Bumping Elbows with MLC

[HaWho]

Hi everyone - MLC fashion serves up a funny conversation.

Mleigh - yeah, he is terrified of aging and it must be an exhausting way to live. It's exhausting to watch, kind of like getting angry that the sun sets each day.

Well, saw my childhood friend yesterday. We had a great time and lots of laughs. It was like no time had passed at all. We know each other so well having been friends as little girls. I did not however, tell her anything about my sitch. She is getting married for the first time and I just couldn't color her perception with crazy MLC paint.

Came home and S12 was still out with friends. H was supposed to pick him up and I asked when as s was hanging out at a place that was closing soon. H said S was not answering his texts. I don't have this problem with s. In fact, he sometimes calls me to check in on me! H was MIA for so long that it does not occur to S12 to check in with him. Sad, but true.

Well, h was quite upset and I see why. I think he's woken up a bit and is figuring out that the earth did not stop on its access for him. He was very mad and took S12's phone away. (Of course h didn't answer his texts while in hardcore replay and we all witnessed that. There's a bit of the pot calling the kettle black.) I stayed out of it as it is their issue.

But this morning, very early, I heard h come upstairs, which he never does. I assumed he was going to talk to s about his lack of texting. But he came to my room! Job - if you are reading, he braved the elements and came up again!! I was not yet dressed and told him so. It was awkward for me. He slipped a sheet of rules to me through a crack. They detailed his expectations for S communicating while he's out. Looks like he's figured out he has no reins on the horse that has left the stable.

I dressed and came down and said I agree to the rules. Honestly, S has been adhering to these with me for quite some time. But I zipped it and listened. H told me that we are the adults here and S has to follow these rules. That's a first, too: him asserting his adulthood.

I wonder if it is possible that he has had his first awekening? Hmm.

Today when I came home from running errands h called my name out and greeted me just like he used to do. Same cadence and excitement to his voice. He made something for lunch and wanted me to try it. I did and it was good. I complimented.

Later we came home and the house smelled funny as the garbage hadn't been emptied. I joked that it was his room that funkified the house. He smiled and seemed to take the barbing in stride. I said I was sure there were frat houses cleaner than his bathroom.

I know you are not supposed to judge in MLC. And I have seen crazy different ages and let it all go, but that bathroom has not been cleaned since Christmas. It's really gross. He kidded and said it was time to bring in the cleaner just for his section of the house. Poor cleaner. This time I was ready and asked him to let me know when she is coming so I can be out of the house. I don't want to be here when someone has to clean a bathroom that hasn't been cleaned in 1/2 a year.

[Sotto]

Hi HaWho, that's an interesting interaction between your H and S. It reads a bit like someone demanding a courtesy when they haven't really done anything to earn it. And your S has clearly become used to his dad not being 'there' at points - which is a shame.

It's good that your H was interacting with you in a more positive way. Hearing that warmth in someone's tone must be nice - given all the other 'stuff' that happens. I guess like anything, we take what we get when it is given and enjoy the moment - then move forward with no expectations.

But I don't need to tell you that! Truly, I admire your handling of your situation and I enjoy your humour on the forum too.

Hope you have a good week xx

[HaWho]

Hi Sotto - Thanks for the reminders and feedback. The compliment means a lot coming from you. I hope I am fortunate enough to come out this as well as you are. You are admirable.

Now, a few updates. H seems to be ignoring me at times and then cheerfully greeting me at others. I see lots of hot and cold behavior. It not longer phases me. Either way I go about my day.

I think maybe he was spinning a bit, too? He came into the kitchen, was visibly fidgety, did nothing in the room and then walked back to his room. Very weird. Then he went to the dorm room, closed the door and blared music. One of the songs he played was, again, our wedding song. Obviously he knows I can hear it. I went upstairs and tuned it all out. Just odd. He has headphones and it seems to me he could use them on that song? I know he is playing the wedding song in his car too as S10 came home singing it today (after riding with h); s is one of those who sings the last song he heard. H was in the room with me when s sang it. I didn't even feel awkward. I have so shut down my emotions about that song.

Today h was supposed to pick up s10. I had s remind him this morning. 10 minutes to pickup time I had a funny feeling. I texted h and thanked him for picking up s today. He sent back a question mark. I reminded him he was picking s up. 20 minutes after scheduled pickup time, he texts me that he forgot and is on his way. He types a smiley face. I don't say anything. S always stays and hangs out playing with other kids at least a 1/2 hour. But still, there's that MLC memory at work.

Tonight h is an hour late for dinner, no text. We eat at the scheduled time and then when h comes home I am re-organizing kitchen cabinets. He says (slightly annoyed): "no dinner?" Very calmly I say: "no, I made dinner but packed up the leftovers after we ate. As I did not hear from you, I assumed you went out for the night." He says nothing. I am not hostile and I don't feel any anger. Really, it's just matter-of-fact and I know he reads that this is the sort of thing I expect of him now.

