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roar #2650414 02/05/16 05:41 PM
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Thinking of you too roar <3


Me:24 H:26
T:7yrs M:4yrs
S:4 D:5
ILYBNILWY 12/5
PA Confirmed 2/19


Rednail #2650463 02/05/16 08:12 PM
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Strong, confident...Damn! I too am very proud of you, red!

I really hope you do not let that feeling slide. Consider it one of your first major victories.

You're definitely disappointed about the jobs. It's not the end of the line though. CNA, right? How much longer? I work in a behavioral health section of ONE of the hospitals in my city. Want me to throw jobs at you? That's not counting all the retirement homes, nursing homes, home health agencies, residential agencies, private doctor's offices, etc. It's only the end of the world if you let it be (like the hopeless L situation you just smashed into the ground... smile )

Money is just a matter of good budgeting. We can help you with that as well. During our separation I paid for the house, utilities, joint cell phone plan, joint car/house insurance plan, all of son's daycare, healthcare for myself and son, food and clothing for myself and son, and bought him a new bed (his big boy bed) on an income slightly higher than W's. She came out of the process with $3k debt. I came out about even with only a little in debt to a friend for L fees that was planned out. All about good plans.


M: 8.5 T:10
Me:37 W:34 S:6

Retrouvaille and W moves back- 7/31/15
Piecing - 7/4/15 to present
Squiggy #2650473 02/05/16 09:08 PM
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Squiggy! CNA school I will be done with on thursday! Then just need to take the test, pass, and I'll be a licensed CNA hopefully by March. THEN my goal is save on the side for school to go get my LPN or RN eventually, I need 4 classes to finish my AA and apply to nursing program at school.

Thank you! I didnt even THINK of half the places you listed a CNA can work! =D Gives me more hope and options! I can do it. I'm also scared since ive never had a full time job. Sad really.

My step sister felt bad about my plans all being cancelled on thursday so she got me a babysitter aka asked my mom to watch my kids for me and bribed her since she lives with my mom. Is paying for parking, access into the club-loungue place, and is driving. She said I can't say no when she took care of everything.

I'm nervous. Its VERY OUT of my comfort ZONE. I'm more of a sit at a nice fancy bar, drink wine or fruity drink and eat some food with friends. Ive never been to a club-loungue place and have to dress up super sexy to go out there. Its making me sweaty and nervous.

Idk if its because I dont want people to think I'm a bad mom for going out, or if I worry my WAH will get angry, or if its because I dont want guys hitting on me..I have no idea what my problem is but I'm nervous and its 24 hours away.


Me:24 H:26
T:7yrs M:4yrs
S:4 D:5
ILYBNILWY 12/5
PA Confirmed 2/19


Rednail #2650483 02/05/16 09:32 PM
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First an L and now a career plan? Feels better having a plan, huh? I work with an APRN and my son's godmother is a retired RN. So many doors open for you as you climb up.

Get all sexy for it and enjoy the attention. You're 24 and have a full life ahead of you. Enjoy it some!

It doesn't make you a bad mother at all. Your kids need you at your best, and part of that is being happy and relaxed. A night out is great way to do that. You need that time away for yourself every now and then.


M: 8.5 T:10
Me:37 W:34 S:6

Retrouvaille and W moves back- 7/31/15
Piecing - 7/4/15 to present
Squiggy #2650507 02/05/16 11:07 PM
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Red,

Just go for it. Dress well, something sexy but not what you will feel uncomfortable. Just casual sexy I would say.

Oh...24... at your age I was in crazy mode. Life was a really big playground. Nice time, enjoy it as much as you can.

For quite a few times, I sense you fear your H. Is there any fear? Is your H those guys that can lose it and be kind of violent in some form or level?

His job is not the most friendly I would say, and they tend to be kind of aggressive if there are any issues with depression, anxiety. He is going through a turmoil right now, is there any possibility he would get angry to a violent level?

Now, about you going out. How is that possible that he will know what you are doing? Are you thinking to tell him about this? You do not need, as long as you have a trusted adult to care after your kids, and it will be family, I don't think it should be any issue.

Just be careful to cover all your steps. You do not want to give him a reason to try to get custody from you. Did he ever mention anything about the kids, or is he just fine with the kids being under your care? Maybe he did not even think about this yet, but he will think.

Anyway, going out will be good for you. It will probably feel awkward at first, you are a wife, a mom... that put us far from a woman's world. Try to relax and enjoy yourself.

Love,
Pink


Pink17
S22,19 and 16
D:8/5/2015



Pink17 #2650541 02/06/16 06:16 AM
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Squiggy- yes yesterday made me feel good making a plan and talking to the L and planning. I feel more prepared for either plan A or plan B.

Pink-

I dont think he would get angry to a violent level with me. Hes never been violent with me besides yelling a few times and if someone yells at me I automatically cry then he feels bad and its over..BUT with being separated I DONT KNOW.

I have seen him get mad at video games and punch a wall and put a hole in it or throw the controller at the wall and have a tantrum.

I just know I don't want to make him mad where he feels like he needs to do some revenge thing like going out with some girls or something stupid.

I dont plan on telling him BUT MY STEPSISTER will. She is a social media obsesser with her friends. I never post any of my business but she will.

A typical day for her is literally post 10 things, tag her self into places, upload 5-6 selfies. And her friends are going and they are all the same and even if they don't tag me I already can expect to show up in some photos.

AND SHE TOLD HIS SISTER ALREADY because they are friends and invited her too so my sister in law knows and prob my MIL,FIL, and WAH all know by now too. -_-

Since my separation my facebook has turned into people just tagging me in photos or places with them. I dont GO on my facebook but once a week or two but they don't get it when I say DON'T tag me please.

