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Rednail #2650626 02/06/16 12:29 PM
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Originally Posted By: Rednail
I almost want to just go file myself to be done with this pain but I know it's my feelings talking and not my brain.


UGH, me too me too 10099 times over. I know you're feelings, at least I think I do. I'm trying to give myself 24 hours each time I get that heavy, overly reactive feeling coming over me before doing anything about it. Have you ever been this completely exhausted? I haven't. I've never felt so drained, I feel like I'm going to have to fake every interaction with the H for a long time.

My plan is just to work around the house today, clean the car...just stay busy. Stop going around in circles in my head.


29/H29
T:8/M:6
D4
Overseas JAN15-16
ILYBNILWY- DEC15
BD - JAN16
Separated - MARCH16
D Filed - MAY16
OW confirmed - JUNE16

ciluzen #2650629 02/06/16 12:35 PM
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Ciluzen, I went and just listened to that song now. It's a good song.I sang along lol.

Roar, UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH nope. I was less exhausted getting up 6 times a night breast feeding my baby and having no sleep. I am physically, mentally, emotionally, completely just exhausted and over it. The ONLY good thing I can think of is if he moves home maybe he can see the changes more then just when he sees me for a few hours in a week. I also think it will be a lot harder for me. Do we have separate rooms? Do we share the same room? Do I leave every night he has off? Like IDFK


Me:24 H:26
T:7yrs M:4yrs
S:4 D:5
ILYBNILWY 12/5
PA Confirmed 2/19


Rednail #2650715 02/06/16 07:08 PM
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Hey me too! With us being on the road, I'm just going to let him decide his deal but set boundaries if needed. I think it'll be harder but it'll also keep us accountable to our changes because while they are for us, it's easier to keep it up when there are watchful eyes. Once it's a real habit, we're golden.

This is my problem too - over planning. Girl, we gotta take it one day at a time. See what's really going on. Be observant, be firm, and be confident in OUR decisions (self pep talk before H comes home lol). Our journey is separate from theirs and we can and will be better in the end either way.

I was just popping in to say, I hope you have a fabulous night out with your sister!!


29/H29
T:8/M:6
D4
Overseas JAN15-16
ILYBNILWY- DEC15
BD - JAN16
Separated - MARCH16
D Filed - MAY16
OW confirmed - JUNE16

roar #2650738 02/06/16 08:42 PM
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roar - Well said about one day at a time. That whole paragraph Great advice for the two of you.

Red - you've gotten in contact with an L, broadened your job options, began making plans, GALing tonight, and are working on boundaries, all within a week, while being an awesome mom for two toddlers during this sitch? You've got the green light for being tired. I hope you're having a great night and relaxing a bit.


M: 8.5 T:10
Me:37 W:34 S:6

Retrouvaille and W moves back- 7/31/15
Piecing - 7/4/15 to present
Squiggy #2650748 02/06/16 09:43 PM
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Its awful lol i wish I was home


Me:24 H:26
T:7yrs M:4yrs
S:4 D:5
ILYBNILWY 12/5
PA Confirmed 2/19


Rednail #2650763 02/07/16 01:18 AM
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Ok, my night out after not so great morning started awful ended fun.

He ended up seeing a photo of me, just my makeup before I went out and he texted me to tell me I look "cute". I never said anything since I didnt know what to say.

I had a few guys try to talk to me but I politely shooed them away, once they knew I wasn't going home with them they would leave too. One guy came over with a drink and then said I bought you a drink, want to hook up. I STILL WEAR MY RING. I was like what type of place did you take me to. I was very uncomfortable and wanted to leave.

Finally we left and went somewhere more my style, I got to dance alittle, have 1 drink, look really pretty and smile. Got taco bell at 2:45 am on the way home. I just got home at 3:15 am my time.

I think today was a hard emotional day. I cant wait for tomorrow. I hope I wake up in a better Db mindset and not so..give up and walk away mind set.

Roar and Squiggy you guys both vave me great advice I need to listen to and follow starting when I wake up.

I didnt realize how much of a roller coaster marriage and separation can be! The highs are high..but the lows..oh man they are low.

Tomorrows goals- keep working on me. Start my wreck this journal my friend got me today. Try to get out of this gove him the D and walk away to make the pain hurt mindset.


Me:24 H:26
T:7yrs M:4yrs
S:4 D:5
ILYBNILWY 12/5
PA Confirmed 2/19


Rednail #2650764 02/07/16 02:33 AM
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Red,

I am so sorry you are going through this. And I say sorry from the bottom of my heart because I felt it all some time ago. And to be honest, it still hurts.

Glad that you had some fun. It helps to feel not so invisible. But it's hard when we have a million other things to think about.

It's not going to be fun if he moves back home. But you need to think that you need to do whatever takes for your and your little one's securities.

Who knows, maybe he changes his mind in the process.

Keep the good work, you are strong and can do this.

Pink


Pink17
S22,19 and 16
D:8/5/2015



Pink17 #2650769 02/07/16 02:51 AM
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Hi Rednail, sounds like you had a good time. Bless you, you were so strong during that phone call! I really don't think you should move out of the family home with your children. I know you're not getting L advice at the moment but I know they would tell you not to. When I DBd my M 9 years ago my H ended up coming home to R. I know it's not the same thing as this situation of your H moving back in, but, my H was very cautious about moving in and didn't want to share a bedroom etc. My S was on the verge of moving into a bed from a cot at the time so what we did was buy an adult bed for his bedroom. H slept in it while S stayed in the cot a little while longer. Then gradually H warmed up to the idea of sleeping in same bed again. Do you have a single bed that H could sleep in and one of the children sleep in with you? I know it isn't ideal but better than moving out and uprooting the children when you are all already going through turmoil.


M-43 H-42
S-11 D-7
T-19 yrs
M-15 yrs
Bombshell 9/17/15
Sep - 11/9/15
inpain #2650827 02/07/16 07:12 AM
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Pink-
I know I keep telling myself no matter how bad it gets, I'm doing this for my kids. I'm in a semi better mindset today.

Inpain-Yes my kids all have full size beds either of us could sleep in if we needed. Only problem is I dont think my H would care and expect just to sleep in the same bed together. Every time he sleeps over he stays in our bed but it might be different if he moves in. He might want separate rooms.

I was thinking putting a pull out couch into the toy room and cheap according doors so at night it turns into a "room" since it has a tv, computer, etc and on the other side of the house from the bedroom. We would be on opposite sides of the house with the kids rooms, living room, kitchen, front door between us.

I think he might try to find somewhere else because he made it clear he doesnt want to come back home if he doesnt need to.

I just worry in my head if I will get to confortable and think oh hey we are getting back together and we arent.

I dont think I will see him until tomorrow or tuesday and it is giving me anxiety. I know I will have to have a serious I cant go live at my moms talk but idk how to DB and make it sound. Idk help me prepare!!


Me:24 H:26
T:7yrs M:4yrs
S:4 D:5
ILYBNILWY 12/5
PA Confirmed 2/19


Rednail #2650859 02/07/16 08:43 AM
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Red

Do that which you want to do to establish your boundaries.

It strikes me that you should not leave the MB. I did and I chose that sleep arrangement you mentioned as it gave me some boundary.

I think it was a mistake, I should not have left the MBR. Still I did it for the peace it gave me.

Also be aware that your WH moving back may be to reassert control if he thinks he is losing it.

Just my observation

V


Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose.
V 64, WAW


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