Why don't you come to your senses?

[HaWho]

Ugh - the MLC peer group. It's the theme that gives Will Ferrell endless movie scripts.

My h also dropped all normal friends in true MLC fashion. (He now once again talks to his best buddy from college.)

His two BFFs in MLC: both never before married men who are 50. One seemed to spend his days refilling his Viagra prescription and trolling bars/hitting on women even though he always had some live-in girlfriend. He hit on me once. H knew him pre-MLC and wouldn't touch him with a 10 foot pole. He was a complete louse of a guy. He was the type who gives that elevator look--a woman walks in and he looks at her from top to bottom and back up. Gross.

2nd guy: also 50, never married, lived in a beach house paid for by h parents (had a minimum wage job). He would hold parties at his parents house and party with his parents (they all acted like they were 20). My kids knew him as did many kids because he worked at a rec. center with children. One day my s12's friend said out of he blue: that guy is pathetic. He is 50 acting like he is 20.

I was invited to the first guy's house a few times. But I told h I didn't like him and didn't want to go anymore. One night, at a party, he came with his girlfriend but was in a corner hitting on another girl.

MLC is a real classy affair.

[mleigh4]

2times, another MLC song I heard recently...Behind blue eyes by the Who.

I hear it in so many songs now.

[BrightFuture]

I found the lyrics. Here it is:

Hotel MidLife Crisis

When you get close to 50, start losing your hair
And your vision gets blurry, from out of nowhere
And your job is a prison, and your sex life's no prize
And you wonder what life's all about. Are you just chasing lies?

Once again Monday morning, comes the 6 AM bell
And you're thinking to yourself ‘This ain't heaven, it seems more like hell’
And you drive on the highway, check for tunes that they play
But strange voices on the radio, all join in to say…

Welcome to the Hotel MidLife Crisis
It's a crazy place, a confusing space
Plenty of room at the Hotel Midlife Crisis
All your deepest fears, get exposed right here.

You might buy a new sports car, or a Mercedes Benz
Maybe find a pretty, pretty girl, that you'll call 'friend'
Hold her close on the dance floor, work up a sweat
And you never remember, what you choose to forget

Then you call to the desk clerk, ‘Please give me my key’
He says: ‘Here you are Mister Midlife sir. Room 623’
But still those voices are calling from far away,
Listen hard when you shut your eyes, and you'll hear them say…

Welcome to the Hotel MidLife Crisis
It's a crazy place, a confusing space
Livin' your life at the Hotel Midlife Crisis
You'll rewrite the truth, while you mourn your youth

Staring at the ceiling; pretty girl beside
She says: ‘Let's do this again tonight, that would be very nice’
You go into the bathroom, and stare into the mirror
But you can’t see that whatever you do, you can't escape the years.

Later on you'll remember, as the fog drains from your head
The selfish way that you acted, and angry words that you said.
And in despair you'll try to think, how did things get so bad?
You never found what you were looking for…
And you lost what you had!"

[BrightFuture]

I think Pink Floyd lyrics have a lot of midlife crisis influence. Every time I hear the song Brain Damage (“The lunatics are in my head…”), I think about H and the whole MLC concept. Also, some of the Kinks’s songs describe someone going through a midlife crisis (“Shangri-La", "Clichés of the World" …), and these are both some of the favorite H’s bands. I wonder if his MLC started a long time ago…

[melweb]

You found it!! Love it. Thanks

My H loves Pink Floyd too. (Coincidence?) He wants to see a tribute band in the summer with S18, before S18 goes into the army.

[2Times2Many]

Bright, so glad you found the lyrics. It is interesting how much you can find in songs now that you never really paid attentions to before.

Easter dinner with the in-laws was very nice. It seemed a little odd being there without H, but I enjoyed it and the meal was awesome. HaWho, if I had known that Christmas music was now appropriate for Easter, I would have insisted they put some on. Next year!

I saw the Greek Wedding movie this weekend. It was about what you'd expect, but uplifting and entertaining. One of those happily ever after movies. I was a little amused at the couple sitting next to me. I realized they were there on a date and the guy was clearly not into it. I think he dozed off at one point. I recall thinking that I hoped this wasn't the beginning of the R because it really wasn't a good idea for her to drag the guy to a chick-flick if it was. LOL.

And you guys will probably get a chuckle out of this one. It seems that the MLCer isn't the only one who can do whacky things. I was working on a jigsaw puzzle of ice cream labels this weekend and put together the bottom right corner. When I got it done, it didn't look like the picture on the box. I thought, great, I got a screwed up puzzle and who knows what else is wrong. After looking back and forth a few times, I finally realized the the "Made in USA" emblem was not part of the ice cream label in the puzzle, but was stamped on the box over the picture of the puzzle. Duh!

So, on to the serious stuff ...

H called in this morning and his happy mask apparently wasn't on. He was somewhat subdued compared to his usual self (which I think is a put on anyway).

