Thank you for the post and the support. Yes you are right the being beautiful on the inside does only go so far at times. It would seem that most of therapy time is taken up with spending trying to grey up my thinking, from my very black and white thinking that I do when I navel gaze my issues. This weight thing is just one such problem. It causes me a lot of pain and I think that is more what I want rid of than anything else.
Some of it too is about showing the ex's that I have grown and changed and moved forward with my life. I know we aren't meant to care about that so much. But my weight was so much of my feelings of insecurity in my relationships I would like to put it to bed.
I totally get where you are coming from. I have always struggled with my weight. Up and down, depending on what was going on. I'm a stress eater, until I get so stressed out that I don't eat and then loose weight too quickly. Sometimes I wonder if I use my weight as a buffer to keep people away. I think I'll have to touch on that with my IC next time.
For now, I would be happy with slow weight loss. I'm eating much healthier, but do indulge in comfort food every once in a while. I love poutine (fries with gravy and cheese curds) and Havarti cheese. Mmmmmh! I have slowly gotten away from the heavy food of my heritage (German and Hungarian). I have cut out alcohol completely, thanks to my liver issues. I eat lots of fruits and vegetables and make sure to take my vitamins and supplements daily. Magnesium is really important, it helps with the absorption all the other supplements and vitamins. If I don't take it for a day I really feel it. I quit smoking in January and a couple of times I got some serious cravings to eat. I seriously wanted to eat non stop for like hours. Thankfully I had stocked up on veggies and fruits that week. Nibbled on carrots, cucumbers, tangerines and bananas the whole day.
It's not easy and I fail over and over, but there is no giving up. This is my life and this is my one and only body. I have to try my best to make it a healthy and happy body. You do what makes you happy!
A friend of mine had the lap band surgery a few years ago. She looks and feels great. She does miss eating big meals some days and most sweets will make her nauseous, but she is happy. Ironic thing is that she is a baker that owns two cupcake shops and made my wedding cake.
Just know JellyB, that inside you is a beautiful person. Bodies change. We get old. We get wrinkly. Things will sag and droop. In the end it's the inside that sustains relationships. I think once we find happiness inside of ourselves, the outside either comes along or it really doesn't matter to us anymore.
Oh and JellyB, I think you are gorgeous anyways!!! Lots of men love us bigger women. Even Sports Illustrated Swimsuit edition had their first plus sized model this year.
Di-mond in the rough M-45 H-38 My children S-25 D-23 T 5 M 4 H left April Fools Day 2015
I have been heading your thread and I have so much love and admiration for you you are such a caring person and your posts to my thread have come with such warmth and deep loving understanding.
They say that to truley love we have to love ourself first and this is an area where I thought I did love myself but I realise that I have much work to do here.
One of the things that I have found from being here is that there are so many really kind warm people out there who offer their time and knowledge to others
Jelly never ever forget that you are loved
Happy Valentine Day
Gary X
Me:48 W 41 M:18 T:26 2 D 18 & 4 2 S 17 & 13 Bomb: 20/7/2015 in house separation D filed 06/17 Separate houses 10/17 D Final 29/12//17.
Jelly, I always love it when you show up and post on my thread. You always offer great advice and a kind word. I am so sorry that you have been struggling with weight issues. I know how painful that is and how impossible it can feel to loose it. I have been on a weight loss mission since BD. I will admit that I started walking because it was the only thing that relieved my anxiety and made me stop crying. When I was walking as fast as I could, I would get out of breath, then I couldn't cry because I was having to focus on breathing. It worked well. I walked MILES every day....and I was not a walker before that! I lost 10 lbs the very first week. Of course, that was because I couldn't eat, couldn't sleep, and couldn't stop walking. I was probably walking 9 or 10miles a day during that first week. I would stop and as soon as I started to catch my breath, I'd feel worse and the tears would stop so I'd go out and walk more. I am so glad those days are over! I now walk 3-5 miles several times a week and I eat less than I did. I have lost 42 lbs so far. I wish it was coming off faster, but I will get there eventually. Have you been exercising at all? If not, walking is great for your heart and helps speed up your metabolism.
If you're wanting to do surgery, have you checked into the gastric sleeve surgery? Several women that I worked with had this done and they ALL had great results with it. The surgery is less invasive than bypass, recovery time is shorter, and complications fewer. They returned to work 2-4 weeks after the surgery. One of my good friends had it done and she looks wonderful! Anyway, just thought I'd throw that out there in case you haven't heard about it.
Whether or not you loose weight, there is someone out there that is going to love you just because you're you! They will see your loving and caring heart and won't be able to resist your kindness and charm.
M:45 H:48 M:11 No kids BD:Sept'15 EA:Confirmed 1wk later PA: Oct'15 12 '15 2 wk R Just kidding, H wants NC 12 '15 H back w/OW 4 '15 R &still working on it
I wish I had advise to give you. You are such a big help to me and I wish I could reciprocate in some way. This is such a difficult decision and I can understand your reasoning. No matter what you decide, I just hope your health and safety are prioritized. I am sure you have thoroughly researched this.
That being said, I know beautiful vibrant women that are very overweight, who attract many men and are involved in happy relationships. I also know women that are model thin that are unhappy and in unhealthy relationships. I Really believe that it comes from within.
But I also understand the stresses that are placed on women to look a certain way or to be a certain age. I never thought I would have to worry about my appearance again as a married mom in her late 30s and now it terrifies me, so I don't want you to feel that I am simply giving you the old "don't judge a book by its cover line" without really thinking over what you are going through.
I do want you to know that we all have our insecurities though.
Me: 42 H: 43 Twins age 5 Physically Separated 7/2015
I don't like the endorsement of serial relationships.
If someone ends the relationship, obviously we have to keep going. But I think relationships should teach us how to find happiness and make a partnership work, not how to pack it in and look for greener grass.
But that's not the world I live in, I'm working on accepting that. I touch acceptance at times. I'll get there.
You make the assumption here that the statement refers to romantic R. It doesn't and in any case who says all Rs need to work perfectly or that we should try to make them all life long?
V
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
