Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 2 of 2 1 2
Joined: Dec 2015
Posts: 739
R
Member
Offline
Member
R
Joined: Dec 2015
Posts: 739
I got (during PA) "I need time alone" and "I have to focus on me" during EA I got "you cant tell me who to be freinds with!" then the lies that he stopped talking to his "friend"

Same ow by the way.


Rain (moi): 40
Ex Fiance: 39
3 kids
On/off again EA & PA
Last BD by ow 12/15
Moved kids and myself back into our own place: 12/15
Joined: Aug 2015
Posts: 867
J
Member
Offline
Member
J
Joined: Aug 2015
Posts: 867
I have never been one to invade someone's privacy.

I constantly asked though and was always told no. of course I know they would never admit it though. It has been 7 months and still no proof (I really have no resources to find out and we live separatly) , or confession.

Continued denials. I am told that " our problems are so much worse then an affair". That our issues have absolutely nothing to do with other woman. That there is no other woman. That our relationship was miserable for him and he needed to leave to survive. That he was at a point that he didn't want to live. That he wants nothing to do with other woman.


Me: 42
H: 43
Twins age 5
Physically Separated 7/2015
Joined: Dec 2015
Posts: 770
A
Member
Offline
Member
A
Joined: Dec 2015
Posts: 770
Julie, my H said those EXACT words to me, every single one of them and there was an EA.


BD 2/15
separation 1/16
formerly Pho or Fo
Joined: Aug 2015
Posts: 867
J
Member
Offline
Member
J
Joined: Aug 2015
Posts: 867
Yes. I know. For me to think there is not is very foolish.

I asked him today if there was emotional affair. He said no. He said "I do not want emotional connection with any woman. This is enough".

I find his trips very suspicious. Especially upcoming one on Valentine's Day weekend. Then again, he found my trip suspicious and i never strayed and for me it would be easier and Im the one that was left so I would be guilt free.

Just like your husband, he is totally not the type. I took consolation seeing how much weight he had gained (I know how horrible that sounds) but everyone says their spouse is not the type.

Truth is, if I found out, I could just move on. No more limbo. Just move on and meet someone new.

Occasionally, I think I should take a lover, just so if he was cheating it wouldn't hurt so much. But then if he wasn't I could not live with myself.


Me: 42
H: 43
Twins age 5
Physically Separated 7/2015
Joined: May 2015
Posts: 347
A
Member
Offline
Member
A
Joined: May 2015
Posts: 347
When I found evidence of my H's PA (thousands of text messages to a female at all hours of the day and night), he practically swore on a stack of Bibles that she was just a co-worker and that I "never had to worry about him cheating on me" because that "was a line he would never cross" and he was "not that kind of man." HAHAHAHA

Oh, but I wanted to believe him. The man sat there and lied to me with the utmost sincerity while I cried my eyes out and reassured me so convincingly of his lack of interest in other women. He was so slick that he switched over to a pre-pay phone and told me he got rid of OW. Then he was texting me CONSTANTLY because he was on work travel to where OW lived and wanted to make sure I knew he wasn't with her. Except I talked to him all the way till bed time, and THEN after we said goodnight, he would go hook up with her.

No...don't believe anything your WWS says, no matter how sincere or honest or not-that-kind-of-person you think they are.


Me: 43, Him: 40
Married: 21 years

Joined: Oct 2015
Posts: 906
T
TxHubby Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
T
Joined: Oct 2015
Posts: 906
Julie, you being wise to what's really going on does give you a leg up in the situation. So many people refuse to see the truth.

NYGal, I do believe that your W saying she wants more time alone means that the affair with OW hasn't ran its course yet. I do believe it will and I do believe she'll want you back when it does. The important question, however, is will you want her? I've read so many of your threads that I feel I've gotten to know you and your W. What kind of people you are. Let me tell you....you can do way better. You're a much better person than she is. I don't think you're capable of dishing out as much cruelty to another person as she has done to you. My two cents, you should be the one telling her to get lost. With that said, if you want her, then I want you to get her so I'd give any advice I can to help you get what you want.



The future is as bright as you demand it be.
Joined: Dec 2015
Posts: 770
A
Member
Offline
Member
A
Joined: Dec 2015
Posts: 770
Julie. Your H could be the exception. Or, your H could be like mine, and the EA caused him so much guilt that he just reacted with anger towards me because he couldn't justify his own behavior. Even when confronted with the evidence and admitting to the EA, he still said in the same breath that "she has nothing to do with this."

In my sitch, the EA could have been a PA and I will never know unless he admits it. Everyone who I have talked to tells me I am kidding myself and it was a PA.

In your sitch there could be either an EA or a PA and you will never know unless he admits it. Or like I said, maybe your H is the exception. Yes, his words and behaviors fit the script, but there are exceptions to every rule. People can be angry for a lot of reasons.

Julie, don't react. Don't take a lover. If you end up divorced there will be lots of opportunities for lovers and you will be guilt free at that point and emotionally available to pursue such a relationship. In the meantime you are married, and your behavior is about you and your morals, not a reaction to H.


BD 2/15
separation 1/16
formerly Pho or Fo
Joined: Oct 2015
Posts: 906
T
TxHubby Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
T
Joined: Oct 2015
Posts: 906
Anyone being told there is no affair partner just ask your spouse to take a polygraph. They cost $350-$500 and are so worth it. 99% of the time you'll get a confession before you hit the parking lot of the place.



The future is as bright as you demand it be.
Page 2 of 2 1 2

Moderated by  Cadet, DnJ, job, Michele Weiner-Davis 

Link Copied to Clipboard