Ebbs and flows

[Di-mond]

V,

I need to copy this and send it to every guy I know, including my H. Most (no offence guys) are so clueless on giving little gifts like that.

[Squiggy]

<- Not offended. Totally clueless.

[SciDad]

Squiggy - signature changed - EA appears to have stopped. Checking was messing with my head too much, so I don't really know for sure.

Hmmm.... I also seem to be transitioning into a role that posts less often, but thinks more introspectively. I think this is a good thing, but time will tell.

Updates - not much to report, but I've noticed subtle shifts in the dynamic between my Wife and I. It's hard to not over interpret or become hopeful, but she seems to be coming back. It's the little things - jealousy when I say an actress looks pretty, lingering when we hug (including a gentle kiss on my chest), not getting upset at me when I forget to do something or say something she doesn't like, asking about MY day instead of only telling me about hers, spending over an hour when we get home just talking. About anything and everything.

I'm still maintaining a little bit of distance to give her space, but this feels very nice right now. It's still not where I'd like it to be, but I think what I've been doing is working. I continue to do my best to remain detached, GAL, and remain open while simultaneously trying to have no expectations.

I'll fully admit that I'm not fully detached and that I have possibly too much hope that my wife is coming back to me. But I remain cautious, and need her to continue to show me she is interested in us. Part of me fears that I am reading the situation completely wrong, or that she will change her mind and turn away from me.

Am I hoping too much? Maybe, but I am reminded of a quotation by Robert Browning. "...Ahh, but a man's reach should exceed his grasp. Or what's a heaven for?"

[annab74]

SciDad...it's hard not to be overly hopeful, but things sound very good! I hope W stays on track with her journey back to you.

[JellyB]

Great post Sci! Just popping in to let know I"m reading and still here. Jellyxxx

[Squiggy]

You're hoping too much for your own well-being I do want you to hope, but more so I want you to focus.

You've noticed subtle shifts, which means your shifts need to be just as subtle, if not more so. Do not push or pursue just yet. You need to give it enough time to see if she really is turning it all around. Trust her actions, not her words.

It is especially critical at this time to stay the course with GAL, 180s, detachment.

Your W has a tremendous amount of her own work to do. She could be temp checking you or testing the waters of returning to the MR itself. If you haven't before, check into one of sandi's many posts explaining he WAW mentality when it comes to potential R. Keep the path open to her, but don't cash in your chips just yet.

Part of me fears that I am reading the situation completely wrong, or that she will change her mind and turn away from me.

Very insightful. Could be either. Your path doesn't necessarily change.

[Vanilla]

It's time to move in observe mode. I think so.

If you do a or b, what does W do?

If you flirt does that help? If you wear cologne and a new shirt does that?

What helps YOU?

Makes YOU feel better?

Do you GAL? What is your favourite thing to do?

What is your hobby?

Regular haircut, manicure, new shoes, dental hygienist, gym etc.....

Looking good?

Blue shirt or black? Etc etc

Observe, detach adjust.

Getting there

V

[mutatio]

Sci, I agree with Squiggy. It would be wise to keep the emotions in check. If you've read it wrong it's really going going to hurt. I recommend MC after it is clear your both trying to make it work. My wife and I should have done that after her affair. If we had I wouldn't be here now. Be strong.

[SciDad]

You're hoping too much for your own well-being I do want you to hope, but more so I want you to focus.

You've noticed subtle shifts, which means your shifts need to be just as subtle, if not more so. Do not push or pursue just yet. You need to give it enough time to see if she really is turning it all around. Trust her actions, not her words.

I absolutely agree, and I'm working on remaining detatched. What makes it worse is that although I try not to react too much to the little signs and shifts I see, I'm not really a very good poker player, especially with something that is as important to me as this. So I'm sure I telegraph my thoughts directly to her...

Actually, the only signs I have are actions - I haven't talked to her specifically about our relationship in I'm not sure how long. We talk about everything else, but I don't want to talk about "us" until she is ready and has dealt with her issues. I'll know when it's time when she brings it up

It is especially critical at this time to stay the course with GAL, 180s, detachment.

Your W has a tremendous amount of her own work to do. She could be temp checking you or testing the waters of returning to the MR itself. If you haven't before, check into one of sandi's many posts explaining he WAW mentality when it comes to potential R. Keep the path open to her, but don't cash in your chips just yet.

I am continuing to GAL and give her space, but remaining accessible. It's a tough dance to master, but it seems to be working. No reason to change the formula now that I'm finally seeing results

[SciDad]

V, now you're playing to my strength as a scientist - observations

However, I'm going to try to make sure I focus on what makes me feel good/happy first, and THEN observe how my wife reacts. It's far to easy right now for me to shift the focus entirely back to my Wife. Not only could that scare her off, but it would defeat the personal growth I've achieved by DBing.