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rich4j Offline OP
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Old POST1;
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2641367#Post2641367

Old Post2:
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2645974#Post2645974
Old Post 3:
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2649539&page=1

How do you like your Toast? At this stage in my relationship dance, my toast is burnt.....as in....this train continues to head to the big D. I have to make light of it as its the only thing I can do at this point besides all the stuff I have read.

Recap sitch is below as I needed to start a new thread

L's meet shortly to start at least how the rest of our lives will look as we decided we could not discuss initially together while being in the same house.

I have read many stories and have thought about "what if in a few months, and one of us is not here and living separately, most likely me.....she misses me and wants to discuss our R". I guess this is the fantasy or hope of some us that is crazy and many times unrealistic.

This week was the first week i could say I would have the hardest time even considering any type of R if that happened.

Its not healthy anymore to deal in fantasy so I have stopped thinking about this except for a close friend who asked me tonight about it and posed that question.

In the past I would have jumped at it. I hesitated, felt my anger and resentment boil up, and said not sure I could even think about it at this point. Reality strikes....









________________________
Me: 49
Her: 53
D:6

M: 10+ years

8/2015: Not quite ILYBNILWY but hinting at it; separate bedrooms
9/2015: Few counseling sessions; thinks I should move out, needs space; i don't
11/2015: decide to try some more counseling but while not saying it, can tell she is not here anymore. Refutes any EA or PA
1/2016: Wants a D
1/25/2016: Got the papers about this day...its all fuzzy now. L's involved
Still in same house...ugh


_________________________
Me-48
Spouse-WAW 52
Married for 10 years
D7
ILYBNILWY 7/15
Suspect EA/PA 12/15 No confirmation/denial
She files 1/2016
Working towards the Big D ...still in progress....
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I'm sorry for you, Rich4j. I feel exactly the same about being on the D train. And I'm convinced my H is back with his OW as of this weekend. However, I only wish I could consider rejecting the idea of reconciling. Even after 7 months, I would still welcome the chance to at least try. But he filed, bought a house and told our sons the D is proceeding. So, I think it's time for me to start rejecting the idea too. Sorry you are feeling discouraged. I completely understand. And we have very similar timelines.


M 44 H 46
M 20yrs T 25 yrs
S15 S12

ILYBINILWY 7/18/15
Move to MBR 9/8/15
Physical Separation 10/10/15
Suspect A 8/2015
Confirm A 12/27/15
D filed by H 2/2/16
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rich4j Offline OP
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Originally Posted By: broke
Even after 7 months, I would still welcome the chance to at least try. But he filed, bought a house and told our sons the D is proceeding. So, I think it's time for me to start rejecting the idea too. Sorry you are feeling discouraged. I completely understand. And we have very similar timelines.


I think its hard "Broke" to pack away the idea of R. But I have had too and while i say its done, i actually only in the last month or so have really FELT it.

My prior thread, Hope is not a Strategy, is how i felt. Hoping things would change but it just hurt too much.

She has turned colder, selfish, and acting as if she is already divorced. Its a bad environment for me to be in the same house and for those of us that have to endure this it is painful.

Just not really fair that I am the one who probably has to physically leave the house when she is the one who wants out. As she would say "you are the one who left me a few years ago "...... Justify Justify Justify

Starting to figure out the financials and I have no idea how I will manage. Things feel bleak in that department.


_________________________
Me-48
Spouse-WAW 52
Married for 10 years
D7
ILYBNILWY 7/15
Suspect EA/PA 12/15 No confirmation/denial
She files 1/2016
Working towards the Big D ...still in progress....
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Posts: 410
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rich4j Offline OP
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It got worse tonight. Damn Lawyers....my L seemed to think she should throw some character darts at my STBX which her lawyer "bent" out of shape and now has turned the hostile environment into a war zone. No talking...just glares and probably no niceties the rest of this adventure.

She is now playing the victim and that she is hurt ...even said the word she "hates" me now based on what the lawyers said and her L told her.

How does that happen? I am the one being divorced, having to leave and she is the victim and hates me? I did stand up to that rant and I think keeping my cool is driving her a bit batty....

