Hi. Just to weigh in behind Sandi , your W walking around like that means nothing. You trying to analyse it will only wreck your head. Look at this this way , she's doing it because she's trying to tell you something OR look at it as she sees you as a good friend with no sexual feelings for you so she's very comfortable dressing like that
My W was in my bedroom sat am wearing nothing but my 14 year daughters very short ( for my D , let alone my W ) dressing gown What I took from it was .......... Nothing
It doesn't matter Focus on you and living your life. If your W wants an R talk she will make it clear
My personal analogue for this type of thing is your looking for a planet and your staring into space and all these stars can be see. but they are not the planet your looking for. When and if the planet comes into view it will be clear and not to be confused with the Stars
Thanks Rd, I know one of my problems is trying to work out each interaction. I have moved forward and GAL away from her that she is regularly asking about. I do waste time and energy trying to work her out though.
I guess my questioning is because one of her complaints about me is how scared she says she is of me, but things like this don't indicate someone who is.
Part of my problem also is that a number of friends find that her words and actions don't make any sense, but I guess that is part of the bigger issue. I have had several comments from friends etc that have interacted with her believe she is conflicted and unsure of her decision. However, my W is not actually talking to them much. They are just seeing some of these interactions themselves and are just as confused as I am.
Sandi, you have talked about the need for her to feel a loss or losses, I have worked at removing myself and not making myself available for almost everything outside of the kids. It does seem to draw her in and be curious about what I am doing. You mentioned not to be worried about separation as a LBH, can you expand on this? I am not that concerned other than I will miss my kids when I don't see them, however I grew up in a divorced family so I do know what it is to live it, is it the loss of the family, children that can have an effect, is this what you mean by not being concerned about separation?
Update from another spewing session last night. Wasn't good enough at walking away...
Got told last night that the OM that she is attracted to is also bisexual.... Not really sure what to think of that but for sure this girl is no one I know anymore.
She also says she needs therapy, something I did agree with her own even if it's only for the sake of the children because I have seen her withdrawing from them over the past couple of months.
Don't see any hope, need to just keep moving forward for me and my kids.
Struggled today in the aftermath of yesterday. Now starting to believe that W is intentionally trying to hurt me and destroy what is left of me. The day she moves out can't come soon enough right now.
Worked late last night to avoid W as much as possible. When I got home, she had some supper in the oven for me, boiled the kettle since she thought I would want some tea, asked about my day, talked a little about her day. Just the complete opposite again from the attitude of the night before. She was talking to her parents last night, as I brought my things down to the kitchen, I asked how they were and she told me. Offered if there was anything I could do, she could just ask, then said goodnight.
I will mention that some WW's temp check their H by dressing sexy and/or coming on to him. And I've seen some who just did it for cruel kicks, to mess with their H's head.
There are some WW's who won't allow their H to see them partially dressed, and others who will walk around completely naked. So, who knows. I usually warn LBH'S to be leery of these type of temp checks.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Thank you Sandi, I don't really understand what you mean by temp checking though.
Update for this weekend, spent a lot of the weekend so far with my kids. Had a friends birthday yesterday where I took the kids with me, W did not come even though these are friends of us both. She did have them a lot on Thursday and Friday. Today I told her I had plans with the kids by myself as I wanted to be with ones that love me. Left mid morning and am still out with them.
Heard from her brother and father yesterday, first I heard from her family in several weeks. They have said she feels controlled and stifled. It's hard to understand for me as she doesn't try and do or plan anything for herself and hasn't for the last year. Was I supposed to sign her up for things myself?
So last night after talking some more about the realities of her moving out, about the house the fact that it is not in a position to sell or rent out as we are still only a year in to the build process. W sat on the floor and was saying things like she didn't want this, didn't want to separate, is sorry for what is going on but won't explain how she I sorry.
Found it very frustrating hearing her talk like this but tried to just listen and see where she went with it. Said her head is full of different emotions and feelings but hadn't got any help to deal with them. Trying not to read anything into it but is not my strong suit still.
