15. When at home with your spouse, (if you usually start the conversation---then don't, wait for him/her) then, be rather scarce or with your words, but don't sound rude or too short like you are mad. If your spouse asks what's wrong....just say "nothing" and have a pleasant expression on your face. Keep it short and simple. Don't get into an argument! Stay polite and don’ t act like you are pouting. Use poise and class. This does not mean to act like you aren’t speaking, but don’t be overly talkative.
Me-LBH, 44 Spouse-WAW, 41 Married for 9 years S, 7 S, 5 BD - November 20th 2015
But you do speak, right? Maybe you are appearing to be cold? This rule is sometimes misunderstood and men, especially, seem to think they aren't suppose to open their mouth unless the W says something first. Maybe you are going to extreme, and she thinks you are being punitive.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
I'm not sure if I can keep this up. I just want to throw in the towel. I'm feeling so much anxiety and depression. everyday I'm just waiting for someone to walk into my office and serve me divorce papers, even know she hasn't straight out told me she wants a divorce. It hasn't even been three months yet since the BD, but it feels like an eternity in hell. feeling sick to my stomach.
Me-LBH, 44 Spouse-WAW, 41 Married for 9 years S, 7 S, 5 BD - November 20th 2015
That rule is about, and for, those LBS who pursue the WS by starting and prolonging conversations. Just like some who try to keep their S on the phone longer by constantly finding more to talk about. Some LBS smother the WS with talk. Talk, and more talk. The rule explains not to act cold, mad, or rude. So, yes, speak to her. Just don't try to hold her captive by starting more conversation. If she engages in conversation, that's fine.....as long as you don't try to drag it out or take over. Just be pleasant (if possible) and let her do most of the talking. Make sense?
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Makes, sense. I'm just really struggling this week. Every time I look at my Kids it breaks my heart that we may separate\divorce. I've got a lot of fear. Thanks for the response.
Me-LBH, 44 Spouse-WAW, 41 Married for 9 years S, 7 S, 5 BD - November 20th 2015
I Moved out last night. I couldn't do In-house separation anymore. My wife and I met with a mutual friend to discuss our situation. My wife says that she wants a divorce, and doesn't want to be married to me anymore period. He continued to asks her some more questions regarding the lead up to this situation, and she broke down crying and said she felt really bad because I've got chrons disease and she knows I'll lose my health insurance which is under her work. I believe she's sincere in this statement and I felt really bad to see her cry. our mutal friend (Whose a Lawyer said that he thought it was a good idea that I move out immediately because we were both causing more pain at the moment in this situation living together. she has agreed to wait 90 days before filing for divorce or any other action. he said he would like to take us out to dinner with him and his wife in couple weeks, and she agreed. I so lost right now any suggestions?
Me-LBH, 44 Spouse-WAW, 41 Married for 9 years S, 7 S, 5 BD - November 20th 2015
I know how painful this is for you. Your whole world feels like its crumbling.
You are going to need to break down your day into tiny bite size chunks. Instead of focusing on making it through today. Make it through the next hour.
Also, remember to beleive nothing of what your W says right now.
