I don't agree with all of it, I am working on myself as a better man as opposed to a better husband but the anger and hostility I seem to be facing seems a bit like this story.
So more lies this morning, has gone to see OM. My kids have been sick this weekend and she is off to see him. Trying to be there for my kids but so hard to hear my daughter asking for her mommy...
After she came back yesterday we were all out at a parade meeting up with some friends, after which they came back to our home where I had made a gulash soup for everybody. Part of my 180 is to invite friends over more and cook more, try new recipes etc. As the conversation was going on around the table my W looked for me and at me 7 times in about 5 mins. Even one of our friends who knows the situation noticed this. Even later on, she was talking to the kids but actively looking for me and to engage my eye contact with me.
After the kids were in bed, I used the time to catch up with friends, then headed out late to watch some of the Super Bowl, only saying goodnight to her as I left.
This morning the first thing she said to me was to ask if I enjoyed the Super Bowl as she assumed that is where I went, I indicated that I was elsewhere instead. Don't know if that's the right approach but she questions my every move about where I am going.
She’d had an affair, and instead of pushing her away, he said, “It’s okay; I still forgive you and love you and want you.”
To a wayward wife, this represents weakness. It also shows her that she can treat him as though he was not valuable, yet he would still be there loving and forgiving her. That does not work with a WW.
Neither do I agree with this:
Quote:
What your wife WANTS you to do is get frustrated.
She wants you to get weak.
She wants you to give her any reason to stick with her decision to leave.
So, you need to ignore the revolt. Don’t let it affect you.
Don’t give her what she wants, which is for you to start pushing away from the marriage.
What the writer of that newsletter seems to be missing is that a WW simply doesn't care. She's not going to give her H enough thought to want anything from him except her freedom.
Some things the H does need to ignore, but it upsets me for writers to imply that a man says it is okay for his W to have an A and that he will ignore her bad behavior and just continue loving and forgiving her........even when she doesn't want it.
How is a man suppose to have self-respect when he just rolls over and says, "It's okay, honey, I'll keep loving you".
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
I agree with what you are saying Sandi, thank you for your feedback. Would you also have any feedback to the varying actions I have been experiencing from her this past weekend?
She also wants to know where I'm going, what I am doing, how I am getting on with my training for the half marathon I have signed up for. I feel she is constantly asking about me and will talk about her day etc even when I don't ask.
For someone that has stated that she is scared of me, feels empty towards me, I find these constant engages somewhat against the grain. I know when I spoke to Chuck, he believes that I have been challenging her core beliefs of her current decision to leave. To watch out for her tests and challenges.
Well, it's hard to know what was up with her. My guess is that she was wondering what was up with you. . In the past, would she search for eye contact with you? And if so, would she do this to relay some silent message? If that's not it, then I'd say she is curious about what you are doing.......which is a good thing.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
. In the past, would she search for eye contact with you? And if so, would she do this to relay some silent message? If that's not it, then I'd say she is curious about what you are doing.......which is a good thing.