I just started reading Co-dependent no More. I want an equal partner. I just can't help feeling like she's testing me or something. I want to text a heart. Or just say, are you feeling better? But I won't. MB would kill me and Wonka would desert me and Azzork would let me have it! Thanks to all of you for keeping me from making another mistake. But oh, I miss her.
11/4/15 W revealed EA/2 months later became PA with co-worker Reconciling since late April 2016 Don't give up until it's time, then move on Be patient, strong and kind but never a doormat
NYGal we all know it is very hard not to pursue at times, take a breath and step back to look at the great progress you have made! I see DB as a workout sometimes for your mind. It can get tiring and a pain to want to do it all the time, but when you do you are strengthened. And pursuing is like cheating on that workout/ diet. It's not helping you get stonger its a set back.
I see how much stronger you are now and it's inspiring. Keep up the amazing progress.
The person that you will spend the most time with in your life is yourself, so make yourself as interesting as possible.
W texted that she is bringing something by in 10 min. It's a UPS package that I received a notification on so I knew it was coming. (It's nothing I ordered.) I'll do my best, friends.
11/4/15 W revealed EA/2 months later became PA with co-worker Reconciling since late April 2016 Don't give up until it's time, then move on Be patient, strong and kind but never a doormat
She brought it up. Said she is getting closer to letting ow go and wants to get back with me. She knows she has to let ow go first. we would need therapy. She said she just wants to dial back to a year ago. She said she would appreciate me more. but i cried and said how hard weekends are for me, especially this one because its V day. Bleecchhhh. i couldn't be strong. she said in a non-commital way that i shouldn't assume she will be sleeping with ow saturday night. I know it's all b.s. but how do i handle this now? she's really reaching out to me.
11/4/15 W revealed EA/2 months later became PA with co-worker Reconciling since late April 2016 Don't give up until it's time, then move on Be patient, strong and kind but never a doormat
Ugh I wish you could have been a bit stronger. I know you didn't say much but she is just saying the same things over and over to keep you hanging and you fold everytime. She shouldn't be able to believe all weekend you are sitting around thinking about her
M 37 W 34
T 12 M 8 D 7 S 4
Need break 4/12/15 W no ring 7/7/15
Separate room 4/12/15 Separate living suggested 8/15 W moved out 11/1/15
Hi NYG, I'm sorry this is so tough - but what you are looking for here is solid action and not words. Please don't believe the words only the action. For example:
"I'm getting closer to letting OW go" - I have told OW it is over and sent her a NC letter and managed to be OW free for 3+ months
"I just want to dial back to a year ago" - I have fully accepted how destructive my actions are and have expressed genuine remorse for them. I understand the damage caused and truly regret it. I'm willing to do whatever it takes to repair things with you
I feel she is toying with you and ATM she wants to have BOTH - doesn't really want to lose you OR OW. I think you have to take yourself firmly out of the equation here - unless she HAS ended things with OW. You could explain something like - we have no R at this point, and we won't have any sort of R whilst you are with OP. If you decide to end things with OP, that's your choice and we can talk again after that point.
Please don't keep getting dragged back on to the roller coaster with her my friend. Do you see that she is nowhere near where she needs to be at this point?
JMHO of course....
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
I do see that, thanks Sotto and otw. I will NOT let myself be (too) vulnerable to her until she has told ow it's over for good. and then i will have to figure out how to make sure that has happened. I doubt ow will be interested in sticking around, but who knows? she doesn't want a scandal (and to have to come out as a newly minted lesbian). Or at least that's what I assume. Remember, she did not look happy when i saw her at the basketball game.
I also know I could be completely fooling myself. Just yesterday W said she's a lying cheating low life who can't function. Today she said she's coming out of it and doing better. I know she's not stable. I know this could all leave me reeling if there's a second BD. But friends, I do feel something has shifted.
She said something about having dinner next week. I said I won't be just her friend and she said, no, no, not to be friends, to talk about us getting back together. After she left and called back to make sure I'm ok because she "hated to see me walk away sad" I had composed myself and we were laughing a little and I said, let's get together tomorrow. I was challenging her sincerity about all this. She laughed a little and said, well, let me take care of a few things here. So we'll see.
I won't reach out first. She'll know that I'll assume she's with ow tomorrow night, and if that's the assumption she wants to leave me with then she'll have to live with the consequences. And I did say that not sleeping with ow would sure send a signal that they are over. It's as close as I could come to setting a boundary. So this is all a whole new ball of wax. She knows she's hurting me if she continues to sleep with ow, in case it wasn't obvious before. She knows I won't stand for it. So it's up to her. If she doesn't let her go, I'm gone.
11/4/15 W revealed EA/2 months later became PA with co-worker Reconciling since late April 2016 Don't give up until it's time, then move on Be patient, strong and kind but never a doormat
