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Originally Posted By: BrightFuture

I catch myself on a thought “what if…? H would want to come back???” What would I do, how would I feel? I know your W has a long way to go… But… here I am, saying “you just never know what future holds”,


I agree Bright, what if? I am just not waiting for that what if.
If it happens , i'll see where I am.


xxx Thanks for the fathers day wish, Mleigh, Bright and IP xxx

Fathers day was amazing. luckily i got over a summer cold quick. The previous weekend I went to see the F1 races and was sitting in the rain for a few hours. No sweater no jacket . shivering. I had to go to the hospital a few days later mild pneumonia. Meds , rest and antibiotics. No way was that going to stop me for fathers day weekend.

Saturday was horse back riding and Sunday zip lining along with a 3 hour obstacle course with the girls and 2 of their friends who call me daddy lol. No father figure around so I am filling those shoes too.

This weekend I am travelling to the States, Adirondack state park to do some camping and kayaking with the girls. I received their passports on time even with the hassle my STBXW put me through. She finally singed the papers as if she was doing me a favor. lol.. oh I tell you sometimes .... cost me 500$ in lawyers fee for her to finally do it. I'll take it as a favor.

I'm hoping this weekend will be as good as last year. We have been going to this same park since the girls were born. Last year when STBXW cut out we went anyway and had ourselves a blast. I don't see this year being any different.

For all those who are still in the DB stage, wondering if she or he will wake up. Please see a lawyer and get yourself protected. I failed to do so concerning the house. Everything else is settled. I may be forced to sell the house because my STBXW decided again to change her payout. I know its just a house but I know deep down I will be hurt leaving here. This is where i raised my girls. They don't want to leave either.

I will fight it and also bring up every statement that I paid into the home. It will not be a 50/50 split. Of the 10 years we lived here only the last 3 we were married. I will play that card. If i handled it like I was advised to in the beginning from so many veterans here when STBXW was manic... I would of secured the home. I thought it would upset W, that it would affect any chance of R, I wanted to be the nice guy. 100% big mistakes. W doesn't care , W has no sympathy, she is only looking out for herself. You all need to do the same.

Anyway that is next week and today I pack for camping ..

hope you are all well.

Hugs

Irish


M51
XW43 (38 at bd)
BD1 MAY 30 2015
BD2 JUNE 25 2015 by text
moved out Aug 2 2015
left both Daughters 13 and 15 (now 18-20)
Her divorce Final July 26 2016
Last time she saw her kids Aug 2 2015
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Irish

Good to see/hear you are firmly grounded ... and yes I echo the advice, if you are new reading the threads trying to find tidbits .. do not think your sitch is different, your WAS is different ...protecting yourself does not change any chance of R, in fact you standing up for yourself may in fact be more attractive than you realize and worse case ... you do not end up being taken advantage of.

Peace as always Irish.


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Hi Irish.

I read today that women that are not legally married but just cohabitate usually don't experience midlife crises.
Your divorce might be a good thing and it might allow your woman to get back to you if you still want her at that point.
I am hoping the same will happen to my wife as well.
For some reasons, getting married legally and being called "my wife" turns them off.

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This is such BS it really does not even deserve a comment? Where did you read this, on a box of cereals?

Last edited by job; 06/29/16 05:57 PM. Reason: Cleaned up the langauge.
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Hi Cali thanks for ringin in.

Claudio ,I'm going to use a phrase I read here offen to the MLCr's - sorry you feel that way. I don't think being married or not had anything to do with the crisis. The MLC'r need to eliminate all ties and responsibilities is what drives the divorce. Someone having a crisis all reflects on them and has to do with themselves. The marriage, kids , job , family and friends are all obstacles.

Vapo, I understand your frustration but if it didn't deserve a comment , then why comment.

Nothing to share this week other than amazing times camping with the girls.
No news from STBXW. It's nice.

Lawyers are talking about options concerning the house. I will fight for it but I wont pay her more that what she's entitled to. She doesn't remember our life together so she definitely doesn't remember how stubborn I can get concerning protecting my family. My family is me and my girls .

Hope you are all well. It's been quiet on the forum. I think we are all at the same stage of reflection and moving forward

Hugs

Irish


M51
XW43 (38 at bd)
BD1 MAY 30 2015
BD2 JUNE 25 2015 by text
moved out Aug 2 2015
left both Daughters 13 and 15 (now 18-20)
Her divorce Final July 26 2016
Last time she saw her kids Aug 2 2015
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Irish,

The word marriage and "my wife" have very deep meaning in the brain of a woman.
It can mean behind trapped like in a cake, being used and being abused for financial and emotional needs.
Without that legal document life would be much more free and flexible and the time has come to get rid of it.
A question for you Irish.
Is your wife a chaos child?
Meaning, did her parents not like each other and divorced before she was 10?
Was she abused as a child?
If the answer is yes your wife is having a midlife crisis and her body is being run by a machine. That's not the woman you married, she has shark eyes and a smirk on her face.

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I cage.

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Hi Claudio

Yes my STBXW is a crisis child
Her mom and grandmother had issue as well
Aunt an cousin on the mother side have issues as well. Stuck in their crisis.

My STBXW had a quarter life crisis similar to this one that lasted 3 months in her early 20's

Shark eyes, smirk, narcicistic behaviour, rewritting history, alcohol and drug abuse, OM, spending spree, anger and hatred towards me and total neglect of the kids. It's been since aug 4 2015 she hasn't seen them.

She is not the woman I married or loved. I have and am moving on for both my sanity and for my kids.

Nothing I can do for her.

I know she is in a crisis. MLC or other mental complications.

She is broken. It's up to her to get fixed.

Putting it as a marriage issue is wrong in your comment. The marriage is only holding back her so called Hapiness and freedom.

I want the divorce. If by miracle she wakes up, does the work, connects to the kids and out of the smallest chance connects with me. I don't want to be married to this woman.

Cheers

Irish


M51
XW43 (38 at bd)
BD1 MAY 30 2015
BD2 JUNE 25 2015 by text
moved out Aug 2 2015
left both Daughters 13 and 15 (now 18-20)
Her divorce Final July 26 2016
Last time she saw her kids Aug 2 2015
Joined: Jun 2016
Posts: 303
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Irish,

I have posted an article/topic called "This is helping me with my wife's midlife crisis". It's very good!
Basically it says this:
The crisis will last between 2 and 5 years so be patient don't burn any bridges.
Do not talk to her, and if you really have to only short talk, no long sentences.
Try to avoid arguments and criticism.
Be always calm and polite.
Your wife that you married will come back to you, you only have to be patient and believe that she will.
Hugs,
Claudio

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Claudio,
I do not know where you found that article on women that are not legally married, but just cohabitate usually don't experience midlife crisis. Anyone can have one if they've got unresolved childhood issues. The word "marriage" doesn't trigger the midlife crisis. They look at the marriage as being the problem, as well as the spouse, and that's why many of them want a divorce. They think that by divorcing us, they'll feel better and have the freedom to do whatever they want w/o us (the authority figures in their lives watching and trying to control them).

MLC can happen to single people, people in partnerships/relationships, priests, ministers, etc. It happens in all walks of life. It's about unresolved childhood issues. These crisis people where stunted emotionally as children and these unresolved issues were stuffed down until later on in life.

I am going to suggest that you go back and re-read some of the links that Cadet posted to you a while back and do some reading on this forum as well as doing a search of midlife crisis on the internet because whatever you've been reading about people not being legally married or just cohabitating usually don't experience a midlife crisis is incorrect.

Irish, sorry for the hijack!


Last edited by job; 06/29/16 06:17 PM.

Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
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