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How is everything 2T? Are you ok? Your in laws? I hope everyone is well. Take care and let us know how everything is coming along.


"There's nothing sadder than a conman conning himself"

“There is freedom waiting for you,
On the breezes of the sky,
And you ask "What if I fall?"
Oh but my darling,
What if you fly?”

-Erin Hanson





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Hi Esame. Thanks for checking on me.

Things on the MLC front have been quiet. I did get a text from H a few days ago saying he was on to his brother's "game" and wasn't going to play. He said as far as the business goes, BIL won't be influencing any of his (H's) decisions, that I was the only one who had any sway. So that was kind of nice to hear.

I saw the Plastic Surgeon today and she did the biopsy on my nose and I should get the results early next week. She did say that if it is basal cell carcinoma, she would be referring to me to someone who will do the Moh's surgery. I feel like I've made a good decision going outside my HMO plan for this and am really comfortable that this group will take good care of me and not treat me like just another body streaming through their office. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that it is benign.

MIL is still in the hospital. They're concerned because her blood oxygen remains low. They were to do more tests today, so we'll see what that reveals. She's getting quite frustrated. She wants to go home.

Hope things are going well for everyone.


Me: 59 and holding
H: :53
Me: 1 S, 1 D, both grown
M: 19
T: 23
BD: 9-23-2013
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I'm glad the Plastic Surgeon let you know about the results early in the week. I give her kudos for telling you that if it is basal cell carcinoma, she would be referring you to someone who does the Moh's surgery. Yes, you made an excellent decision by going outside your HMO. You may end up paying a bit of out of pocket money, but it is well worth seeking medical care outside the HMO every now and then and this is one of those times.

I'm sorry to hear that your MIL is still in the hospital and they are running tests on her. She sounds like she's ready to come home and I can understand her frustration. Tests aren't fun, cost a lot of money and are time consuming...besides you very seldom get a good night's rest in the hospital.

I'm keeping both you in my thoughts and prayers. Sending positive thoughts your way.


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
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Hi 2x2Many - sorry to hear about your MIL. I will have her in my thoughts and prayers.

As for you, glad you went with the best possible care, for health and cosmetic reasons. There is something to be said for peace of mind.

And that's very nice your h gave you the vote of confidence over your BIL. I just caught up on your thread and given how divisive BIL has been, it's best you keep both eyes on him.

Thinking of you as you await those results.


Me 41, H 47, M 15 yrs, S11, S13
BD 1: 11/4/14 we work on it; really I pretzel myself
BD 2: 3/31/15 H goes down to "dorm room"
8/15: H back to MBR
10/15: H back in dorm room
1/18: H files, now divorced
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Hi 2x
Echoing others here with keeping good thoughts for you and your MIL ... good idea to get more personalized care. I worked for a dermatopathologist for 6 years, so this was def. the right approach to take.

yay that H has it tog enough to take your side over BIL xoxoxo


M 20+ T25+
S ~15.5 (BD)
BD 4/6/15
D 12/23/16

"Someone I loved once gave me
A box full of darkness.
It took me years to understand,
That this too, was a gift."
~ Mary Oliver
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MIL is home but is on oxygen and at the moment is bedridden due to the broken ribs. But nursing care will be coming in and hopefully she will soon be able to get up and moving some. Right now, she's just happy to be at home.

I haven't spoken to H since Tuesday at the office. I sent a text about the biopsy since he asked that I keep him posted about that and received a short response but no other contact.

In MLC land ...

When I asked H to move out of the house last October, I told him I didn't want any contact except about the business. At the time, he was treating me with a ton of disrespect in person and otherwise, acting like he could say and do anything and I'd put up with it, and I felt like I needed to let him know I wouldn't tolerate that stuff. He has done as I asked.

When he was here last time, he mentioned twice that I had asked him not to call and he had respected my wishes. He vaguely alluded to wanting to call once in a while just to talk about issues he may be having with suppliers or "other stuff" going on in his life. I told him to call any time he liked and that I'd enjoy talking to him.

To this point, he hasn't initiated contact (other than at the office) with the exception of a brief call on Mother's Day.

I feel like the time we spent together and the conversations we had when he was here were productive and I don't want that to fade away over the next two months. But I don't want to push or pursue.

I've been trying to decide if it's best to just let him be or if I should slightly open a window to encourage some contact from him since he alluded to that when he was here. If he wants to call more frequently for things other than business, then I want him to feel like he can and that I'm fine with that (now). But I want him to initiate contact because HE wants to and he feels like it's safe to do so. I don't want to come across as wanting or expecting him to call more. Am I making any sense?

I've decided to try an experiment. I sent an email this morning of the type one friend would send another. Nothing personal and absolutely no R stuff. It included things like I got this taken care of and I called that repair guy like he suggested. I gave him an update on my sister since he usually asks about her and said a few words about MIL. I also asked if he'd hung the pictures we bought when he was here and if the pants looked good with the shirts he was trying to match. Then wished him a great weekend. (On a side note, I always hate wishing him a great day or enjoyable evening because in the back of my mind I wonder if I just wished him a great time doing something I may not particularly be happy about.)

I'm curious to see what, if any, response I get to that. I'm not sure if that was the right thing to do or not. A year ago it absolutely would not have been as I was still the enemy and the cause of all his misery. I don't think I'm in that role anymore, so maybe sending the email was safe?? Time will tell, I suppose.


Me: 59 and holding
H: :53
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M: 19
T: 23
BD: 9-23-2013
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They do tend to remember some of the things that we tell them while in MLC land and one of those things is when we tell them not to contact us.

You've got the perfect excuses to stay in touch, i.e., business and his mother. BTW, I'm glad she's home and she'll get more rest in her own bed.

When something isn't working, try something different. Test the waters and if he comes out swinging, you'll know not to try that move again.

Enjoy your weekend!


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
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I'm chuckling, Job. Of course they remember us telling them not to contact us. That's music to their ears! Freedom!!!!

I don't know that what I was doing wasn't working. I think there has been some movement ... at least a little bit seemed evident. I just remember what you said about him not seeing a way back or a way to build a new R. I want him to see the possibility without pushing or pursuing. I'm just uncertain about how to do that.

Those uncharted waters. Ugh.


Me: 59 and holding
H: :53
Me: 1 S, 1 D, both grown
M: 19
T: 23
BD: 9-23-2013
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Good to hear your MIL is back in her quiet home.

As for your h remembering being told you wanted NC, of course they never remember all they did to incite that request. It would be interesting to ask "do you know why I wanted NC?"

Post BD, when my h ran downstairs and built his dorm room he told me he wanted space and time. And he told me he wanted a lot of space and time. In fact, he explicitly told me he didn't even want me walking the dog with him!

Months later, when he told me he no longer needed space, I temp. checked and asked about the r. He told me he was hurt that I never came downstairs even once to sleep with him in his bed!!! I reminded him that he told me to leave him alone and not to even walk the dog with him. And I asked, so why on earth would I crawl into bed with you?!? His answer: "oh yeah, I forgot. You're right."

I need to wheel an anti - MLC IV all around the house with me.


Me 41, H 47, M 15 yrs, S11, S13
BD 1: 11/4/14 we work on it; really I pretzel myself
BD 2: 3/31/15 H goes down to "dorm room"
8/15: H back to MBR
10/15: H back in dorm room
1/18: H files, now divorced
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Posts: 28,295
Likes: 112
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They tend to have selective memory. They remember what they want and the rest is fluff and hope and pray that you don't remember everything that they said and did along the way.


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
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