Ugh..where did my great former W go? Time to carry on.


_________________________
Me-48
Spouse-WAW 52
Married for 10 years
D7
ILYBNILWY 7/15
Suspect EA/PA 12/15 No confirmation/denial
She files 1/2016
Working towards the Big D ...still in progress....
Joined: Sep 2015
Posts: 956
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Aaaand this is why I don't like dealing with L. They make their money off of turning a bad situation worse. Sorry if I have offended anyone, but there are actually quite a few in my family (and a federal judge). As far as Ls go, manipulation creates opportunity and troubled marriages breed both.

My journey into D land has just begun. I'm already getting hints from both Ls that they are going to make this adversarial (meeting in separate rooms, no face to face even in mediation).

Keep Dbing, stand tough, but understand that if you are truly wanting to save your marriage, be the good guy and don't let the L make YOUR actions be emotional reactions. Only you control you.


M-51 H-54
2D-27 and 25
M-26 yrs
Bombshell and IHS 7-29-15
He moved out 10-3-15
D filed 1-27-16
D final 10-27-16

Kindness, kindness, kindness.
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My ex-wife used to email my L all the time with mundane questions. Every time he responded, I got billed. She was doing this intentionally to ruin me financially.

I finally had to tell him NOT to respond to her emails unless I authorized it.

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So sorry to hear that things have taken a turn for the worse, rich4j.

I think that ciluzen is right on target. Keep your head up and rise above all that rancor you are seeing and be the calm adult in this situation. If nothing else, you will be able to look back on your own behavior and know that it was admirable.

We may not be able to keep our relationships, but we can keep our self-respect.


H: 44, Me: 45
Married: 20 y Together: 25 y
no kids
Walk away: 12/15
Asked for temp separation 12/25/15
PA confirmed 3/16 (apparently neither the first, nor the last PA he has had)
H filed for D 5/16
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rich4j Offline OP
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Good advice all....i have kept my head up and trying to stay calm

She brought up some things last night that let me know she is hurting. I would have formally looked at these as signs of hope..hey...she may want me back!! But no....just statements that I know this isn't easy for her either but the truth is I don't care. I want her to hurt bad....and that is the honest truth The last 6 months she put me thru can never be repaired so I have no remorse in her feeling bad for a long time AS LONG as it doesnt impact my D

Self respect, pride and staying above the noise. I can only focus on being a great dad and person at this point


_________________________
Me-48
Spouse-WAW 52
Married for 10 years
D7
ILYBNILWY 7/15
Suspect EA/PA 12/15 No confirmation/denial
She files 1/2016
Working towards the Big D ...still in progress....
Joined: Jan 2016
Posts: 410
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rich4j Offline OP
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Have been lurking but not posting for a bit as I was GAL'ing with some close friends who were in town and got to out in the "big city' fora visit

Finally told 4 of my close friends the sitch. They were very shocked and dissapointed with my STBX

ONe in fact told me how pissed off he was for years now about a sitch that she put all of us in when they visited My STBX was rude, and they made an effort to travel to visit us and she did her own thing ignoring my friends wife Things were weird since then and now I know. Said he wasn't surprised I was getting divorced and while he knew I loved her, said I deserve better. Wow...that was shocking

Was really sad. I actually broke down a bit after talking about my daughter while we were out one night.....they never saw me like this but were super supportive

Came back and my STBX was rude and actually we got into it this am. Blamed me for her not working for years.....what? what? she made a choice years ago to stay home even before we had a daughter and was fortunate to be able to do so. Had a part time job and now blames me? Geez...that was an all time low ..... Blame Blame Blame away


_________________________
Me-48
Spouse-WAW 52
Married for 10 years
D7
ILYBNILWY 7/15
Suspect EA/PA 12/15 No confirmation/denial
She files 1/2016
Working towards the Big D ...still in progress....
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They are pro's at that.

My waw called me abusive because I yelled at her when she came out and told me she had been living a double life (drinking behind my back) for a year, while I worked my ass off to buy our house.

Go figure...

Believe nothing they say.

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