive confusion he is exhibiting is ringing the MLC bell. I believe you mentioned he had a troubled childhood and unresolved issues there. He would have gone through denial and the anger/irritability. Sure, with all those check marks it's probably MLC.

You guys had a few stressful years there, too. The relocating and changing jobs would have taken its toll. Of course things would have been bumpy during all that!

We all have to keep working on taking care of ourselves through this craziness. It's a nutty place we find ourselves.

[melweb]

Oh HW. I'M sorry. You did not frustrate me. I am frustrated by H, myself and mostly this sitch!!

I know that even if/ when the A is over, he is still in MLC. And that is one slow moving crazy train. Yet, it def seems that OW is clouding his judgement (not that he actually has any right now.) He makes a decision to stay and work on
M, and 2 days later ( after he contacts OW), he's leaving again. Surprise, surprise.

[2Times2Many]

Mel, I sometimes wonder if my sitch is really MLC, too. And I worry that I'm making excuses for him or trying to find hope that this will change.

I think you have to go with your gut and it's part of doing all you can for your M, regardless of the sitch. And in your case, it's a great example to set for your boys re upholding commitments and not running away or throwing in the towel when the going gets tough.

It sounds like your H has the same confusion most of the MLCers have. He's flipping back and forth between what he knows somewhere deep down is the right thing to do and the lure of what he's become addicted to (the A). I think that is something you have to let him figure out himself, unfortunately.

But I do believe that they compare the OP with the LBS, so keep working on you and being the one only a fool would leave.