He never posts or get tagged in anything so there is no proof he goes out drinking 3-4 times a week. I tried to tell them I don't need to give him proof or reasons to make my life harder.

Even photos they don't tag me in he will see because he is friends with all of them and can look on their stuff. Like for one bachelorette party there was a photo of me smiling with my drink talking to my friend in the background and he saw them and kept bringing it up and about my dress looking too short.

He knew I was going it was his cousin and a few family members and his cousins friends and he watched me get dressed before I went and didnt like my dress then and I changed my heels to shorter ones because he wouldn't stop complaining about me going out in 5" heels because I would fall and they looked dangerous.

He said he knows I'm a great mom and would never try to take the kids from me especially with his schedule where he works so much, overnights, then sleeps all day.. But that can always change. He can always decide to get nasty later.

And no his job is not friendly at all and he is on the extraction team at work..so when you see the guys in the shield and with the gas bombs etc on tv going in to whoop butt he gets to do that too. I will say this job took him from my sweet caring cna taking care of old people to pretty cocky and working out,thinking he is a bad A.


Me:24 H:26
T:7yrs M:4yrs
S:4 D:5
ILYBNILWY 12/5
PA Confirmed 2/19


Rednail #2650568 02/06/16 08:07 AM
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OKAY SO THIS IS MY DAY-Needless to say I AM BALLIN MY EYES OUT

WAH called to ask how the kids are..tell me he went over finances and he can only give me 400$ a month in child support for both kids. He doesn't want to go to court and get into some battle over money and that is all he can give me. He wanted to know if that is okay and that is what he will start giving me now for child support.

He said him and his dad got into a huge fight over him staying there and they are making him move out by the end of Febuary so he wants me to ask if I can move out of our house and into my moms(aka me and kids sharing one bedroom at my moms house or sharing a bedroom with my mom.) He said he was going to tell me monday(the SAME day he is over smacking my butt and being all loving) but it made him feel shitty to ask so he had todo it on the phone.

I was very strong in the beginning, I let him vent about his parents and validated his feelings. I did tell him I thought he was going to give me a few months to figure out my situation and he said his dad is pushing the whole if we are getting a divorce we need to hurry up and get it started already because it can take awhile type deal.

He said he has not seen any lawyers and he doesn't want to see any lawyers right now and he isn't talking about speeding up the D process just maybe finding me somewhere else to live. I told him my mom already said no. That she isn't sharing a room with me and my kids. (My mom said she will do what she has to do but I don't want him to know this and kick me out. I refuse to be kicked out until the D is in the process or until I CHOOSE TO LEAVE.)

I told him I wish he had told me that he told his parents we were getting the D 100% because when I got a call from his aunt telling me it kinda sucked. He said he only told his dad that because they got into a huge fight that almost got physical.

I mostly was quiet. I had a shirt over my face to stop from crying. I tried getting off the phone about 2823472 times and he was like wait I'm not done.

I just said okay, I will talk to my mom again. What will we do if she says no? He said he will just move back into the house with me and the kids and we will figure out how to be together but separated. Maybe sleep in different rooms. He doesn't want to live together but if it's a last resort he won't make me leave with the kids. I kinda saw that as good because then MAYBE I can show him how different I am? Maybe. I don't know.

I feel like my world is crumbling down around me. I finally was like I need to get off the phone,I'm not in the mood to talk about this, I don't want to cry on the phone and I will talk to you another day.

He ended the call with why won't you talk to me? Why won't you tell me what is going on in your head(I'M A HUGE TALKER.) I am still here for you and want to know you are okay. I am still here for you sweetie.

I said I am going to be FINE, plus I don't think running to the man who is leaving you is the best place to turn for comfort now is it?

He said I just want you to know I want to be here for you, I always will be.

I said bye and hung up. Now i'm ballin my eyes out.


Me:24 H:26
T:7yrs M:4yrs
S:4 D:5
ILYBNILWY 12/5
PA Confirmed 2/19


Rednail #2650576 02/06/16 08:49 AM
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You don't have to leave. He left you and his family. It is not your problem if he can't stay where he ran to. Speak to your L again about your right to stay in the house he left. I've been reading up on your sitch, just not posting much. You have a lot of support here, but even better....you have a lot going for you.


M-51 H-54
2D-27 and 25
M-26 yrs
Bombshell and IHS 7-29-15
He moved out 10-3-15
D filed 1-27-16
D final 10-27-16

Kindness, kindness, kindness.
ciluzen #2650616 02/06/16 11:49 AM
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The L said to stay and not go anywhere-called his cell. He said LIE if I have to but don't leave until he files or until it's final because why should he have it easy and me suffer more then I need to. I am okay now, no longer crying but I feel empty. I almost want to just go file myself to be done with this pain but I know it's my feelings talking and not my brain.


Me:24 H:26
T:7yrs M:4yrs
S:4 D:5
ILYBNILWY 12/5
PA Confirmed 2/19


Rednail #2650624 02/06/16 12:14 PM
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Yep. Those darn feelings. Gettin' in the way of our ability to get S#%t done for ourselves. Sorry to date myself, but Pat Benatar said "Love is a Battlefield"...she wasn't kidding. You are fighting to keep it going, or fighting to just keep it.


M-51 H-54
2D-27 and 25
M-26 yrs
Bombshell and IHS 7-29-15
He moved out 10-3-15
D filed 1-27-16
D final 10-27-16

Kindness, kindness, kindness.
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