Sparkling none the wiser

[J5K]

Sparkls,

When you get to Detroit we should meet up if you like.

[Sparkls]

Hey all,
life is going okay. I'm having a down day unfortunately. Still don't know how my life ended up like this, but I'm trying ot make the best of it.
Being back in PA [censored]. I got a subpoena to go testify at H's prelim (likely won't actually have to). A mutual friend has been begging me to call the DA and beg to have charges dropped (as if that was even something I could do).
I don't want him back, but there's still a part of me that wants him to beg to come back, ya know? To realize what a gigantic mistake he made. Guess part of me hoped all the time he'd have to think in jail would make him come to his senses some.
But most of that is just my bad day talking. Had a dream about him last night that he came crawling back and I decided to give him a second chance and we were happy again. I know that's not reality, but it was still a nice dream.

I can't wait to be out of here. I close on my house at the beginning of June. Can I just fastforward a month please? I felt so much better when I wasn't stuck living in "our" place.

A friend of mine had a quote posted on her facebook that's my new guide
"If a person doesn't want to take responsibility for the consequences of their actions, they may try to blame others. DOn't accept blame or try to fix things for them when you've done nothing wrong. They need to learn that if they want different outcomes, they will have to make different choices."

H has constantly made the decision to not respect authority or boundaries and time and again it's gotten him in trouble. He doesn't understand that if he doesn't get the answer he wants, he cant just find a way to circumvent the system. like in this case, he didn't want to wait, so he decided to break in. That's not a normal response to being told to wait. And his consequence is jail time because you don't get to just break into people's houses. And I'm over it. I want to just walk away from all his bullsH*t and start my new life.

30 days.

[CWOL]

Good job Sparkls, you are making the right call on him.
If you can get out of testifying, do. You want a clean break and not to add any baggage.
I'm envious of your situation and ability to restart your life in a new city. Good luck!

[Phoebe]

A man like that is a liability, both to himself and those that try to care for him. You are right not to drop the charges against him.

I can totally empathize about being stuck in a house full of memories. I'm stuck in one for just tonight, and it's no fun at all. I'm sitting in a McDonalds parking lot having some food, rather than sitting in that shell of a house all by myself.

[GWH]

Sparkls,

Good luck in the new city. You have become very strong, and your doing the right things. Please keep us updated.

[J5K]

Sparkls,

Just checking in to see how you are doing?

[Sparkls]

Hey y'all, been forever! Man does time fly when you work 70 hours a week :-p

Things have been good. All settled into my new house and new job.
Haven't heard from H, and there are mixed feelings there. Still have days where I miss the old us, when I see something and think man he'd love that etc. but moving on one day at a time. Only real update is that he'll have his court date to plead out tomorrow I think ( pled to trespassing, will likely get probation). He legally can't contact me until after that so who knows if I'll magically get something. I can say I have mixed emotions about it all, but it does feel all like a chapter I've closed and I'm just tieding up the loose ends of a story that ended abruptly.

Puppies are doing well. Been an adjustment but I've got a good dog walker and life is chugging along. Hope y'all are doing well. I'll ty and pop in periodically but y know, life happens.

[Sparkls]

I was sitting here reading through some threads to try and see if I have any advise or insight to offer and I realized how easy it is for something to trigger me.
The idea that the guy I loved for so long was telling someone else he loved her etc still makes my stomach drop. Feels almost like PTSD.
I'm moving on, the metaphorical rope has long since been dropped but man it's hard to rewire the brain after spending 8 years thinking about someone else, only to find I wasn't as important to him as he was to me. And that really [censored].

For those who are new who may be reading this: keep up hope: it's easy to lose it and very hard to get it back. I'm sorry I haven't been around to be able to give y'all more advice, i will one day.

[TimR]

Hey sparkls Good to see you are doing well. I think most of our group has long moved on away from the thread. I do not get on too much anymore because like you said reading through other peoples posts can trigger feelings that I am glad to do without. As far as how long those triggers will last I am guessing after going through something like this they will always be there but will not be that frequent. Just think of the messes we were just months back and we made it through the worst of it. In fact if you are anything like me everyday gets a little easier. I still have down days here and there but not much and not as severe. I hope you are like me in that I am learning to trust again and my significant other has definitely helped with my trust issues.

Best of luck to you and I hope your rotations are going great!!

[Tyler12]

There's some familiar names. I look forward to reading up on you sparkles and Timr