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When you read the WW threads, did it sound similar to your W's behavior now?


It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
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Originally Posted By: sandi2
When you read the WW threads, did it sound similar to your W's behavior now?


Some of the behavior yes.
Since Our last conversation on Thursday night here is what I done not sure if I'm losing her more or making progress.
Friday I did not get up like I been doing since for the most of the month "Getting up and helping get the kids ready". I stayed in my our room (I'm the one in it now, she sleeps in the guess room), Saturday I got up and with the kids, she went out to the grocery to get eggs for breakfast, I served my self something else to eat. When she came back she told me she needed some time alone to cry (She look like she needed to cry) and went into our bedroom for a few hours mind that she took her phone with it, later that afternoon she made a bath for me. Today she during breakfasts one of our kids ask for the food he refuse when she ask him, I was going to take some from my plate and give it to him, she got furious left the table and mumbling "Why did I have to have boys, they are a..holes.., since then she has been in the guess room mainly on her phone (texting or chatting or something) I took our kids to church and she joined us. Her being on the phone is more consistent now.
Am I doing the right thing by going dark? Or am I just pushing her farthest from me? Mind that her major complaint was I did not show her the love I have for her.


T: over 15yrs
M: 8yrs
W: 41 H: 41
S1: 10 S2: 5 S3: 4
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By the way going dark is killing me, everytime I'm not close to her my heart keeps on breaking even more.


T: over 15yrs
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S1: 10 S2: 5 S3: 4
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Originally Posted By: sandi2
When you read the WW threads, did it sound similar to your W's behavior now?

Yes some of the behavior is similar.


T: over 15yrs
M: 8yrs
W: 41 H: 41
S1: 10 S2: 5 S3: 4
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Many wayward wives want the H to be like their BFF. I think with the exception of a handful of WW's, they will say something about wanting to remain best friends. And, I have seen several cases over the years where the WW will taunt the H with physical affection. She operates purely on emotions, and whatever emotion she's feeling at that particular moment is how she's going to behave. If you try to analyze it and make it come out to some logical explaination.....you will go bonkers, b/c there is nothing logic about the WW's thought system.

This is not the girl you married! That girl is gone and you have some looney-tune that's replaced her. So, it is very important for your own sanity that you have a plan and know your boundaries. You operate from your belief system, your values and principles. If you allow your emotions to rule, you will regret it. Not caving to emotions will be one of the hardest things you have probably had to do.

With that in mind, you can set goals as to how you want to improve yourself as a man and a father. Decide what steps you can do to accomplish that growth.

Develope a plan of action for you to implement during this difficult time with your W.

Think about your personal boundaries and how you would enforce them if they were dishonored.

Get a calendar that's just for you. Work that calendar! By that, I mean to find all kind of things to do to get a life every week. This is GAL for your mental health's sake, it's not for your W. Every LBS who reported to the board what was the best thing they did to get through it, has said to really GAL. The self-confidence comes back, and you become a happier individual, and a more interesting man. Plus, it allows great opportunities for a little mystery. Therefore, see what's going on in your community/town. Look at the monthly holiday, b/c usually there will be something centered around that holiday theme. Plan to be busy on weekends, b/c that's the time many LBH'S find difficult for them. Mix it up and do various activities. Resume old hobbies, get together with old friends, etc.


It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
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Anyone having issues with marriage get the following book, it will help you so much. You can also find an audio version if you look on YouTube.
The 5 languages of Love by Dr. Gary Chapman. Now I understand why my wife did not see the love I have for her, I was not talking to her in her language.


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She's cheating on you and your response is to go all passive and kiss her butt? You don't have a chance unless you man up and put your house in order. Don't tolerate this level of disrespect. Who's this OM? Where is he? Is he married? You need to get him out of your marriage right now. You're not fighting for your wife but he is. She respects him but since you're acting so weak she has zero respect for you. Man up. 180. Be king of your own castle. Stick with this passive approach and she's gone for good. Nobody respects a doormat.



The future is as bright as you demand it be.
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Originally Posted By: TxHubby
She's cheating on you and your response is to go all passive and kiss her butt? You don't have a chance unless you man up and put your house in order. Don't tolerate this level of disrespect. Who's this OM? Where is he? Is he married? You need to get him out of your marriage right now. You're not fighting for your wife but he is. She respects him but since you're acting so weak she has zero respect for you. Man up. 180. Be king of your own castle. Stick with this passive approach and she's gone for good. Nobody respects a doormat.


Thank you for your advice, I will stick to the advice of the divorce busting coach. Have you ever thought what "Man Up" really means?
Man Up is when a man takes responsibility for his actions.
When he has the ability to forgive.
I could be all "Macho" man up and kick her out but I also created the scenario that drove her to the EA, I'm not saying it's my fault as everyone has a choice. What I'm saying is The 180 approach is not to be taking lightly, you need to weight the cons and the pros, what might work for sum might not work for others.
I try it and was not working making it worse, instead understanding what cause the issue in the first place allowed me to understand her better and communication btw her and me open up. When have been able to communicate better now that we have ever in our 15yrs together.
Everyone is different and you have to open your eyes to understand and determine the best path.
But the most important objective is to ask God for guidance and help.


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M: 8yrs
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S1: 10 S2: 5 S3: 4
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Originally Posted By: mrx2030
Originally Posted By: TxHubby
She's cheating on you and your response is to go all passive and kiss her butt? You don't have a chance unless you man up and put your house in order. Don't tolerate this level of disrespect. Who's this OM? Where is he? Is he married? You need to get him out of your marriage right now. You're not fighting for your wife but he is. She respects him but since you're acting so weak she has zero respect for you. Man up. 180. Be king of your own castle. Stick with this passive approach and she's gone for good. Nobody respects a doormat.


Thank you for your advice, I will stick to the advice of the divorce busting coach. Have you ever thought what "Man Up" really means?
Man Up is when a man takes responsibility for his actions.
When he has the ability to forgive.
I could be all "Macho" man up and kick her out but I also created the scenario that drove her to the EA, I'm not saying it's my fault as everyone has a choice. What I'm saying is The 180 approach is not to be taking lightly, you need to weight the cons and the pros, what might work for sum might not work for others.
I try it and was not working making it worse, instead understanding what cause the issue in the first place allowed me to understand her better and communication btw her and me open up. When have been able to communicate better now that we have ever in our 15yrs together.
Everyone is different and you have to open your eyes to understand and determine the best path.
But the most important objective is to ask God for guidance and help.



I know what the 180 is. I lived it. I detached and was the model husband. I didn't hassle her about the affair. You know who was working on her? The OM. While you're giving her space, he's filling that space.



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Well Today we went to marriage counselor but wife doesn't want to work things out and will not give EA (OM not even in the states) I believe today is the mark of the End. I'm going to have to figure out how to take care of our three kids (4,5,10) and still work, diver the older ones to school pick them up and take care of the 4yr old, run a business or quit the business and look for a job at a company with regular business hrs.
My wife is so far gone in her fantasy world that will not listen to reason, her words "if I give in and work on our marriage l'm giving you control".
I think is over, I'm done no more doormat. I'm scare and devastated for my kids, specially the oldest that has gone through a lot "he was bully on the first grade" and now I'm going to have to pull him away from his school that he is doing so well and back to the school he was bullied at. Or sell the house move to my mom's house the school is next door to her. It doesn't help right now that I'm slow on business and living from savings for the past 3 months.


T: over 15yrs
M: 8yrs
W: 41 H: 41
S1: 10 S2: 5 S3: 4
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