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rich4j Offline OP
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Originally Posted By: Thornton


Believe nothing they say.



Yes...it is unreal at this point

While many here are working on trying to get back to that "place", I only can feel resentment at this point and disgust. She has gone to a place that I see no return and I can only hope we can co-parent together for the sake of D6.


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Me-48
Spouse-WAW 52
Married for 10 years
D7
ILYBNILWY 7/15
Suspect EA/PA 12/15 No confirmation/denial
She files 1/2016
Working towards the Big D ...still in progress....
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Posts: 253
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Sorry to hear things continue to deteriorate for you. I'm not too far behind you and I'm very worried that the D Process will become very adverserial between my WW and I. Hope hasn't done any good for me either but prayer has helped my sanity and is about my only hope for a miracle.

I hear you about your W hurting. It's hard. I don't want her too hurt but I do at the same time. Wish we weren't in our respective situations but we are. I continue to hope things work for you even though it hasn't helped yet. Be well. Vaya con dios.


Me:44 W:38
T:10.5 M:7.5
D:3
BD: 7/2015
W moves out of MBR: 9/2015
WW files for D: 2/8/2016
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rich4j Offline OP
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Originally Posted By: G8r
I'm very worried that the D Process will become very adverserial between my WW and I.


I hope the D process is not painful for you....or maybe doesnt happen at all

I find it hard to believe this was the person i married. She said the same about me today that she doesnt know who i am and has played victim all day

Its crazy to see this in motion. I can't even write some of the things she blamed me for today as its hard to even believe she said these things. Next I think she will blame me for Trump running for president ! (no offense to Trump fans)


_________________________
Me-48
Spouse-WAW 52
Married for 10 years
D7
ILYBNILWY 7/15
Suspect EA/PA 12/15 No confirmation/denial
She files 1/2016
Working towards the Big D ...still in progress....
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Seems like the standard script. The walk away demonizes us to justify their actions.

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The spewing is all WAS script. It helps them justify their choices. When YOU choose to accept it for what it is and not take it personal, you will be in a healthier place. Continue to work on being detached.

You mentioned that you feel a lot of resentment towards your W. That is part of the journey. It is good to process those feelings. Just don't live there. You are essentially giving her control over your emotions when you allow yourself to remained filled with negative feelings. Choices my friend. You choose to be better or you choose to be bitter.

How is you GAL going? What are you plans going forward?


Me:45 ExW:48
M:04/97
3 Bombs & 2 ReCons
1st BD 11/10
D Finalized 4/20
D-16 S-14
Going in one more round when you don't think you can. That's what makes all the difference in life.~Rocky Balboa
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rich4j Offline OP
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Originally Posted By: LITB


You mentioned that you feel a lot of resentment towards your W. That is part of the journey. It is good to process those feelings. Just don't live there. You are essentially giving her control over your emotions when you allow yourself to remained filled with negative feelings. Choices my friend. You choose to be better or you choose to be bitter.

How is you GAL going? What are you plans going forward?



LITB/Thorton----thanks.....appreciate the feedback

Gal is going well. Just need to be more engaged when GAL'ing and not thinking and talking about my sitch...its detracts from the fun.

I really have lost a ton of respect in the last month for her that I will never get back. I always try to look forward but she has said some real hurtful stuff.

Can't believe your sitch LITB looking thru your stuff again. You are a strong person to be able go thru what you have. I just can't fathom my sitch ever turning around as we head to D and she has gotten nasty.

Just trying to move on but as you all know its hard. Days I just scratch my head and cry....days I can't wait to be out of the bees nest


_________________________
Me-48
Spouse-WAW 52
Married for 10 years
D7
ILYBNILWY 7/15
Suspect EA/PA 12/15 No confirmation/denial
She files 1/2016
Working towards the Big D ...still in progress....
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rich4j Offline OP
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Hey Folks

Took some much needed time off from the board...did post a few comments but nothing on my sitch as I have been too slammed with trying to find a place to live and just everything that is swirling in my world

Some who are in the same sitch of having to move on with the D looming or being negotitated know what i mean when your world has been already turned upside down with the STWX and then having to REALLY figure out life afterwards

Had some great time with my D but still manage to cry in certain situations as I love her dearly and cringe at the day we are going to tell her which hasn't happneded yet. I worry constantly she wont want to be around me as much as her due to the custody we are working on and the neighborhood I "wont have" which is really unfair

We have started to tell more people and I have gotten weird reactions from some of my friends like they know how hard she is to deal with etc....