He asked if I had gone to his parents for dinner and asked in way that made me feel like he didn't think I'd go without him (probably because I rarely do). Anyway, he wanted to know what we ate (said he was sorry he missed that meal), how long was I there, how did it go, did I enjoy myself? I answered everything honestly.

Then he asked about my sister (who is home from the hospital as of today but still needs to work on the eating thing) which surprised me.

He asked what else I had done over the weekend, so I offered up a little more. I told him I went to see a chick-flick. He actually remembered something ... and it was something rather insignificant! He said he thought I saw that last weekend and I told him I had the release date wrong and had seen something else instead.

As I said, he sounded very subdued. The conversation waned a bit and he acted like he wanted to keep talking but didn't know what else to talk about. So I bit the bullet and asked him what he did over the weekend. I don't usually ask because, quite frankly, I want to stay as far away from his stuff as possible. I also don't want to give him space to lie and then find out about it later. It doesn't sit well with me (as I suppose most of you have noticed ), but I suppose if I just accept that everything is a lie, I can deal with it and won't be so disappointed when the truth comes to light or be pleasantly surprised when I find out he's been honest.

He said he'd gone for a ride on his bike (motorcycle, of course), ran a few errands, did some things around his apt, and then perked up when telling me about going to a bar (I assume) with some friends to watch a sports game. After a little small talk about the game, I wrapped things up and passed him over to BIL.

I don't quite know how he's taking my Easter dinner with his parents. I had a tough time with that decision because I know that they are at the root of his problem and I didn't want him to feel like I was "choosing" them over him. For that reason, I have pretty much politely declined invites from them. But it was an opportunity to show him that life goes on here whether he's here or not. And going was a 180 because, as I said, I really haven't done that since all this came about. Most of all, I'm tired of coming up with ways to spend holidays without H (and my kids are otherwise occupied) when I know I'm welcome to join his family. We shall see how this one pans out.

[job]

I wouldn't worry too much about what your h thinks about you visiting w/his parents. If they invite you over and you want to go, then go. They still consider you a family member even if their son is a bit off his rocker these days.

He wanted to know what all took place because he was curious and realizes that he missed out on a great meal and also to see if he was missed/discussed by all. You handled this interrogation very well.

I do not think he's having a great time. He may act like it, but I don't think he is. If he were, he would sound more upbeat and tell you things w/o you having to ask.

He needs to realize that life goes on and it doesn't stand still just because he's not around.

Keep up the good work!

[2Times2Many]

Thanks, Job. I always appreciate your input. The truth is his name came up maybe twice on Easter and both times it was totally innocuous.

I get a day off tomorrow. When we remodeled the master bath a few years ago, we put in floor heating. The thermostat died and I had to call an electrician. He comes tomorrow between 10 and 2. A good reason to take a day off. Yeah! But, not happy about the potential cost. Oh well. I've come to accept that I live in a money trap.

I also got things scheduled to put down mulch now that the weather is warming up. I need to check out the sprinkler system and am hoping they all work ok because I know nothing about sprinklers and couldn't repair/replace one if I had to. That would be another repairman call. I'll tackle that this weekend. Keeping my fingers crossed.

On the MLC front, H is acting strange. Ok, I know that's par for the course, but ...

A few weeks ago I was posting about him not asking anything about what is going on here, and now he's asking all kinds of questions. He's asked about my sister, what I'm up to, stuff like that. He doesn't say much about what he's doing unless I ask. This is totally opposite of how he was behaving until a few days ago. When I did ask about how his weekend or day was, he downplayed and told me a bunch of boring stuff. He also sounds "down".

All of this is totally opposite of how he's been behaving recently. He usually shows no interest in what I'm doing and talks about all the great things he's doing. I get it and expect it.

So he downplays what he's up to, then he changes his profile pic on WhatsApp to one showing him with a big smile while participating in a holiday festival they do over there. Huh? He's telling me one thing and then posting pics that portray the exact opposite. My "watch out" radar is going bonkers.

He also changed his "status" from "busy plucking chickens" to "Shashlik or Hasenpfeffer." (Shashlik is Russian for shish- kabobs and Hasenpfeffer is German for rabbit stew.) I never asked about the chicken one and won't ask about this latest one either.

I'm so confused. It's like he tells me one thing and then puts something out there that he knows I will see that tells me he wasn't completely honest. What am I supposed to do with that? Is he trying to peak my curiosity ... get attention? Is he trying to get caught in ... well, not a lie ... but in misleading me? It doesn't make sense that he would portray leading a somewhat boring life and then post a pic that says the opposite. Did he just think his friends would get a kick out of the pic and forget that he didn't tell me about his festival?

Not that I really care about some festival celebration, but still???? What the heck is going on here and am I supposed to notice? Does he want/expect me to ask about it? My gut says ignore it but maybe I'm wrong. I think I'll resume my spot in the backstage shadows unless someone has another, better approach.

