Time for a new direction

[mleigh4]

Hi Job. Thank you, I had a very nice weekend.

Hi Lou. I too find it interesting that they seem to go full circle and realize the new look and activities are not for them. Yet, they remain baking for so long after. Why is it that the realization that family is home takes so much longer??!! Very frustrating.

Hi Bright. My H also got very uncomfortable when I walked in on his grooming. It got to a point where I avoided the room all together if he was in there. I have been thinking about the travel situation. They have those travel groups, might be a good option to look into for us? We could probably meet some nice new people that way. As for sitting quiet, I try, I really do. And while I am doing it, I always feel more at peace, but it never seems to last long with me!

So, dropped off S to H last night. I brought my girlfriend along with me as we were going do do some shopping together. As we pull up, H is pulling the stove he took from here out of his trailer. We all chatted, then H told S, let's go, we need to get this thing in so I can make dinner. Friend and I said our goodbyes and left. About 5 minutes later, I realized we did not offer to help H get the stove in the house. Here I was more concerned, thinking to myself, about how long it would be before S got dinner! I felt terrible! So I TM H an apology and let him know we were around the corner if he needed us. We joked back and forth, he gave me a hard time, but said he got it. I had a great time shopping with friend with dinner after.

Today I had a termite inspector come out! It's not pretty, but not as bad as I feared. When I came home to meet the guy, H had come earlier that morning to leave S laptop like normal, but he also left out his water boots and some work overalls, right in the middle of the garage floor. Not sure where the stuff came from or why he left it there? I have put away and packed all his things in the garage, like he suggested, maybe he doesn't like that and is marking his territory!? Lol. It's not the first time, he has done this a few times in the last few months. I replaced his things with my things! A motley crue sticker from high school, my old licence plate frame from my black crx I had in the 90's that said "back in black", my old Harley helmet. I guess I am marking my territory too!!

So I got the report and TM H, twice, what was happening and that the reports are on the email if he wants to see them. Crickets. He has been hounding me about the termites, worried about the damage, then crickets? I almost sense something is amiss....like I did something to tick him off...but not sure what...

Oh well, mildly annoyed, but don't really care. Made dinner for S and his buddy tonight and enjoying having him home tonight. For some reason I really missed him this morning! To feel better, dog and I went for a mile walk in the rain. We went a little further up the hill than normal, and when we turned around to walk back down, we had a beautiful view of the city lights. It brought a huge smile to my face, such simple pleasures sometimes!

[job]

I'm glad you had the termite inspector come out. Those little devils can do a lot of damage in short order. Hopefully the estimate will not put a huge dent in your wallet.

About the crickets you are receiving from your H. There are going to be times when they do not respond. As I explained on Bright's thread, they can only focus on one thing at a time. If something is more interesting or involves them being in the here and now, they may not even look at their messages for a couple of days. He's not mad at you, but he's off focusing on something else. Keep your expectations at a very low level.

Continue as you have been and enjoy the time you spend w/your son, fur babies and friends. Stay positive!

[mleigh4]

Thanks Job. I always love your feedback. My son and fur babies are my world Don't worry, my expectations from H are very low. I am just getting tired of accepting that, as I know I deserve much better, MLC or not....

Very busy busy!! And still going for next week and further. This week I had something every night. Next week I scheduled my truck inspection, to drive to Socal, and a 2nd termite inspection. I have a work business meeting scheduled too. I am going wine barrel tasting with friends tomorrow, while S is with H, should be really fun. Sunday is work out walk day with friend.

I went to my friends funeral on Thursday. She was 44 years old. Her H looks to be in a total state of shock. He got up and spoke of her, in tears, it was heartbreaking and clear how much he loved her. I couldn't help but think, what would H be like if I suddenly passed? Celebrating his full freedom I'm sure. Well, maybe not that bad, but he does not love me as I deserve to be loved....it was eye opening. My friend will be very missed, her 6 year old daughter has her eyes. I cried that I was not there for her in the end, as she was a great friend to me during a rough time in my life. Her death remains a mystery, but based on what people said, something was not right in the end. I vow to be a better friend, to let them know how much I love them and to make time.

H finally responded to the termite inspection last night. He TM me today checking that I am ok to cover his days with S in April if he goes on business trip with his boss, during his birthday weekend. I told him no problem, that S and I have the same week off for spring break. I told him congrats on the offer, that it will be a great experience for him. I added that S and I are leaving in a week for Socal, are you coming? If not, can you watch dog? Crickets....

So so tired of the crickets.....

Knowing I am reaching out, last resort, as I am feeling very close to the finish line.

My mom called my work twice the other day. I was at the funeral. I sent her an email, saying I got her messages. I told her I need time and space right now, that it's best she respect that while my full focus right now is on S, me and my home.

FIL TM today that he saw a pic of S, his hair is getting long, asked if he can take him to his barber? Sigh. S likes his hair long, I have so much animosity towards in-laws, wish they would direct their attention on their own kids.....at first I took it as an insult, like I can't take care of my kid. I do everything for him, buy clothes, shoes, school projects, never get a single compliment from these people while I am taking care of business while their son is in la la land...you guys all know, my life revolves around him. But a co-worker really helped me to change my perception of his TM, he was just offering to help. As I have learned, I can't change anyone but me, so my reaction to my in-laws is a huge goal on my list. I replied that his hair is fine, he has a lady in town he likes. However, In the future, I think best to DELETE. They can bug H, not me. Meanwhile, I picked up S today, bangs trimmed, thanks to Grammy. Now his hair looks funny.

