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#2649938 02/04/16 05:34 AM
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Ive had a couple people tell me to start a new thread so here it is.

I woke up with anxiety today. I have felt pretty decent not seeing the WAH since monday. I know I will see him today and have a mix of butterflies and wanting to vomit from stress.

I am hoping today goes good. I hope he calls-texts before he comes over because I need to get some house stuff done before I can leave and I dont want to spend a bunch of time at the house like always. Trying to 180 how much time we spend together and 180 the love.

Some days its 10-12 plus hours together like a happy family. Hugs, flirting, chasing me around,picking me up, kissing on me. I thought it was good progress until he told me it meant nothing, he just wants to be friends and even told his parents we are getting a D. It is going to SUCK for me inside to have to put my bubble up and boundaries.

I cant be his best friend and wife if he still wants the D and tells people now we are getting one. Wish me luck, I will need it really bad.

Xoxo rednail


Me:24 H:26
T:7yrs M:4yrs
S:4 D:5
ILYBNILWY 12/5
PA Confirmed 2/19


Rednail #2649941 02/04/16 05:41 AM
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Previous Thread:

Hello-My Situation


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
job #2649969 02/04/16 07:25 AM
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Yes, it is attractive. Remember the Pursuer-Distancer principle? When you are strong, distanced, and confident, it's like throwing a bucket of fish into the shark tank. Being light, breezy, mysterious, full of PMA, and moving moves you back to the central you, who is an attractive, beautiful woman that deserves time and attention.

Were you a mopey, blubbering mess when you started dating your husband? Is that what attracted him to you? What did?

Quote:
have to put my bubble up and boundaries.
Yes. No matter how hard it is. There were many times where my W and I were together during the exchanges of S6, even when we started to reconcile. Most of those I was a hot mess inside, but she never caught it from the bubble I learned to erect around myself, and she complimented me many times on how strong and together I seemed.


M: 8.5 T:10
Me:37 W:34 S:6

Retrouvaille and W moves back- 7/31/15
Piecing - 7/4/15 to present
Squiggy #2649988 02/04/16 08:29 AM
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Originally Posted By: Squiggy
Being light, breezy, mysterious, full of PMA, and moving moves you back to the central you, who is an attractive, beautiful woman that deserves time and attention.

Were you a mopey, blubbering mess when you started dating your husband? Is that what attracted him to you? What did?


I was strong, confident(almost cocky), and always KNEW I didnt need a guy to make me happy which is why I was always turning people down to date.I had goals and ambitions. When we first started dating I would tell him, Im sorry but you have to work for this. I'm never going to date you so you might as well give up. He tells everyong the b* in me made him want me. I kinda turned into a soft ball of mush after my kids though haha I did a full 180 from my old self. Now I have to 180 back to strong, sexy, confident me.

Today has been HARD but EASY.

Hard part: He was at my house when I got here. I decided that I'm going to treat my house as if he just lived here like separated but living together type situation because he seems to spend half or more of his time here and we do share the house when he has the kids I leave, and when I have the kids he leaves, and some days like today he shows up and will be here 24 hrs or more. Its so weird.

Easy: Boundaries surprisingly. I walked in, got some water, grabbed some laundry to fold and went to my room. After a while he came to lay on our bed and I ignored him. He just stared at me while I was in STFU mode. I'M A HUGE TALKER. Everyone says I talk to much..my whole family. My friends. Everyone lol. So that was a 180 from me. He left the room then came back and asked me about my classes I'm taking on monday. I was polite and answered his questions with a smile.

Him: So you class starts monday or was it tuesday?

DB Me: Yes, it starts monday.* keep folding clothes*

Old me: yes it starts monday at 9-12, it is suppose to be 9-1 but because D5 is in prek they let me switch my hours and then I can make up the time later it is at x address and I have to make sure I wear closed toed shoes and it is from monday- thursday. And then next wednesday my mom will watch S3 so I can make up my hours for school. I should be able to get x to watch s3 on monday and y to watch him wednesday and z to watch him thursday and the class costs x amount and then I need to do a,b,c after that to get my state license and then I plan to apply here, here,and here. Blah blah blah blah..10 minutes later. But yeah it starts monday. ( literally what my head was wanting to say haha I had to STFU and tell it to myself in my head.)

He left to run errands and I said Ok and kept doing my laundry. I feel like I can relax a bit now that he left. Trying to hurry up and finish my to do list I had before he decided to show up. Laundry. Pack for tonight. Go over income taxes. Goal to leave by 1ish when the kids nap vs my normal 7-8 pm at night.

I'm venting here so A- I dont kill my friends with the boring details of my life B- I can keep being strong today, at least on the outside.