He helps the kids with schoolwork without being asked. Hmm. I ask him to help me with something that is broken. He does and I thank him.

Later I am sweeping the floor and the dorm room door is open. I see a 3 foot artificial Christmas tree all lit up. Job - are you there? Haven't heard from you in a while, but this ought to give you a kick. (And I hope things are okay with you.)

We had the tree stored in the rental property and now, apparently, it resides in his room. Clearly, there is some connection to Christmas. I am tempted to hang stockings and sprinkle tinsel around to add to the ambiance.

As for me, I have been busy with work. I continue to relax through lots of tennis and hiking. I met a new group of women and played mahjong. It's a really complicated game. I think once I get the hang of it I will like it.

[kml]

Lol the Xmas tree will go down in MLC history!

[HaWho]

Oh gosh. This one is a really ridiculous situation.

H has left 2 pots in the sink. One has been there for over a week. The other only 4 days, but it is really stinky as he made fish in it. The whole house is starting to smell.

Today I take a chance and jokingly ask him when the expected date of cleaning is for these two items. His response (and he is serious): "considering all I do around here, I was thinking you should do that." I say: "well, I didn't use those." Calmly, I walk away.

Later I say bye and he ignores me completely.

When I return home the pots are not in the sink and I am getting ready to thank him. Until I see the garbage can outside the kitchen door. And of course the two pots are in there. One is old and one is not old and very expensive. Can't believe he threw them away.

He has cooked something else and left that pot in the sink. I suppose by not cleaning that one he is saying he will throw that away, too if I don't clean it?

The immaturity is astounding. The whole thing is just bizarre. How desperate can you be to try and pick a fight?

But what was my alternative? To clean up after him? To never say anything?

[mleigh4]

Oh that would chap my hide. I think I would point out the thrown away pots and say, don't you think you are overreacting a bit? And Why did you do that? IDK, my new answer to meanness from H is questions instead of fighting.

I don't know what to think about the Christmas Tree. I have never heard of that before. Again, did you ask him anything about it? I am so curious to know what his Christmas quirk is about. KML is right, that will definitely go down in MLC history.

[HaWho]

Mleigh - I didn't ask about the Christmas tree. I am 99% sure he would tell me it's up because it's cheerful. He is completely ignoring me.

He is back to saying bye to the kids and nothing to me! So PA. Maybe when he starts speaking to me I will ask about the Christmas tree and see if my guess is right. I suppose I am not "allowed" to ask him to clean up after himself.

I just feel like I have outgrown all this. To spend one nano second thinking about it is such a colossal waste of time. But I have read it is good for that anger to come forth in the MLCer as anger brings clarity. We shall see.

I had a great day and this weirdness is just something I observe from a distance. It doesn't really touch me. How can I let it? What sane person gets this mad over such a small thing? What's next? He'll move out over it? Divorce me? Where does it stop? Maybe he'll change the locks on me. It is so ludicrous. Clearly no rational person behaves this way.

I had a nice afternoon with one S (other s went to a friend's). Tonight I went for a beautiful hike. I had a great day. I stepped on the gas and sped away from this one.

[mleigh4]

I hear you my friend. All of this that we put up with is ludicrous. I suppose some day we will know why we did it

Maybe it's best to not say anything if that works best for you. Watching from a distance is detachment and that is good and you are great at it! I'm sorry, I wish I could shake your H and wake him up. Keep doing your thing and leave him to ignore all he wants.

[Kyh]

Wow, these mlc traits are so uncanny. Idk how many gross dishes I cleaned when w was here, just piled up I rinsed with an empty dishwasher not a step away. I would sometimes see how long it would take but usually broke down and cleaned them so I could cook or so we could eat.

W has issues with Halloween and Christmas because of her parents religious beliefs, they pretty much took them away from her as a child, so sad.

ML, I like your comment about asking questions instead of fighting. I'm going to keep that in the back of my mind.

[2Times2Many]

HW, I don't know how you do it you but the patience you exhibit is astonishing. I suppose you have to look at it as an "observer." I recall a joke George Carlin did years ago. He was referring to political issues, but he said something along the lines of wanting to find himself on some planet and just sit back and watch the show down here. Sometimes I feel like that is all we can do ... just sit back and watch.

The Christmas tree thing is fascinating. But I wouldn't mention it now. I think I'd wait until he was done, or about done, baking to ask about that.

Kyh ... the dishes in the dishwasher thing. I used to get so frustrated with my kids when they would rinse a glass and then set it next to the sink instead of putting it in the dishwasher. Although he never did that before, H now does the same thing!