Need help. Threading water, must learn to swim.

[G8r]

Ugggg.... Weekends are the toughest for me. How do I push my heart aside and let my WW go? She gets angrier by the week. Tells me that I'm staying in the house only to torture her. I've never cared for her or loved her. That I only stay with her because I'm comfortable.

Where has my W gone and who/what has possessed her? She's even decided that our pets our disposable so that she can get me out of our house. I sort of want to move out to get away from her but I've heard people on here say it's not a good idea and the L to whom I spoke confirmed. I'm very confused to the point of paralysis. I'm just so down because my WW thinks I have never loved her, I'm only after her because she provides me comfort. Although she has said that she would consider returning to our relationship in 5 to 10 years, that is no longer on the table because I won't leave the house.

I readily admit that our sex life was extremely poor because of me but there is no possibility of a 180 on that given her refusal to let me touch her. Interestingly, she got extremely upset when I did a 180 on this shortly after BD. To her, it showed her that I never cared. To her, the only reason I did something is because there was competition and I don't like to lose. I don't see my M as a game.

In short, my 2 biggest problems were a lack of sexual intimacy and I stopped talking to her last summer when I got depressed trying to find a job. How do you 180 that?

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2639053#Post2639053

[G8r]

Need help. WW is being nice and wants us to talk about finances and splitting bills for this month. I know I have to do this. How do I do it with a smile on my face? I'm dying inside and I just want to crawl in a whole and hide.

[otw]

Bud
Put that game face on. Business time. You can not look at her like you used to. She is someone trying to ruin you right now. Never show your hand or lack of. Be polite but fair. Don't give too much and don't be a dick.

On another note about the 180's. Don't get discouraged. Do them if you feel they are right and how you want to be. Then be consistent. If you flip flop then she knows you are just trying to get her back.

Good luck

[Thornton]

Envision her a business associate. Try to emotionally detach and show strength. This is a simple business transaction, nothing more.

It's hard to do but you'll be surprised that it does work.

[G8r]

Thank you for the support otw and Thornton. I hear you about putting the game face on and treating it like a business transaction. Easier said than done for me but I will continue to try.

Think WW could sense my sadness last night. She asked what's wrong and followed up asking if I wanted to talk. Although I wanted to talk, I told her no thanks because all I wanted to say was how much I love, value and appreciate her. She replied cryptic. Sorry, thought we were finally having some nights of sanity. Forgot I'm not supposed to care. I responded that I enjoyed talking with her earlier in the evening and validated her as a mom since she spent the evening comforting our sick D3 and dropped conversation.

Did I do ok by avoiding relationship talk or did I miss an opportunity???

[rich4j]

It's hard and i am in similar shoes.

Right now you have to do what others are saying and make it like a business transaction.

I am doing the same thing. She wants me out but my L said stay put.....for now until we have everything in writing, custody, etc...resolved I am hoping things change during the time but its just getting rougher

I would put on your game face and smile....I know how hard this is...you just want to say "I know where things went wrong, lets give it a chance and work on this.." Which I think should be the path but sounds like she is going dark and fast down the other path (she must know my WAW)

Its not easy and I am not sure about the 180 thing. I am reading and trying it and I don't see how this will help either but....no real other path to take that has worked right?

[G8r]

I hear you rich4j. Spoke to WW a little about finances today. She brought up relationship and I admitted faults and affirmed her feelings. At one point she mentioned that she really didn't want a divorce and started crying enough that she ran to the bathroom to compose herself. I'll take it for what it's worth, the time tiniest of steps because she's afraid of my driving (that scares her when D3 is with me) and divorce is still on (she thought I was served the other night). Nevertheless the last 3 days seem like a small amount of progress - no arguing.

I'll note for the record that her driving scares the bejeezus out of me as well.

[Tyler12]

Hey G8R. Just stopping in to catch up and see how things are going.
W may be getting upset because reality is setting in a bit, just remember actions before words.
Sounds like you are dealing with a lot and standing your ground. It''s not easy to stand up and speak your mind and hold your ground like you have been. It is hard for me too, when you do it tho it feels good after, good having some self respect and self worth come back to yourself.

[G8r]

Thanks Tyler12. Although my WW is still pushing for D, I'm still standing my ground, you're right. Difference is that I'm talking about it less and less. She knows exactly how I feel.

The past week has been the best in a long time. Our last argument was last Sunday. She got upset because I told her the D was solely her choice and I'm getting better at ignoring her spew (but not her) and walking away when I need to in order to avoid arguing. Even last Sunday, I didn't really argue with her. Just reiterated one time that it was her choice Nad dropped the topic like it was hot.

I sent to a support group for separated and divorced people at the church on Thursday. Almost didn't go because WW opened up to me a bit so I listened and validated. Probably the 1st time I was able to do that without mentioning hope for a future together. Interestingly, WW thought I was going out on another date. Nope, not even thinking about dating but I'm not going to correct her. She'll think what she wants no matter what I say.

Had a good time playing trivia with friends last night.

So fsr, so good today. Will be going to Disney on Ice in just a bit with D3 and WW. Here's my chance to shine, to show her that I'm a husband and father that only a fool would leave.

[sandi2]

Need help. WW is being nice and wants us to talk about finances and splitting bills for this month. I know I have to do this. How do I do it with a smile on my face? I'm dying inside and I just want to crawl in a whole and hide.

Don't misinterpret her niceness to be anything other than manipulation.

LBH'S are the softest group of live bodies I have ever seen. I suppose it's b/c they still have feelings for their WW and continue looking for the tiniest sign that the old W is showing through this horrible woman who has taken her place. So, when she changes her act from a witch to being nice, he falls for it, and her plan works. He melts into a puddle and she walks away with what she wants, leaving him bare.