Sparkling none the wiser

[Sparkls]

I'm the only one who comments on my own thread anymore but oh well.

I think its over. Mutual friend talked to him more and he laid on the blame on me, saying he was only with me because he felt indebted to me. That he was thinking of leaving long before OW, that I've treated him *so* atrociously that he'll never come back, that he is moving to CO with the other woman. More bullshit after more bullshit but he firmly believes that.

I don't know how to combat that . I don't think I can. I'm this horrible person and the only reason he was with me was cause I stuck by him when he went through some bullshit.

It doesn't change what I'm doing really. NC, moving on with my life but that little bit of hope that I had hidden somewhere inside me has just been crush. again.

[iwad]

Hey Sparkls

Sounds like a rough day. I don't think you can "combat" anything. But remember people say a lot of things that they don't necessarily mean - especially when putting it out to other people. It is easier to boast, "talk a big game" to a third party.

If he thinks you treated him atrociously, then that is his perspective, right now, and people's perspectives change. If you are working on you and you detach and treat him well (when possible, I know you don't interact much) then this statement on your behavior does not hold much water.

Keep your head up, he is spewing, if he didn't care then he would be indifferent to you not still spewing.

[Sparkls]

Thanks. I needed someone to tell me it's not over yet.
Just can't seem to keep the hope up when every day it's something else to keep me down. I just can't seem to win. It all feels very hopeless. I've actually been really solid on my DBing and just have seen no progress. I thought 2 months later, he'd at least have softened a little towards me. But nope. He's running back to Colorado and bring his OW with him.

[albac]

sparkls I'm sorry for your terrible day,

I am in a similar sitch to you. W left around 2 months ago so I am no expert.

I am finding day by day my hope of her coming back is fading so I know what you are feeling.

On the other hand there is every chance him telling the mutual friend that he left because you treated him badly is just an attempt to make the friend feel sorry for him.
The friend is hardly going to look at him as being a good guy if he said he left you for another women, so he will just be trying to make himself feel better would be my guess.

I know what I've said won't make you feel better but all we can do is keep moving forward looking after ourselves.

Hope your week gets better. Stay strong

[Sparkls]

Updating: haven't had any contact with H. But the sh*tty mood as continued. Im back home in CO and it's hard. Lots of memories of very good times. I don't know how he's vilified me so much. On d-day, he was talking about how much he wanted "our" daughter to grow up a certain way and yadda. I think for a minute the fog had cleared and I got glimpses of my real H back. But then the fog came back so think I can't see through it.
He's moving 2000 miles away with a mentally unstable woman. And he's made me into this person I'm not.
Today has been really tough. I can't see any hope. And having the long travel to just think didn't help. Just feels like there's no hope left. Once that curtain of fog came down on d-day my H was lost. And I don't see him coming back.
I had hoped that 2 months of basically no interaction with me would've softened him some, but he's harder now than he was when he left. On d-day he was still telling me he loved me. Now, he could not care less.

I thought this trip home was a good idea, get out of town, visit people who love me unconditionally , but there are ghosts everywhere here. Memories of the best times of our lives. And he isn't here, and doesn't want me anymore.

[Rouky]

I'm not a vet but I can only offer you big hugs. The situation we are in isn't easy and I remember when people were telling me it will get better I was angry as I wanted the pain to go away straight away. Tust me the pain will gradually fade away and as it has been mentioned here a lot, it's not a race but a marathon. You need to shift back your focus on you. What have you got plan for today? Set yourself some small goals then when you achieve them you will feel happy. This process is one day at a time.
What I have learnt is that I didn't like the person I had became with H and now I'm working hard to improve that person. It's hard because I was used to be in a routine in how I was like. The hard part is breaking free from this and rediscover who I was. If I can do it, so can you.

Have faith in you :-)

[daybyday]

Sorry Sparkls. You are the villain so he can justify and ease his own guilt for doing you dirty. Re-writing history remember? No one knows the future. But for right now just let it go and try to move on. Think of your mental health and physical health. This stress is killing us all. Hugs to you.

[iwad]

My DB coach made an interesting point the last time we talked. If your H is still upset, then he is still emotionally connected. Anyone who is truly "done" would be indifferent.

I know we are all cheerleaders here, but patience is really important. It may take him leaving, moving, and falling on his face to realize what he has lost, and that has not happened yet.

[Sparkls]

Thanks guys.
There's just a lot going on for me right now.
I spent the morning at the cemetery arranging my moms funeral (6 months over due). Having lunch with my dad at our favorite Indian place which will be nice.

I struggle with saying anything to H's family while I"m in town. I'd like to take his mom out for dinner to thank her for all she's done for me, since this is likely to be the last time I ever see her. But that goes against everything DB and if it gets back to him that we did, it'll be seen as me still trying to control him (despite that not being why I'm doing it). It's the little things, like his sister LOVES our dogs. I have them here with me, I know she'd love to see them. But they aren't apart of his life anymore, he walked away from all that and hasn't even asked how they are. I know it's just dogs but he's raised them since pups.
I just didn't anticipate how hard the memories here were going to be. And since everyone here is, you know, an adult, they work during the day so I have more down time than I'd like.

You guys all see me at my worst. I do function fairly well. Go about my day, do adult things, get things done. But it all just feels hollow and hopeless and wrong.

[Sparkls]

Well, got the text this morning that I've been dreading "when are you available this week so I can get the rest of my things"

Haven't responded as I'm out of town for at least the next 2 weeks. His fault for not getting his things sooner.
But damnit, every day it's something else to strip me of the little hope I had...FML