Me:24 H:26
T:7yrs M:4yrs
S:4 D:5
ILYBNILWY 12/5
PA Confirmed 2/19


Rednail #2649995 02/04/16 08:56 AM
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Strong, sexy, confident you. Make it your mantra. He had to work to earn your affection. It should have always been that way. I read here a couple days ago from someone that if you ever feel like you don't have to earn your spouse's love, you are headed towards disaster (not exact quote but close enough).

My wife in mom mode makes me feel warm and fuzzy. My wife in woman mode revs my engine.

Much better on pulling back some from him. See if it works. If conversation was something that brought you two close, then him not getting that part of you should, hopefully, get him to start missing it.

Vent away all day. Worst you'll have to do is start a new thread smile


M: 8.5 T:10
Me:37 W:34 S:6

Retrouvaille and W moves back- 7/31/15
Piecing - 7/4/15 to present
Squiggy #2650008 02/04/16 09:36 AM
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Squiggy- Yeah, that makes 100% sense to me about that quote. It really is pretty true. Well I know he loves me in mommy mode..but I need his engine to rev, that is what we don't have anymore. I got the whole I love you as the mother of the kids and always will, just not in love.

He just called to ask me permission to go to his friends house for a few hours before coming back to the house. That confuses me. I don't know why he asks me.

I just said of course, have fun. I wasn't sure what to say. I know his friend, he is a great guy. Youth pastor-officer. I like him.

He stopped by the house 5 mins after the call for 2-3 mins to drop of d3 a gingerale for his belly and when I bent over to pick his toy off the floor WAH smacked my behind real hard and was out the door laughing before I could even react.

I'm confused. I actually have no idea if I should tell him not to do that but I would have to call or text..or wait a few hours to. Do I let it go?
The man has me confused now.


Me:24 H:26
T:7yrs M:4yrs
S:4 D:5
ILYBNILWY 12/5
PA Confirmed 2/19


Rednail #2650022 02/04/16 10:23 AM
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That is your decision on whether or not you want to place/enforce a boundary there. Does it move you forward or hold you back? Can you handle it? Does it feel awkward or bother you? Would it be ok if a male friend did it to you?

Last I saw he still wants to D and move on from each other. In my mind that means no more hanky panky. Can't have your cake and eat it too, right? This is just my opinion and some things to think through so you can make the best decision for you. If you choose to tell him, pick the format where you can best come from a place of strength without leaving any doubt as to your seriousness.


M: 8.5 T:10
Me:37 W:34 S:6

Retrouvaille and W moves back- 7/31/15
Piecing - 7/4/15 to present
Squiggy #2650029 02/04/16 11:02 AM
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I dont like it because it gives me mixed signals. It makes me feel like he wants me..but Last week when I didnt enforce my boundaries he would kiss, snuggle, hug etc making me think he was coming home just to tell me again he wants the D. Told his parents its def. happening too. He told me he wouldn't do it anymore on Saturday but he isn't doing a very good job of not touching me.

I was thinking of saying something like..I do not appreciate you smacking my butt, since you said you just want to be friends. It gives me mixed signals and I dont let any other guy smack my butt.

I dont know. I'm having trouble with wording if anyone has suggestions.


Me:24 H:26
T:7yrs M:4yrs
S:4 D:5
ILYBNILWY 12/5
PA Confirmed 2/19


Rednail #2650049 02/04/16 12:04 PM
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It's a great start on setting a boundary. Remember that the format is similar to "If you ...., then .... will happen." HERE is Wonka's very good and useful cheat sheet for boundaries. I referred to it many, many times to help me establish and enforce boundaries.


M: 8.5 T:10
Me:37 W:34 S:6

Retrouvaille and W moves back- 7/31/15
Piecing - 7/4/15 to present
Squiggy #2650101 02/04/16 04:28 PM
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Well..I told him if you continue to smack my butt and not treat me as a friend then I'm not going to allow you over and we will have set pick up and drop of schedule. His response but youre my wife. My face : 😔 I didn't know what to say. I just walked away.

He texted me to let me know he was at his friends, when he was coming home..its been WEIRD. He made comments like why are you so grouchy. I was like I'm not with a smile. (I'm just not loving,flirting, or anything)

He gave me a hug when I left. At first we didnt because I left and then I had to turn back around and go home and he brought me something to my car so my s3 and d5 wouldnt cry again that i was leaving and he hugged me after he handed me my stuff. Then said have fun doing whatever you are doing tonight and walked away.

MY. HEAD. HURTS. trying not to mind read at all..but what the heck was today. It is EXACTLY 100% what a normal married day would be. I dont get it.

He asked when I will be home tomorrow. I said I dont know.

I feel confused. Emotional. I want to go home and snuggle. 😔


Me:24 H:26
T:7yrs M:4yrs
S:4 D:5
ILYBNILWY 12/5
PA Confirmed 2/19


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