after BD wife has changed into a person who she once criticized. Hooked up and moved in with the first guy she met online. Her soul mate.Together 2 weeks after BD and living together 1 month after BD.
Wife not only abandoned me but our 2 Daughters. 13 and 15. W is now 8 months into not seeing them. Only 10 emails reaching out to them with no real effort about seeing them or being their mom. 1 Phone call that i had force the girls to call their mom.
Cut off all her friends , has slowly connected with her family.
I am the source of all her sadness. Her anger is towards me. Yet she never told me what i did or didn't do. Only said she has to find herself. Does not want to be married, doesn't want to be a girlfriend, a mom or a friend. Needed to find herself. Was not happy.
Mediation failed because she didn't want it to happen that way. It was very hard for her to look at me in the eyes. Her guilt was very obvious.
W gave me full custody like she was giving away old clothes. Took half of the furniture in which she lost when she failed to pay her apartment and abandoned it all to move in the OM
MIL who supports W to continue her path. MIL did the same crisis at W's age so she says its OK. MIL turned into a narcissist , selfish cold woman after her BD.
W has talked bad about the Daughter. Saying iots them who forgot her and call her bad names. All to justify why she doesn't see her daughters.
Since then , I redecorated the house for D's and me. We went camping, hiking, biking, zoos, movies, sleepovers with friends and family, new puppy, all great new memories.
W missed, both their birthdays, summer school for my D15 where she got A's ( 90's in Canada).removed D15's braces, meeting my youngest D13 boyfriend, Christmas and my D's first new years kiss from a boy.
No sign of her waking up any time soon.
M51 XW43 (38 at bd) BD1 MAY 30 2015 BD2 JUNE 25 2015 by text moved out Aug 2 2015 left both Daughters 13 and 15 (now 18-20) Her divorce Final July 26 2016 Last time she saw her kids Aug 2 2015
Hi Ciluzen, Gwen and Job glad you all liked the Irish prayer. It keeps me going too.
Easter weekend. No news from STBXW concerning her accepting my counter offer and my protecting our daughters reputations against her lies and excuses of why she doesn't see them.
I wrote to my STBXW a letter. I know I shouldn't and I know its pointless but it does me good. I have written maybe 3 in all throughout these past 8 months. Mostly to put STBXW in her place about our Daughters. They got zero reaction from her and Zero response. I expected that as well.
In the letter i mention that Divorce is almost complete. She is getting what she wants so bad to happen. It's her divorce. I go on to thank her for the past 17 years as I saw it as a happy marriage and loving home for the girls. then i get to the real meat of the letter. My daughters. This is the topic that i am having the hardest tome dealing with and accepting. She abandoned them. Her entire family has now abandoned them.
All I say to STBXW is that she can reach out any time if she wants to talk about our Daughters. That I feel that their relationship with her is important and one day it needs to be mended. I will be there only to help her with them. No talk about us. They need a mom.
It's been 3 days , no response and none expected.
Why is this the only thing that bothers me. I see and talk to so many women and they can grasp the thought of ever leaving their kids like that. The say she is really sick or was never meant to be a mom.
GAL. this weekend the girls have a sleep over with friends and we are going to the sugar shack (maple syrup) to enjoy a feast of bacon, pancakes, sausages, toast and eggs. Then a horse ride and dessert is boiled maple syrup poured on the snow until it hardens to toffee.
Regular Easter egg hunt and at my parents house for an Easter supper.
No missing STBXW and no talk of her from the daughters. Guess i should mind my own business on their relationship with their mom. it just hurts so much.
happy Easter to everyone.
M51 XW43 (38 at bd) BD1 MAY 30 2015 BD2 JUNE 25 2015 by text moved out Aug 2 2015 left both Daughters 13 and 15 (now 18-20) Her divorce Final July 26 2016 Last time she saw her kids Aug 2 2015
I totally understand what you are saying and have felt the same about my kids and their missing MLCer dad It is not really understandable to us why and how they can totally abandon their kids Especially since many of these MLCers were good parents b4 crises I don't have the reason but i feel the same
I like that you explained to W, that you will be there to help repair their R if she becomes ready
I hope one day that my X will also choose to contact and follow through with reconciliation with kids
Happy Easter
married 14 years H 42 bomb 2/07 IDLYA D final 3 /09 M ow D ow
Hello Irish, I can understand your feelings about your W and how fractured her R with her D's is. It always seems worse when it is a woman, who has carried these D's within her for 9 months - and who now hasn't connected with them for almost that amount of time.
