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Bex - You have to take your focus off OW and H and put it on yourself.

Dont look at her photos again, dont think about her, if it wasnt her it would probably be another woman.

Whenever a wave of emotion comes crashing over you, think exactly that, its a wave, your in the ocean, the wave crashes, it goes past, and your still ok, your feet are grounded and you can breathe.

It sounds naff but it works. My WAW sent a solicitors letter to me last week, giving her intention to seek D - but im lucky I don't have OM in the picture. For 3 months I suspected an EA and was paranoid about her whereabouts, whenever she was late home, whenever she went out with the girls and didnt put FB selfies up - my mind went into overdrive.

Now I just shut it out and turn the focus on me - what will I do in the next 3 hours, the next day, the next week - I make lists, lots of them and tick off the jobs I am doing or have done.

Lists about work, lists about stuff to do at home, plans for holidays with the kids without W.

You are a single parent now - hard to swallow but true - for now.

Tell me what you are doing for you? Half Term?, Easter? - make plans for you and the kids.Visiting family, playing with the kids, rekindling old friendships? You can drive? Yes

Tell us about you

and Check the Single Parent Travel Club on FB.


Me49 W45
T15 M13
S11 S8
BD 11/15/11 & 3/27/12
Moved out 4/9/12 Moved back 4/23/12
W working on US 5/20/12 Now Piecing!
May-Oct14 drifting
Dec 14 W agrees to more QT
BD Oct15 ILYBINILWY
W filed 1/25/16
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Originally Posted By: isittoolate
Bex - You have to take your focus off OW and H and put it on yourself.

Dont look at her photos again, dont think about her, if it wasnt her it would probably be another woman.

Whenever a wave of emotion comes crashing over you, think exactly that, its a wave, your in the ocean, the wave crashes, it goes past, and your still ok, your feet are grounded and you can breathe.

It sounds naff but it works. My WAW sent a solicitors letter to me last week, giving her intention to seek D - but im lucky I don't have OM in the picture. For 3 months I suspected an EA and was paranoid about her whereabouts, whenever she was late home, whenever she went out with the girls and didnt put FB selfies up - my mind went into overdrive.

Now I just shut it out and turn the focus on me - what will I do in the next 3 hours, the next day, the next week - I make lists, lots of them and tick off the jobs I am doing or have done.

Lists about work, lists about stuff to do at home, plans for holidays with the kids without W.

You are a single parent now - hard to swallow but true - for now.

Tell me what you are doing for you? Half Term?, Easter? - make plans for you and the kids.Visiting family, playing with the kids, rekindling old friendships? You can drive? Yes

Tell us about you

and Check the Single Parent Travel Club on FB.



So sorry that your wife wants a divorce, that day would be very very upsetting for you- are you alright? Will you just sign the papers? Bless you- sending you big hugs.

Yes it is like a wave isn't it? I'm over that now, it just hurts like hell knowing he's with her, it's just the ultimate betrayal and so so painful to be on the receiving end of! He just treats me like some sort of business acquaintance at best as if I never meant anything to him- hasn't even apologised at all to me. It's just awful.

But yes I'm finally starting to accept that I am a single parent and I am enjoying my time with the kids and totally appreciate what I've got and what he's chosen to miss out on- these times are so special with the kids as they're so young, thanks for the single parent face book tip, I'll check it out.


Me 35 H 38
Married 4 years together 13 years
Affair started sept 2015
BD 15th Nov 2015- husband left that night
son age 3 daughter age 1
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Hi Bex, just a tought I had if H says sorry it means that he was wrong in what he did/ still does. I'm nearly a year into it and still no real sorry. If they were to say sorry it'd mean that they'd have to face what they have done, it'd mean for them to admit that they were wrong. They aren't ready for that and they might never be. I have given hope for a sorry. Even if I had it, it'd not bring STBXH back.

I know it's hard. Just keep doing what you are doing and in a couple of years you'll look back and see that it was hard and at the same time you have become a better you.

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Hi Rouky


Yeah you're right and it's just awful isn't it? It's not apologising for breaking up its apologising for treating someone like total dirt, anyway You're right, we may never hear it.

How are you 1 year along? Do you feel stronger?


Me 35 H 38
Married 4 years together 13 years
Affair started sept 2015
BD 15th Nov 2015- husband left that night
son age 3 daughter age 1
Joined: Jun 2015
Posts: 1,432
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I do feel stronger. Not fully strong but I have a lot more happier days than sad ones. I'm slowly learning that I haven't made the choice of cheating and this one is on STBXH. Looking back I'm glad I didn't go against my values, and that when I pass away, I'll be able to look back on my life and say my M wasn't perfect, I didn't listen to STBXH but at least I never disrespected my OH and I stayed true to my values.

Not much comfort for you at the moment, I know! Later on you will realise this. Look after yourself and your little ones as at the moment you are their rock and they need their mummy.

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Hi Rusky

I already feel like most of those things already- this is totally on him. He cheated, not me. I do not blame myself, yes we had issues but nothing excuses this behaviour . Do you have children? It's so tough for them asking me where daddy is when is he coming home? 😢He does see them regularly but obviously it's not the same! Anyway they are what is getting me through too, I've got to! It just also makes what he has done so much worse, our daughter was 7 months old when he started his affair and 9 months old when he left, just despicable


Me 35 H 38
Married 4 years together 13 years
Affair started sept 2015
BD 15th Nov 2015- husband left that night
son age 3 daughter age 1
Joined: Jan 2016
Posts: 49
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Bex Offline OP
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I've just checked his emails (I know I shouldn't do it) and seen that he's applied to work on the oil rigs- that is so random! It's just another sign that his thinking is so erratic at the moment! Man I literally could not predict his next move honestly - am i reading too much into it that this girl can't mean too much to him if he's planning on going off shore?? I wouldn't be happy if my new boyfriend told me that- he is just making so many big random decisions all the time

Anyway obviously I won't mention it to him as I don't want him to knowing checking his emails but his behaviour is so random I can't get my head around it!


Me 35 H 38
Married 4 years together 13 years
Affair started sept 2015
BD 15th Nov 2015- husband left that night
son age 3 daughter age 1
Joined: Jan 2016
Posts: 49
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Also I've been asked out for a drink by a really nice man- should I go?im totally not in a place where I want to meet anyone else yet but then I think why not? If i tell him it's just as friends?


Me 35 H 38
Married 4 years together 13 years
Affair started sept 2015
BD 15th Nov 2015- husband left that night
son age 3 daughter age 1
Joined: Jan 2016
Posts: 49
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Bex Offline OP
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Do you guys believe in affair fog? I feel like my husband has literally changed all of his values and take on the world, he literally thinks his relationship with the kids will be change at all, he now believes that he never resented his dad for doing the same thing to his mum, he thinks where he has moved to now is a lovely area (he spent his entire life saying it's an awful place and it is!) we've been unhappy for years.. The list just goes on and on and on.,. It's like he s had a u turn in all of his values and opinions!


Me 35 H 38
Married 4 years together 13 years
Affair started sept 2015
BD 15th Nov 2015- husband left that night
son age 3 daughter age 1
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