Need help. Threading water, must learn to swim.

[G8r]

Thanks sandi2. I hear what you're saying. I haven't misinterpreted it. My head tells me she still wants out of the M and me out of the house. I'm getting better at doing my own thing and showing indifference to her while still being nice. It certainly makes living together better and it's better for D3 when we don't fight.

At some point I believe I will need to leave. I just don't see her dumping the om without that. At same time, I can see that her having to see me daily is eating her up. Her physical, mental and emotional health have significantly deteriorated over the past 4 months. Of course she blames me, even goes so far as to say I'm making her sick and that it is my intention to make her sick. The reason she is so unhealthy is that she is stressed because her conscience is eating her alive. Dump the chump, return to work on the M and her health would begin to return but she won't see the solution. Easier to blame me.

I will say that most of the day with her went well. Although I thought we were going to see Disney on Ice, we saw Beauty and the Beast. Liked it much better than the cartoon. I was nice but certainly not clingy. Towards the end of our day together, she asked if there was something I wanted to say. Although there was (she thinks I'll watch D3 if she has to teach a night class, no chance), I said nope and redirected conversation.

[G8r]

Helped WW remove clutter from the house today. One of many things she's complained about for a long time. My feeling always was STFU and do something if it bothers you that much. Apparently it didn't because she never did anything about it so neither did I. Just like today, I would have helped (without her asking) if she had taken some initiative. If something bothers me, I do something about it rather than wait for someone else to do it so I figure other people are 5he same. Apparently not.

Felt a sense of accomplishment afterward and I didn't do it to impress the WW. I've always been one to help if she is working and I figured wwe're going to have to do this when we D anyway.

I did have to deal with some verbal jabs but that went ok. Let's see what happens tomorrow.

[TimR]

Sandi can you elaborate a little more about WW's being nice as manipulation and LBH's being a soft target. I am in a similar circumstance as Gr8t and suddenly my WW is being nice as in calling and chatting over the weekend or just send me a text about her day this weekend. I viewed it as hope. I was also worried it just maybe excitement about her upcoming move. Thanks

[sandi2]

Sandi can you elaborate a little more about WW's being nice as manipulation and LBH's being a soft target. I am in a similar circumstance as Gr8t and suddenly my WW is being nice as in calling and chatting over the weekend or just send me a text about her day this weekend. I viewed it as hope. I was also worried it just maybe excitement about her upcoming move. Thanks

Well, another term might be "to butter up". I don't believe a WW will suddenly start treating the LBH nicely without an ulterior motive, b/c that is the nature of a WW. Everything is about her. Selfishness drives her. She knows you better than anyone. She knows what makes you tick, what turns you on, etc. She also knows what to do to get you to do what she wants. Women have been doing it forever.

As long as she's wayward, the H needs to be cautious about seeing it as "hope" whenever she suddenly acts nice to him, b/c sooner or later she's going to hit him with whatever it is she wants from him. Some guys never catch on to what she's doing, and some do.

[G8r]

Thank you for the advice sandi2.

Busy week. Need to go to professional development tonight. Church tomorrow night and support group on Thursday.

[G8r]

Had a lot of anger and resentment today but didn't show it to WW. Also have gone 2 days without checking to see if my WW is active on FB instant messaging which is big step for me. Yay me!!!

[otw]

good job, baby steps

[WillDo]

Very structured thinking model. You are laying the issues nicely in your head. Thanks and Good luck.

[brutus3]

I think you are doing a great job. I'm a bit ahead of you since I have a separation agreement signed and found my own place. You seem to be handling things better than I did and my hat off to you.

[G8r]

Thanks to all of you for the support. I really don't feel like I'm doing all that well (but maybe I am) so it is very nice to hear from others. Thank you.

Woke up this morning, the pain is still there in the background but the anger and resentment is not nearly as intense.

Was beautiful outside this morning walking the dog around 4:30 am. There was a light covering of powdery snow and I was the 1st to go through it. Always peaceful to see fresh snow, especially since it doesn't snow regularly where I'm living.