Depressed to WW

[Scotch]

We talked last night about working towards the D together. Meaning doing as much "figuring out" without lawyers. Hopefully that works for financial reasons, but I guess my only fear is it will probably be a quicker process by not involving lawyers. Believe me, not that I want to spend 10k just to prolong this to see if I can save it, but it does suck knowing this may go quicker than I originally thought it might.

She certainly does seem more at peace when we talk about moving forward towards the D.

[Scotch]

We talked and have figured out a date to tell our kids, May 6th. That's gonna be the worst day of my life so far. Crushing my kids and taking a giant step towards divorce.

She seems in a better mood now. Not for the reasons I would hope for. Hopefully everyone is right and this will put her in a different frame of mind

[Scotch]

Anyone have good resources links on how to tell kids about a D? Maybe even pertaining to when both parents don't want the D.

I'm starting to write down what I can about telling them so I'm not blindsided but this is tough. I can use any help possible.

[Scotch]

She mentioned to me today about her and I going to counseling to get us on the the same page. Basically the way I was taking it was to help with any misunderstandings or to help me understand why she wants the D.

I don't know if this can backfire on me. I'm hoping any counseling is good counseling if we do this.

[J5K]

Scotch,

Maybe you can discuss with the counselor how to tell the kids, that way the same message is sent to the kids.

[Scotch]

JimKao,

Good point! Frankly I want her to tell my W we aren't prepared to do this yet. But good suggestion.

[twinmom]

Scotch, if the therapist were to tell your wife that I think she would put up a wall with the therapist if she even went back. You're not going to "talk" her out of this, like a rebellious teenager the more people who tell her it's a bad idea the more she is going to dig in her heels.

What are some GAL activities you have been doing lately? Tell me what you like doing.

[Scotch]

Twinmom,

Interesting point on the counselor. I admit I was taken back when she suggested doing counseling now. Especially since she has said no when I brought it up in the beginning of all this and was very certain about it. I don't know what the motive is. Maybe just to say she did it once and could tell everyone that

As far as GAL, it's tough. Here's what my family life is. My wife is a hair stylist. She works every Tuesday and Thursday night, every other Wednesday night and alternates sat and Sunday's every week. I have the 4 kids 17, 11 and 7 year old twins. So not making excuses but the GAL has been tough. I used to draw a lot and started doing that again. I put my headphones on after kids go to bed and draw at the kitchen table. I also coach my sons baseball team so that's keeping me busy for a few hours on the weekends. I'm starting up playing softball myself in a week or so, 1 night a week. Not doing much else other than that. I've read other posts where people just retreat to their bedroom to get away. I could do that.

[Scotch]

And might I add this is my major issues with pulling back (going dark), with her already not around as much as usual couples are with her work schedule, I feel I'm only seeing her 3 evenings at best and 10 minutes in the morning as I leave for work

[twinmom]

I get that GAL is hard with kids. Can you sit down with W and hammer out a schedule? Does your 17yr old watch the younger ones, as in W will be home in an hour(ish) so you can leave and do your own thing?
I don't leave my 15yr old with any of the younger ones as he has no patience for his 10yr old brother, the twins are just a flipping handful & Lilly has medical issues so she isn't left with ANYONE.

My suggestions, go for a massage (cheaper ones at massage/beauty schools)
Go to the gym
Go sit at Panera/bookstore/coffee shop and post/read here

Do whatever you can to NOT be there when your wife comes home. She needs to see you as a strong & mysterious man that has a great social life. New cologne, a new shirt, or shoes...

What's your current style? Casual, sporty?

Ok, gotta take my twins to preschool.... post more later