hurt and angry part trois

[job]

I'm glad you like the counselor and I hope it helps.

[twinmom]

well I survived the first session. I actually like the counselor. Fingers crossed. We have another one tomorrow night

Space out those sessions! You're going to reach 20 WAY too quickly, and you want the info to sink in & allow everyone to reflect a little on what was said.

[tfish08]

The darn computer kept logging me out...everytime i tried to post.
Session 2 was ok we agreed our communication stinks. He seem tp be in alot of pain and very hurt. I have no clue where this will end but something is a bit better than signing. Next session is tuesday. The first two were back to back after that it should be once a week

[tfish08]

I see my husband and i feel anger and disappointment. I am centimeters away from throwing in the towel. He keeps saying that he couldn't take his single friends asking who wore the pants in the family. He is in denial about his anger. He distrusts me///ME?! i did not have an EA.. I did not lie to him...but he can't trust me. He is now staying away from me because he wants me to accept the divorce and not get any hope. I think he needs to be divorced to get a reality check. The therapy was my hail mary ...but i am losing any hope or will to even continue with it. It is hard to realize that a year later I am still at fault for everything...ughhhhhh what a low day

[AJM]

As I read this, I'm reminded of the MLC for Dummies thread. Have you read it?

Don't let a single time get to you, but be careful to have your expectations set appropriately (at zero) even with the counselor. The counselor may not be able to help him/you in this situation. It's anyone's guess at this point.

I found the counselor to be helpful though. If that's any help. She spotted things with my ex right off and I needed somebody to listen at the time. That was immensely helpful to me and may be to you as well.

AJ

[kml]

Tfish:

You posted this on someone else's thread:

They are so ridiculous. It is funny and sad at the same time.Mine swears up and down i am trying to get his parents arrested for something that happened 33years ago..lol

Ummmm....you do realize that he sounds insane and paranoid here, right? Your H is simply not right in the head (beyond the normal craziness that is MLC) and it very well may have to do with concussive brain injury. If you haven't seen the movie Concussion yet with Will Smith, rent it on pay per view NOW.

Now can you help him with that? Not really. It's good that you got him into therapy, but if the counselor is not recognizing his problems, there's not much more that you can do.

It can give you a little more distance and understanding (that he's losing his mind and it's not really about you) but you cannot do much more for him if he won't let you.

My ex had multiple concussions and I suspect a very mild shadow form of bipolar disorder. It wasn't the whole reason for our divorce (he cheated even in his 20's) but it definitely played a factor, and the little contact I have with him now, years after the divorce, he seems just....off. Forgetful. Irrational. I still feel somewhat responsible for him, but he has a new wife and that's her job now. He fired me from that job and there's nothing more I can do for him now.

[tfish08]

I do realize it but he keeps me away from any of his medical issues. He was tested for tbi but was found clear of any injuries. But then again the VA is not very trustworthy. I was looking at that movie in redbox and left it. I will go get it in a bit. The counselor asked him to evaluate why he is so angry. She works with a lot of military vets but is not part of the va Even if it doesn't help my marriage..It will ultimately help him.

[kml]

Yes, unfortunately there is no definitive test for chronic traumatic encephalopathy short of a brain autopsy. And tests for the more obvious defects of tbi may miss the more subtle findings of cte,including depression, paranoia, personality changes, disorganization, forgetfulness.

Plus the VA system is geared towards uncovering the severe cases that qualify for military disability/ service-connected status, and probably biased against diagnosing milder, iffy conditions. Although there's nothing mild about it when you're living with it.

[tfish08]

OK I THINK I MIGHT BE HAVING A MLC!!!!
I might have lost my mind...We have been to 3 therapy appointments and so far ehhhhhh but it is only 3. Anyhoo after our session tuesday i stupidly called him to temp check(yes i know bad idea) after an hour of fighting and him telling me i need to move on.. He comes to take us out to dinner thursday and then picks me up on friday to sign paperwork for S17. Picks up the boys for his weekend on Sat and seems upset I have plans. I NC him and just do my own thing. Sunday he texts me to invite me and the boys to chilis...I don't get it...he hates me and i made his life so miserable and all i touch turns to crud..yet here he is... I know no expectations but it is all so confusing

[tfish08]

Oh and then he tries to play a joke on me ..leaving me with the bill for dinner. He texts me and says thanks for dinner I am on the fwy heading home...ok are we 15? I ignore it and wait for him to come back to the table..laugh with him a bit before we head our separate ways. It was a good interaction but i am still scratching my head