It WILL BE OKAY. I promise, no matter what just remember you have your sweet baby! Try to relax tonight. Bubble bath, wine, ice cream, something to relax. I know every time after a fight or argument on the phone with my WAH that the next time I am going to see him I have major anxiety. You must be having a flood of emotions seeing him after not for so long and having to do everything over the phone, and just..WOOOO I can't imagine.
You told him what you needed to tell him. He knows exactly how you feel and what you want. Now it is time to be the women you want to be!
A friend of mine talked to H today. Asked him if he was happy to come home. He said "yeah kind of. I'll miss it here though" and he asked what he'll miss the most, and he said "the people".
In writing the above...I really don't know why I care so much. Why do I take it personal? Especially when I know what it's like to leave close friends behind. I imagine he's not excited after EVERYTHING that's happened between us and everything that may potentially happen regarding the D. I guess it's just really sad for me, that someone could just leave their family behind and not even miss them enough to want to be home with them.
You're right Red, that's going to be my focus. I said my peace, I'm leaving the past to die. I need to focus on taking care of me and D4. That has to be my focus, that and MY future.
Also, I'm pretty angry he hasn't even asked me ONCE about how things are going for the move, or anything of the sort...I'm doing this all on my own, with a toddler and pets. I don't get it, it's like we don't even exist. I just want to go at his knees with a baseball bat sometimes.
That is a hard move by yourself, with pets, and kids.HOW IS IT GOING? Really? Have you gotten any more things done?
Will he help tomorrow or does it need to be done by then? I know how it is, It frustrates me when my WAH used to before ask my plans and see what I was up too and now asks me nothing, makes me feel like I am taking steps backwards. It makes you wonder and mind go crazy.
I had someone tell me today it is because their head is in the fog of confusion. We have to let it go. I think once he is actually home and around it will be harder but easier. Easier to see how he really acts and talks but harder to actually deal with it in person. Many times I have to go "pee" so I can cry alittle, wipe my tears, and leave the bathroom with a smile and make it through the rest of the time he is visiting.
I plan on leaving him with D4 and getting some alone time when he's here when the movers arrive. He'll be in the hotel with D4. I'm sure he'll help, but I'm capable. I'm moving us into the hotel myself so he doesn't come back here and isn't reminded of his fog, also to show him I can handle my own.
It does make me crazy, why don't they ask? He used to care, now he doesn't? I get less respect than his friends I'm sure of it.
I'm afraid to deal in person - he said he was ready to come home an nervous, anxious, excited, scares, hopeful and optimistic. All I can think is all the positives are because he's ready to give me the boot. I didn't ask anything and just agreed. So hard not to mind read that.
The fog is thick with this one. I hope I have some good homecoming story for you guys tomorrow.
I see myself crying in the bathroom a lot. [censored] because I like to wear makeup lol and it'll get crazy I'm sure.
Thanks for asking about how it's going - it's not going to be perfect when the packers come buy it'll suffice. I'm going to be scrambling tomorrow, but I'm taking the night off to pamper myself. I need it today!
Today's the day....Uuugh. I'm so glad I have a ton to keep me busy so I'm not running circles in my head about H.
I woke up early this morning and got ready and looked at myself in the mirror and thought "damn, he's an idiot" and chuckled to myself he's going to be reminded of how stupid he is for a while and he probably won't like it. LOL it brings me joy!
He's coming home as a "friend" and that's what he's going to get...buddy. I was hyper focusing on what he could possibly be feeling/wanting and today I don't care anymore. Finally the light at the end of the tunnel and all I know for sure is that having handled everything I have after BD and all year by myself I feel like I am unstoppable. I'm happy with myself, everyone else can you know what.
I think I'm more worried today about actually liking him than I am him liking me. He's different but as far as I've seen its not a good different. I'm willing to see what the case is though.
Picked him up at the airport. We hugged. He was shaky and I was crying, well weeping I guess. Not full on ugly cry.
Had to take a few time outs moving stuff into the hotel, just sat and tried not to cry. He seems okay, just distant. What I would give for a kiss right now but I know I have to be strong. Everything will be okay no matter what, I've never wanted someone to want me back so much. This [censored].
He said I looked good, and I said thank you. Now we're at the hotel while he unpacks. He's so close but so far away. I don't know how you guys do it with an in-house spouse. The next couple of months may be the death of me but I'm determined to show nothing but confidence, and kindness.
