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Rednail #2651025 02/07/16 04:54 PM
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[quote=Rednail]V,

He called me today and was cranky on the phone. He said his parents are letting them stay now as long as he needs to he is no longer moving back in but he wanted to know if 400$ was okay.

Sounds like he sussed in the long term not enough.

I told him I would rather talk in person and he got mad at me. He said that I'm being dumb and I don't listen to him. He said even with the D he is giving me my car and still wants to pay for my car insurance, cell phone, health, on top of the 400$.

Control my lovely one.

Isn't that weird? Is it? How does that even work? Here ex hubby, here are my bills for this month for my health, car, phone, could you pay them please?

As long as you get it paid. Let him think you are so little dumb woman.

I didn't think it would make me sad for him not to move in but it does. I don't know why. I feel like him living with his parents it will push him to start the divorce faster and give me less time to DB with the pressure of his dad.


I think the reverse. The longer you can hold out the better.

I think I am going to do that V. While we are separated and not filed I will tell him that 400$ is going to be okay (MAYBE) if it's just for my gas and groceries but until I GET a job, put the kids in full time to daycare, and SO MANY other factors, I really won't know if it is going to be enough down the road and we have to wait..and I will keep finding reasons to not settle on a number until then I guess.

I love the strategy. Absolutely take your time. You have the gift of time and now you have your home for the immediate future. Long may it last. Work on you.

Terrific work done, great interactions with H. Objective achieved for the interim.

V


Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose.
V 64, WAW


Vanilla #2651037 02/07/16 05:28 PM
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v,

I am starting to see that he really is weirdly controlling. I don't know anyone whose ex husband want's to put in the divorce he will pay for all her bills instead of upping the child support. Makes no sense to me. Yes I want to pay all of her bills for her, but not up the child support please. What the heck.

I asked him "Could you pick up x,y,z for D5 valentines day party on Friday?" I forgot to ask when he was being cranky on the phone and I need to make sure he gets it on his day off tomorrow.

He just texted me: "Yeah, I'll get it.You know you can ask me to do absolutely anything for you. It's not like I don't care about you still crazy. I'm not going to be mean and cut you away or anything."

^ When he says things like this It is SO HARD not to snap on him and really tell him what I think. I responded, Thank you, I'll see you tomorrow. I really do NOT understand why he want's to keep telling me he will do anything for me and is here for me. I just want to tell him what I think but I KNOW it would do nothing but cause a fight.

This is true, at least have the house for right now. I can work on me. I can DB. I can keep moving forward.


Me:24 H:26
T:7yrs M:4yrs
S:4 D:5
ILYBNILWY 12/5
PA Confirmed 2/19


Rednail #2651042 02/07/16 05:53 PM
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Rednail,

Keep up the good work. My W and I have been on the rocks for at least a year. I did not realize how bad it was and filed for D out of fear. It is not what I want. I have the kids while she is living at her parents. She still wants to go through with the D. She is 4 hours away. I have thought about letting her have custody of them but I don't know who is more controlling, her or me. I am a generous person and would probably do the same and pay for extra things. There are nice guys out there. Sometimes they just don't hear their Ws.

I woke up and realized what I did wrong but have a long road to show W I care and can change.


H-46 XW-38 T-7 M-6
S-9,8,8,6,4
S 11/30/15, I filed 12/8/15
EA 2/1/16 D dismissed 3/24/16
PA 3/18/16 confirmed 4/22/16
XW files for D 4/1/16 - D final 11/17/16
Finally moving forward...
J5K #2651054 02/07/16 07:20 PM
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Jimkao, I am sorry to hear that. I must be even harder with 5 kids then it is with 2! You are an amazing dad for having all of them full time. I would love if my WAH woke up and realized that like you did. I really would, but right now he just is a ball of mixed signals and confusion. I have to just focus on me and my babies until he a-smartens up or b-I really move on.I hope you guys can figure it out as well and you continue to be an amazing dad for your kids!


Me:24 H:26
T:7yrs M:4yrs
S:4 D:5
ILYBNILWY 12/5
PA Confirmed 2/19


Rednail #2651058 02/07/16 07:30 PM
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Went back to my first post, REALLY IN DEPTH rereading all of those posts from cadet as your welcome post. I feel like this week I have been lost and the closer we get to V day the worse I am getting because I know i'll be alone.