Hard to find a place to live as I have pets and still struggle with "why am I moving?" It really is such a huge life changing event and she really has had to do nothing but tell me she doesn't love me anymore, etc...

Who said the world is a fair place


_________________________
Me-48
Spouse-WAW 52
Married for 10 years
D7
ILYBNILWY 7/15
Suspect EA/PA 12/15 No confirmation/denial
She files 1/2016
Working towards the Big D ...still in progress....
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rich4j Offline OP
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Hi Folks...

Been gone for a few weeks as I needed a break to focus on me and my daughter and my sitch.

Things have only gotten worse with the pending D and we now have a date set for an arm wrestling match. My STBX is super unreasonable as even her lawyer is a bit frustrated from what my L said with her and being irrational.

I took my D on a mini vaca and we had the time of our lives togther. Bonded so well that I have super emotional unforutnatley in front of her a few times thinking about her poor face and reaction when we tell her about us splitting up.

It is killing me inside. I actually had to go into the bathroom after talking with her today on our way home from vac as I lost it.

Have any others had the kids not react poorly when they are this young (6) and they tell their loved young ones about the divorce? Ugh. Killing me inside and now can't keep my act together


_________________________
Me-48
Spouse-WAW 52
Married for 10 years
D7
ILYBNILWY 7/15
Suspect EA/PA 12/15 No confirmation/denial
She files 1/2016
Working towards the Big D ...still in progress....
Joined: Nov 2015
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Rich,

I'm still headed for D.

Told the kids D14 and S12 when I found out about the affair.
Told both of them and D7 when the D started.

D7 cried, and was very sad. Has had some issues at school, but counselor is talking with her every week. W and I don't fight, hardly talk anymore, I moved all my stuff to the basement, looking for a condo right now.

If wife is unreasonable to you and even her lawyer, you might want to tell daughter on her own - in case you wife spins the narrative that you're the sole cause for the D. I'm not a socialworker though, so I'd ask the vets on this board.

Once D7 found out, she has been ok with things - even went with me to see the condo I'm looking at. As long as she gets equal mom/dad time, and I'm trying to live as close as possible, it should make the transition as easy as possible. Not that the D won't put huge hurdles for my kids in the future - some are for me to tackle, some are for God. Just trying to make it day to day.


M46, EXWW46
M15 T17
D20, S19, D13
M - Addiction since 1998
W EA/PA #1 2013/2014
W EA #2 June 2015...
BD 1 Big D talk 9/15
BD 2 - EA/PA disc 10/30/15
Served D 1/22/16
Divorced 5/25/16 (yes, that fast!)
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rich4j Offline OP
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thanks Trumpet and appreciate the feedback Best with your sitch and glad your kids are doing ok with it

Its so hard. She is so special to me as an only child and thrive"d" around Family concept

We have done a bit of co parenting counseling but it ended up in her using it as a blame sessions so I stopped for a while but I know my daughter knows somehting is up

In our custody stuff we are wokring thru I won't have her 50/50 as my job takes me away sometimes during the week but it is close to more like 40-45%. I didn't sign up for this when having my daughter and it breaks my heart.
I would change my entire job/life if I could have her 100% of the time.... I sometimes wish my STBX would just move away by herself and not turn back :-)


_________________________
Me-48
Spouse-WAW 52
Married for 10 years
D7
ILYBNILWY 7/15
Suspect EA/PA 12/15 No confirmation/denial
She files 1/2016
Working towards the Big D ...still in progress....
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