It is sad when you post of what she is missing out on and I can't see how she can't come to regret that. Yes, she may or may not choose to be with Irish again (though he does sound very nice!) Fair enough - but your kids are different. But I think all this does show that something is truly quite broken within just now.
I don't believe that will always be the case and I do think she will try and rebuild with them (and perhaps you?) at some point. For sure, it can't help if her Mum is supporting her (how can you support someone not to be in touch with your own kids??) The only scenario where I could understand that is if your kids were (say) hooked on drugs and stealing from you or similar...
Anyway - it sounds as though you are doing well in all circumstances - and you will never regret being around to see the braces come off, meet the boyfriend and so on.
Take care Irish xx
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
At some time down the road, your W is going to reach out to the girls and try to rebuild some type of relationship w/them. Your girls will then decide if they want to do so or not. Your W may even attempt to try to reach out to you as a friend and nothing more at that time. Again, that will be a decision you will need to make when the time comes.
I'm sorry she's still out to lunch and is missing out on all of the important stuff going on in your life, but more importantly, the girls are growing up and this is the time when they really need a mother to talk to about their feelings, etc. However, I think you are doing a great job in handling the situation and your girls know that you will always be there for them.
I do hope that you and the girls have a nice time tomorrow. It's Easter and usually there are some new little babies on the farm and I'm sure they'll have fun checking them out.
Travel safely.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Irish, I'm going to assume the horse ride is on a farm or at a stable nearby...per my comment about the new little babies. The girls will thoroughly enjoy themselves because it sounds like you've got the day planned out.
Enjoy!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Hi Irish, good for you for sending the letter to you W. No response from her tells me that there is a lot of guilt. At least she hasn’t responded with more spew and blame. Maybe she is thinking hard about what she’s done to her daughters. 8 months is not a long time in MLC world. But, your W is missing a very important time in her daughters’ lives.
It looks like you have some fun activities planned for this weekend. Enjoy your time with your D’s and family.
M:50 H:52 S28 (my S from previous marriage) M:17 + 3 BD: 06/12 S: 06/12 - H works in another state
thanks again for the support Bright, Peach, Sotto and especially Job. You deserve a huge hug. Amazing work you do here Job. All of you actually.
well another holiday came and went and no signs of life from STBXW.
I actually had a dream of her and MIL. Parked outside the house watching us. Observing our lives as is they were waiting for us to crack or fail in some way. I remember going out to their car to talk to them and they sped off. Gave me a Flash back to what STBXW did in real life last fall while she watched us have our garage sale. She sped off them too when my dad spotted her. She denied being there.
I won't lie, waking up after that dream I went into deep thoughts about my MLC W. Missed her being here. I didn't stay in bed too long, got up shook it off and woke the girls up to have Easter Sunday breakfast at my parents and the outdoor egg hunt. 13 - 15 , trust me they are never too old to hunt for chocolate.
We did the farm and sugar shack on the Saturday along with the horse riding. It was muddy but a lot of fun. Was so good the toffee on the snow. Google "syrup on snow" for those who have never had it.
We had 2 of my D's friends over the Friday night for a sleep over. I let them have the cinema room downstairs all to themselves. Could hear laughing until 1 a.m.
At the sugar shack , one of the friends called me Dad. I was taken back. Then they all gave me a group hug. It was nice and touching. The friends are from broken homes and their Dads are not dads, not sure if there is MLC there i don't ask. So I guess I've given them some normalcy to their lives and made them feel loved.
I will contact my Lawyer tomorrow to get a follow up sent out on my counter offer. I feel it necessary to get it done. I can't live in limbo. Its going to be only 9 months since she left and 10 months since the BD. Her being a runner I need to protect myself and my kids.
Hope the Easter bunny was good to you all.
Irish
M51 XW43 (38 at bd) BD1 MAY 30 2015 BD2 JUNE 25 2015 by text moved out Aug 2 2015 left both Daughters 13 and 15 (now 18-20) Her divorce Final July 26 2016 Last time she saw her kids Aug 2 2015
Hi Irish I'm slowly catching up. Easter has catapulted me back several miles .. I so relate to you wanting out of limbo. I think it's fine that u sent he letter and have no expectation and I completely understand the pain. My stbx decided it was preferae to be on a plane than to be nearby to celebrate Easter. I guess all we can do is try to heal. You are such a caring dad ... Your girls and their friends need to see hat not all men will abandon them.
Going to Death Valley friday
M 20+ T25+ S ~15.5 (BD) BD 4/6/15 D 12/23/16
"Someone I loved once gave me A box full of darkness. It took me years to understand, That this too, was a gift." ~ Mary Oliver
