Toast - burnt or just right

[rich4j]

I just read some articles on telling a young one about D.

My STBX is such a bully sometimes I can't let her own the conversation so I am going to write this out and we are going to own parts of it. I get sick to my stomach even thinking about having this talk which is going to be soon. We have a Lawyer meeting shortly and may have part 1 of this mess wrapped up and hopefully i can find a place and get out

I read some of the posts and really hope for a better outcome than where I am at and wish the best to some who hopefully found this board and help sooner than I did. We are at the point of really disliking each other which [censored]. I still think she is having an EA but doesnt matter at this point

In the same house is bad but it is what it is. Its hard to stay positive as I go from sad to glad from being content when I see my freinds to gloomy thinking about being alone on days I won't have my daughter and will be in a new place by myself. I hope i can find a place hwere i can have the dog for a bit.

Cheers....

[Rick1963]

I haven't seen my doggies in 4 years. We put our 12 year pug to sleep in the middle of our divorce. She took our jack Russell (my love) and our lab with her. I ask my d how they are when I pick her up.

It is a big loss. You will find peace soon. Be good to you ok

[rich4j]

thx Rick

Putting your dog down during the D...ugh...double pain

Do you get to see your dogs at all?

The entire Divorce is hitting home on all fronts now. We spend weekends apart and my poor daughter of course has picked up on this.

The STBX is just starting to realize the rreality too of the financial aspects of this now and how scary it is for her. While she will be fine for a few years based on probably outcome of the settlement/alimony, and of course I want to ensure my Daughter is taken care of, she is now realizing all the stuff I took care of that she ignored and didn't care about.

it was one of the reasons that I checked out from her as she didn't care about how i was making it all work which was hurtful.

I will soon be out of there as living together in this sitch is too hard. We will have the dreaded D talk with our daughter probably in the next 2-3 weeks and I will be out maybe in april /may.

It will be lonely. I will need to pick up the dogs now and then to keep me company when my daughter isn't with me. Life is changing....and getting real

[1gr8dad]

Hang in their rich4j.

I just moved out over a month ago and boy was it tough at first.
I think tell our D (who is almost 3 years) was tougher on us than it was on her probably because of her age. The key is telling her you both will always love her no matter what and that you are still a family but except she will have two homes.

I promise you your pain will ease a bit as time goes by if you do your homework. I'm no expert but I will share what I've done in the last month:

I'm starting to spend a lot more time on this board and it's given me a sense of community even though it's online. This board has helped me the most so far. Keep reading and posting!

Also, I'm trying to journal each day.
I have 3 journals, Regular, Angry, Grateful.

Finally, I used a guided meditation to fight anxiety before and after I see my WW/STBXW. (you can download scribd on your smartphone and get the healing guided meditation audio book. It's about 15mins and it does wonders)

I initially thought that meditation and journalling was a bunch of hokey poky until I tried it and saw instant results.

Hope that maybe it will help you.

[rich4j]

thx 1grD!

I go thru periods of ups and downs. Big down week/day.....its about the daughter more than anything as I melt when I see her. And can't get around the hurt we are going to cause her. It [censored]...(she is 6 and loves FAMILY) I find myself tearing up always thinking about her and the pain.

Boy are we going to ruin her sense and love of Family. It is the part of this that makes me so angry against my STBX. She is so selfish not only in her words but actions now. To the point that I have gone from I would do anything to save this marriage to "really"? Even if she said lets work this out I don't know if I could at this point which kills me.

It is lonely wihtout my family. I can only hope that the part time I get to see her and spend time with her/dogs is quality and can be something I can build upon besides my other activities/friends.

[1gr8dad]

Rich4j, your daughter is going to be fine, it's you I'm more worried about. It's key for your to keep your composure when D is around you. Little eyes are watching. Do whatever it takes to get yourself to a better place so you can be the guiding light to your D. The best thing that happened from my separation is the alone time I get with my daughter, I didn't have as much of that when we were living all together. This time spent alone with my D is priceless and one of the gifts of my separation.

I've made friends with other single parents with kids or my friends who have kids and we go for play dates on the weekends. This has helped with the loneliness.

You can meet people online. I went to a single parent meet site, though it was a dating site I mentioned in my profile that I was just looking for friendship at this point and kids playdates. (It's important to heal before dating so careful not to get drawn into dating until you ready)

[rich4j]

1Gr...agree.

I love the alone time with my D. We have the best time and whats really strange is my STBX has not spent the time with her and now is starting to do what she needs to thank goodness. She almost takes it like a competition against me which is not healthy. She is living a fbook life and posts anytime she does fun stuff with the daughter...whatever

I do take her on playdates but she has a bunch of friends on the street we live where i no longer will be. Hoping i can find a place that has some young kids in the hood

I have ups /downs but I know it will get better. I just honestly miss my STBX as I have days I can't believe who she is and don't want anything to do with her and days where I miss her so much like the last few.

I am lookign forward to "time" healing the wounds

[rich4j]

I don't know how many of "us" poor folks have had to have the "we are getting" divorced conversation with their kids but from the months on this board it seems many have...

Unfortunately my D is young and am concerned she will be crushed. I started to write out our "script" as I dont trust my STBX to wing this as she is off the rails. I started to write down what we would say and lost it. I have to be strong when we tell her and can't cry and break down as we talked to a co parenting counselor but I really don't know how I will do this.

I have still not found a new place to live as its been tough. While my Lawyer iniitially said don't move out she now says I should since we are going to have a custody arrangement in place and interim financial arrangement.

Its real and raw right now. any that have gone thru this with young ones (6 yr old) and have questions they have asked please let me know so I can be prepared ....thanks and god bless

[J5K]

rich4j,

You just have to keep it simple with D. Mommy and Daddy love you and you will have two homes is what I have been telling my S's.

[rich4j]

Holy cow JimKao...you have an army of kids! That is awesome and hope you are well as I read thru your sitch a bit.

How did they react? My daughter is an only child and tied pretty close to a bunch of friends in the neighborhood and us of course.

Mom is more the disciplinarian so she seeks her approval alot more than more but I have gotten a bit tougher on her in terms of just kid stuff

I know i am over thinking this but i know this impacts kids no matter what us adults think about being resilient blah blah blah