Thanks to everybody for weighing in on the question of Mr. Fantastic's looming mess. I agree and will hold my tongue and keep my distance.
WRT why my friend weighed in... His girlfriend was a friend of mine -- in fact, one of my old FB profile pics was a zoom of her & me cheek to cheek at a girls night. My friend mentioned having seen her out with all these guys and I asked about the timing, mentioning that he and she were dating. My friend asked to see a picture of Mr. Fantastic and said she'd never seen the girlfriend with him (which is funny, since EVERY OTHER PERSON in my town seems to have and then rushed to tell me about it...) Mr. F has been traveling a lot lately so....
Anyway, I'm trying hard to be the sane parent. New Guy is meeting the kids tonight at a Super Bowl party. I'm trying to keep it casual and have no intentions of making him a family member. But my kids know all my friends and I'd like to bring him further into my life. The only way to do that is for them to be aware of who he is when we do group stuff (like parties, etc.). I'm a little nervous about it, but they seem pretty cool about it so we'll see.
Me42, H40 D12, S8, S7 A revealed: 7/13 Sep 4/14; Agreed to D 1/15
I think you are doing the right thing by easing the new guy into the picture. I'm sure your kids are going to be just fine w/him hanging out at parties, etc.
You've got this covered! Enjoy the party!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
The party went well. Kids approved him. He struck the right note with them and this morning when I reassured them again that we wouldn't be spending all our weekends with him they were visible relieved (Mr. F & GF do).
I've been watching New Guy's behavior pretty closely and trying to figure out who I am in a relationship, and who he is. It's interesting, there are moments I'm not super crazy about, but I can see there are moments when I'm not so much my best self either, so I'm trying to be patient and just see how things play out. This is new for me and I think I'm enjoying it, but I am not totally comfortable either. Which is probably how it should be.
Me42, H40 D12, S8, S7 A revealed: 7/13 Sep 4/14; Agreed to D 1/15
Being patient with yourself is very important. I have not been in a relationship in 8 years until now. There are moments where I am not super crazy about myself in the relationship, but there are other moments in which I am kind of proud. Mostly for recognizing the moments I'm not super crazy about, lol.
I'm glad it went well with yours kids and new guy. My D8 has met this guy and I was beyond nervous. It went surprisingly well. Then we spent a weekend with him and his D6 which went great. Now all 4 of us our having our first vacation this weekend. When D8 is with me, she asks to go to his house. (which is 2 and a half hours away, so we don't just pop on over). She takes the phone from me and says hi to him.
My ex married his AP. She has been in my daughter's life since she was a baby. They will have been married 5 years this April. D8 does wish she got some daddy daughter time when she is with them, but it rarely happens. I think that should happen, even if it was me and ex still married. I think it's always important for kids to have one on one time with their parents.
Oh, and the first time D8 met my man friend, he stayed over, because he lives far which she was fine with. However, around 1pm the next day she was ready for him to leave, because she wanted some time alone with me to absorb everything. Completely normal. Although now, she would prefer him to be here all the time,lol.
I'm glad you stayed out of Mr F's relationship. Another factor that hasn't been mentioned is that he might be aware of the sleeping around. It seems important to him that he can do it, and he might have found someone who will accept it in return for the same (open relationship). Also, I don't think your evidence would be allowed in court. It's a strong hint, but it's hardly conclusive.
All very interesting stuff about New Guy.
M39 D6 D3 (at S) S 2014-09 D 2016-09
"You can't start a fire sitting around, crying over a broken heart" - Bruce Springsteen.
Mozz, I guarantee he would NOT be in favor of the open relationship concept. He was clear several times that he and she are "exclusive." (in quotes because she was living with her husband when he made that claim). He would definitely not be cool with her sleeping around.
Be that as it may, I feel calmer about staying out of his stuff. I hope this is as close as I get to it.
Attention back to myself and New Guy. I'm starting to feel less pressure there.
Me42, H40 D12, S8, S7 A revealed: 7/13 Sep 4/14; Agreed to D 1/15
D12 came downstairs just before dinner, and said, "Hey, Mom? I REALLY like New Guy. He seems really nice. I like [Mr. F's GF] OK, but there's something about her that really bugs me, but New Guy seems really nice. I'm looking forward to [the outing he suggested]."
I thanked her and hugged her and said, "But we're still not going to spend EVERY weekend we're together with him because I don't think that would be fair to anybody."
She smiled and thanked me, looking relieved, and said that as long as we didn't always do the same thing every week like Mr. Fantastic & GF do that she would be happy.
I hope there's no shoe on deck to drop, that was really unexpected.
Me42, H40 D12, S8, S7 A revealed: 7/13 Sep 4/14; Agreed to D 1/15
I did get out and get myself a heart-shaped pizza.. it even came with a heart-shaped red balloon And then I watched copious amounts of Bones on Netflix. I also vacuumed for the first time in.. a long time. I won't even say. But it's amazing how that one thing can make everything seem so much tidier, considering the amount of cat hair everywhere. And at work last week I sent a bunch of colleagues grumpy cat valentines which were much appreciated.
Me:30 H:29, no kids T:12, M:4 (when D was final) 12/13: "Don't think I want to be M anymore" 6/14: Separated (I move) 1/15: H filed for D 5/15: D final
And then I watched copious amounts of Bones on Netflix. I also vacuumed for the first time in.. a long time. I won't even say. But it's amazing how that one thing can make everything seem so much tidier, considering the amount of cat hair everywhere. And at work last week I sent a bunch of colleagues grumpy cat valentines which were much appreciated.