In spite of a bit of a downer week, I am feeling upbeat and positive. I continue to exercise daily and feel great. I also have decided to test recipes on my co-workers. I started today with a roasted eggplant dip that they devoured. Lol.

I am realizing that life is what you make it. We have our ups and downs, it's how you handle them that matters. After a lifetime of reacting based on emotion, I feel I am finally learning how to take a deep breath and stay calm and peaceful. It's hard for me, very hard!, but it's who I strive to be. I get hit with tests, over and over. Sometimes I continue to fail, but I am beginning to see clearer the person I strive to be. I continue to grow, learn and change. It's a very challenging experience!

Wishing you all a great weekend!

[Butterc]

Mleigh you are freaking awesome. I devour everything you say and am able to learn so much from the way you handle your ups and downs with grace to your PMA with hiccups in the road.

You sound very grounded and strong. What a great example you are! TY and hugs

[job]

I think you are doing great! Now, about your son's hair, I would advise both FIL and MIL that you will decide when your son needs his haircut and that you have a wonderful lady in town that does his hair. State that you have appreciated their assistance, but when it comes to your son and getting his haircut, you will take care of that. Granny overstepped herself (again) by cutting his bangs. You really do need to set some boundaries w/your MIL.

As for h, if you don't hear back from him, have a plan B put in place for your fur babies.

Enjoy your weekend!

[mleigh4]

Hi Butter, you brought a huge smile to my face. Thank you so much for the compliments. My anger tends to get the best of me, but I am coming along, still have a ways to go. I am actually a very nice person, but when I feel wronged, watch out! I am feeling pretty grounded, I am feeling more and more in control. That helps a lot.

Hi Job, thank you for remembering this is not the first time Grammy has gotten to S hair. It would be one thing if she knew how to cut hair, she doesn't. Now he has short bangs and long hair, it does not look right. I sent her a message, that once again and for at least the fifth time, I am reminding her it is not her place to cut S hair. I told her it looks worse than it did and that either H or I will handle having it properly cut. I guess I didn't word it quite as nicely as you. It's too bad, we had actually been getting along.

Did I mention her husband text me a couple of weeks ago? Out of the blue. I have not talked to him or seen him in over 2 years. He said no one tells him anything and wanted to know how things were going. Asked to meet for lunch. Last time we did that, I listened to him complain about MIL for an hour. I guess that is what he gets for sniffing around a married woman with a family, the grass isn't greener, huh? I just responded hello, hope all is well, S and I are great, and left it at that.

I wish they all would leave me alone. Hopefully as S gets older it will fade. H has no idea how lucky he is that he has no in-laws bothering him.

I forgot to mention, I am cutting the cord on cable! I ordered the Amazon fire tv box, and S and I will be living off of watching tv from apps, Netflix and hulu. It will save me about $100 a month! I am pretty excited. My box is coming tomorrow, I hope it all works out like I think it will. Has anyone done this? Let me know how you like it!

Off to getting S cleaned up for H. I have coupons for haircut, going to ask H if he can take him to fix it. I am very much looking forward to spending the day with my friends. We are getting a beautiful spring like break from the rain here in Cali

[Sotto]

Hi MLeigh, I think you are right to put MIL straight - even if she thinks his hair should be cut, it's not her place to just go on and do it.

Good for you with the TV box - that's a lot of cash to save. I have a box and I tend to only watch catch up TV, and mostly BBC, which has no adverts. It's surprising how intolerant of ads I have become now, just through not watching them! Hope you guys enjoy your new set up.

Xx

[job]

Mleigh,
A question that you may or may not have the answer to...is your MIL passive-aggressive? The reason I ask is could she have clipped your son's bangs that short to get you to actually cut your son's hair, i.e., like now?

I don't think an email or a text message is going to do the trick. You will need to face her and look her in the eye and advise her that your son is your son and that you will determine when he needs a haircut, not her or your FIL. Sometimes you have to face them and verbally state your position on such things. If you don't, she'll just ignore the written word and go on about her business until next time.

In fact, if I were in your shoes, I would have to point out that since this has happened, you may have to think about allowing your son to visit w/a parent being present in the future. That might shake the old gal up a bit and give her something to think about the next time she picks up the scissors.

[BrightFuture]

Hey mleigh, isn’t it interesting that we posted about these darn “crickets” at the same time. It does confuse me every time when I do not get a response to very simple things, especially after him asking the questions first. But, like job said, they can only concentrate on one thing.

I’m so sorry about your friend. My heart goes to her daughter, she is so young to lose a mother.

I used to tell H when we had arguments that if I die, he would not be too upset about it. He used to just give me an anger look, but didn’t say anything. Now, I can imagine that it was probably true and it was how he felt back then. It was probably a couple of years prior to BD.

Mleigh, you are doing absolutely great! I love reading your posts. You have such an insight into things and you describe your feelings so clearly. I see a lot of similarities in how I feel too, but you can put it in writing so nicely. Have a great weekend, GAL Quinn!

[HaWho]

Hi Mleigh - just caught up and though I am late to the party, I ditto what all others have already said. You are strong woman and I always enjoy reading your posts! A lot of your feelings resonate with me, too.

As for your MIL cutting your son's hair, wow, talk about a brazen woman! Just want to add one more thing: kids do come to a point where they want to look a certain way and it is important to them. She should honor his boundaries as well. as yours. He is nowhere near a toddler anymore.

Perhaps you should grab some scissors and tell her you and your son will now cut her hair. I assume that would be unacceptable and weird.

All joking aside your son deserves to wear his hair the way he wants; it's important for his identity development. She's a piece of work.