He is so adamant about being divorce and needing it...it is hurtful that it is such a driving force in his heart. Then after all that he stays and eats dinner at my house. It all seems like a bad soap opera. I don't know if I messed up but at this point if he wants it..he can have it. after 20 sessions with a therapist. My heart is broken but I can't force him to love me or to forgive me. Sadly things seemed good not that long ago and now back down the rabbit hole. At this point I validated. I tried walking away from the relationship talk. It is all about me controlling him is what he says. I guess my mil really pushed his buttons when she visited a few weeks ago. I truly feel angry hurt and just done
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
His behavior just goes to show just how messed up he is. He's adamant that wants a divorce and yet eats dinner at your house. MLC is very much like a bad soap opera because the drama keeps building and he's behind it.
No, you didn't mess up. We all slip and fall periodically and that's why we are here to help pick you up and get you back on your feet. No, you can't force him to change the way that he's looking at things right now. Nothing right now can change his mind, so it's best the just listen and validate. If the relationship talk is bothering you, then walk away, change the subject or tell him that you are sorry he feels that way, but right now you aren't up to discussing it any further. You do have control over whether you listen or not.
Something must have set him off again last evening. It may not have been you, the children or the MIL. It could have been someone said something to him...but again, you can decide just how much of the bs that you want to listen to. I think he keeps talking about it to convince himself and you that it's over and he's hoping that if he continues to talk to you about it, you'll say let's do it now. Don't allow him to push you into doing anything you are ready to do w/o speaking to a lawyer.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
He called five minutes ago to spew spew spew again. I let him spew then validated ..then I could tell he felt relieved . He feels that I am manipulating him soooo much blah blah blah. He is just lost and angry. He tried to say do 5 session sign and we will do 15 no way dude. I think it is one of those mlc that will need to go through divorce to shift. He is making me into a huge monster with all who listen. At this point the therapy is so I can get him to hear me on the kids.
Good job listening and validating. That is so hard to do when you hear the real nutty stuff knocking around in their heads.
Stay positive and do not let him rattle you. The calmer you can stay the better, for you and for him.
Me 41, H 47, M 15 yrs, S11, S13 BD 1: 11/4/14 we work on it; really I pretzel myself BD 2: 3/31/15 H goes down to "dorm room" 8/15: H back to MBR 10/15: H back in dorm room 1/18: H files, now divorced
HaWho has given you some very wise advice. Your h has a lot of anger and he's projecting it on to you. I think you did a good job of listening and validating. Try not to allow him to rattle you. The calmer you are, the better for the both of you.
Hang in there!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Sadly he did rattle me. I am sitting here in tears feeling alone. I have no friends near me and I feel like the week after bomb. Chest pain and fits of crying
I'm so sorry. Find a pillow and beat the stuffings out of it. That will help w/some of that hurt and anger. Feels those emotions and then release them. You are not alone. Pick up the phone and call a friend or text a friend. They will be glad to hear from you.
Please pamper yourself this evening and take a nice, long, hot bubble bath. Trust me, it will help you.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
I think it is all hitting me..it has been a year since the BD and ahhh how he still hates me. I need to release this hurt and move on I have 4 S that need a stable momma. I tried the bath no luck my S took a shower and used all the hot water..no good lol I just love that he keeps saying I have let blah and blah go but every spew is...you guessed it blah and blah...well I bit my tongue drank that stfu smoothie as best I could. It is just hard to vent to friends they are done after a year..they think I should have D 'd a year ago
Thank you for replying.. Job you might not like me saying this but you have been a light in all this:)I don't think I would be anywhere near as above water without you HaWho I was as calm as could be to his face lol. A bit rattle over here but he doesn't know ciluzen not sure if the therapy is a good thing since he is just going to go but it might help the boys and I