[job]

I hope your bill today isn't too expensive. You've got a lot going on w/repect to your home in the next few weeks, but once the mulch is down, the floor heating repaired and the sprinkler is up and running, you'll have it made in the shad.

MLCers are known for saying one thing and doing another. You pointed out that he's not been asking questions, so he's doing what "mom" wants him to do now...asking questions. That will ease off again...but he wants "mom" to notice that he is asking now.

I'm sure he's aware that you are checking out his page. I think he wants to confirm that you are reading his page and yes, he wants to see if you'll ask him about it.

He's the one that's confused and you are trying to rationalize what he's doing...if he doesn't know which end is up, how can you figure it out yourself. Sit back and observe. I wouldn't be too concerned w/what he's posting these days. He's seeking attention and figures people will question is status, i.e., one way to have people post to him.

Good luck today and I do hope you get your heating fixed!

[2Times2Many]

Thank you, Job. The floor heater needs a new thermostat and that will cost $280. I guess that's not bad. At least I'm not replacing the water main (again) or roof. LOL. It just stinks because this is something H could have done for about $60. Oh well.

I don't ask about his profile and status updates. He did change the happy, festival pic back to the "contemplative" pic he had before. Those type of pics - not smiling, but looking serious and in thought - seem to be the kind he prefers to post. I don't understand what image he's trying to project with those. Serious businessman who fits in with the kind of people he claims are his friends? IDK.

I have wondered about the Shashlik or Hasenpfeffer, though. I wonder if that isn't in reference to foreign food, but to foreign women. The complete phrase was "Shashlik or Hasenpfeffer ... hmmm" But then, if he's bouncing between two OW and they both use WhatsApp, that would be tipping his hand. But then, he might want two women fighting for him. I'll get no answers since I won't ask, but it's interesting to think about.

I came across his login information for another airline he uses (quite by accident) and have been sitting on my hands to keep from logging in and snooping. I'm assuming the login info hasn't changed. I keep telling myself that the site may have a "last login" message and stay away. It might also send an email for a failed login. Did he leave it where he did because he knew I would eventually find it? Is it a test? Nothing but trouble and possibly pain to be found there anyway. So hard to resist, though, because it could answer some questions.

An issue arose the last time he was here that was just fishy to me, so I came up with an innocent way to get some answers. Well, I was right to be suspicious and when I said I was under a different impression based on what he said, he went the gaslighting route. I confirmed he had manipulated me and I dropped it. He is so good at manipulation. My problem is I don't always recognize it until after all is said and done.

He gave BIL the dates for his trip back at the end of the month and he will be here for a whopping ... wait for it .... 7 days. He will have been gone 3 months and will give me the pleasure of his company for a whole week. I suppose I should feel lucky that he's giving me any time at all since he's leaving his awesome life there to come here. Okay, that was sarcastic, but what goes through my mind is why bother to come back at all? Oh yeah. I forgot. Have to keep 2T and BIL pacified ... they have to think I give a d$&m about what goes on over there. (Actually he does care ... he wants money to keep going into his bank account.)

I realize all that sounds like I'm angry or feel defeated, but like some of the other long-timers here, I keep wondering why I continue putting up with this. I can change course any time I want. Hire someone to do my job, let him buy me out of the business (not a good financial move for him) and start D proceedings.

Sometimes I feel compassion for him and tell myself that he can't help this. Then other times, I look at his picture and I'm briefly overcome by feelings of contempt for what he's done. Then I go back to the compassion. Wash, rinse, repeat.

I definitely don't want him back the way he is. No question about that. After 3 years I begin to doubt that he will ever come out of this.

But when I think about calling it quits, I feel like I'm just running away like he did. I feel like I need something to run to and I don't have that right now. I don't have the "this is where I want to go" mindset because I'm just not sure where I want to go. I also don't want to feel like a quitter. I don't want to regret that I bailed too soon. That I threw away my opportunity, because I know, somewhere in all that fog, he does love me.

Total and complete freedom is sitting just outside my door and I don't know what to do with it. I can do anything, go anywhere, live anywhere I want. Complete freedom. And I don't know what to do with it. Sad.

So, to lighten things up, I had another wacky moment today. I've discovered a way to shop and not spend money! I went to Home Depot today to get some light bulbs for the can lights in the kitchen and when I started to pay at the self-checkout my wallet wasn't in my purse. I had left it on the coffee table after purchasing something online earlier in the day. I had to ask the clerk to set the bulbs aside and give me 15 to 20 minutes to go home and get my wallet. Another "Duh" moment for me. I honestly don't know how anyone could want to leave someone as entertaining as I am!

I may tune in some basketball tonight. I'm not a fan, but my bracket has a chance of winning in the office pool. Of course, being the boss, I wouldn't keep the money. I'd use it to buy lunch for everyone or something similar.

Hope everyone is having a good weekend!

2T