Back to basics:

DETACH.

Believe none of what he or she says and half of what he/she does.

Have NO EXPECTATIONS.

Take care of yourself, breathe, eat, sleep, exercise.

It is 9:24 pm and I have had 4.5 hours of sleep in 24 hours, I have only eaten one taco and a piece of toast today, I haven't exercised and I haven't relaxed. I am now making myself soup, going to lay down, watch the superbowl and get ready FOR SCHOOL TOMORROW. I can't let myself ruin my school on monday.

I also lost my voice today and think I got an ear infection because my ears are hurting. I need to take better care of myself. Everytime we have a D talk, even if I do well I let it affect me to much. I let it consume me and make me break down and usually I would be up all night tossing and turning thinking about it.

Wish me luck at school! First time since before kids =/ NERVOUS.


Me:24 H:26
T:7yrs M:4yrs
S:4 D:5
ILYBNILWY 12/5
PA Confirmed 2/19


Rednail #2651065 02/07/16 08:05 PM
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You got this girl!! Walk into class tomorrow with confidence! You are a bad-you-know-what going back to school with everything you have going on, really. Be proud!

I'm not the best at taking care right now too - I'm putting it all into the kid. I'm tying to make eating a habit again...even if it's something small, like a snack. Also, sleep has been hard especially with the constant head chatter and the feelings. I'm doing what my mom has always pestered me to do - sleep when you need to, when you can. Even if it's a little nap on the couch, it's better than nothing! I'm finding it easier to sleep on the couch right now with the TV on. I don't know what it is, it might be the feeling utterly alone that gets to me.

I'm on the same page! Detach and no expectations! Slow and steady. One day at a time.


29/H29
T:8/M:6
D4
Overseas JAN15-16
ILYBNILWY- DEC15
BD - JAN16
Separated - MARCH16
D Filed - MAY16
OW confirmed - JUNE16

roar #2651145 02/08/16 05:16 AM
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I know it shouldnt matter but the other thing that gets to me is the more I db the less he asks about me so I worry. He used to ask me about me GAL and curious and now he asks nothing besides the kids stuff and keeps it all kids. Just sometimes I'm like shoot I'm pushing him away more. I hope I'm not.


Me:24 H:26
T:7yrs M:4yrs
S:4 D:5
ILYBNILWY 12/5
PA Confirmed 2/19


Rednail #2651207 02/08/16 07:56 AM
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Rednail,

That is all my W asks about also is the kids. Don't worry. They are still in the fog and don't know what they are missing. Be strong and do what you have to do no matter what the outcome.


H-46 XW-38 T-7 M-6
S-9,8,8,6,4
S 11/30/15, I filed 12/8/15
EA 2/1/16 D dismissed 3/24/16
PA 3/18/16 confirmed 4/22/16
XW files for D 4/1/16 - D final 11/17/16
Finally moving forward...
J5K #2651302 02/08/16 10:53 AM
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Red - don't let him drawing away and focusing on the kids distract you from the tasks you have set before you. Watch that mindreading.... While he's doing that, he's also telling you how he cares for you and willing to pay for more than just the kids. I spot an alien.

roar - I slept on the couch for 6 months with Pandora streaming on the TV smile

Jim - in the fog with high beams on...


M: 8.5 T:10
Me:37 W:34 S:6

Retrouvaille and W moves back- 7/31/15
Piecing - 7/4/15 to present
Squiggy #2651316 02/08/16 11:14 AM
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Squiggy- All day today I have been telling myself to keep being strong,sexy, confident like you said.
I got my crying out already today from being emotional so now I Just need to hold it together and be confident,fun, positive when he visits.

I have a semi game plan in my head. Hopefully it goes good and I'll report in later.

Roar- I still sleep on the couch somedays. Im trying better to sleep when I can. I'm taking a NAP today when my kids to.

Jim- yeah the fog is thick and I know we both have to do what is best for us and the kids.


Me:24 H:26
T:7yrs M:4yrs
S:4 D:5
ILYBNILWY 12/5
PA Confirmed 2/19


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