In house S (6)

[vise82]

Hey,

Weekend was bitter sweet. We spent the whole weekend together like a family except for when I had Dog training class. We set up the new foster pets and we played with them as a family. We even picked up a used bigger cage for the rodents. We watched a Disney movie relating to the pets.

We did the hotdogs and shopping for groceries. It was to me normal. We didn't talk much but we have been together for so long that is how its always been, we just get stuff done together and work well and do things together with out much talking.

The next day we planned to go see a kid movie at the theater. W idea. I didn't go to soccer partly so I could spend time with the family and to give my ankle time to heal. We played with the new pets again and then I had dog training. We left after that to see the movie. Kids sat between us at the movie. It was ok , kid acted up a couple of times but good over all.

On the way home the kids fell asleep and wife talks to me about this weekend. She is taking the kids to her cousins for an over night visit for a kid birthday party on the Saturday then on the sunday on the way home she will stop at her parents for dinner. So I wont see the kids much the whole weekend.



I wanted to say something like really, I am good enough to go to the movies with but not good enough to go to her cousins for the visit? I took a STFU smoothie and just said ok.

We get home and I said I was going to walk the dog and if anyone wanted to go it with they can, the whole family went. During he walk I just asked if W if it was just her going to the visit, she said yeah I guess so. Again it was quiet between us, and she even was walking a head of me. A couple of times she looked back to say something to me, so I moved faster to walk with her. I had the dog and he was slowing me down as I had to correct him as we walked.

This will be the first night she has had the kids overnight with out me. I think I will just let it happen even though I feel sad about it.

There has been no talk of moving or houses right now, she has been focoused on these new foster pets and setting them up and giving them food and play time. I also found out from her that because she was making a play for more money at work her relationship between her boss has suffered. I knew that was going to happen. Her sense of entitlement there is high.

As you can imaging this is very hard for me right now as I am getting this interaction from W, but no verbal indication of wanting to work on the MR. I think our last talk had me saying that I cant agree to sell the house unless she can tell me where she is moving to. She was saying she doesn't know where she is moving till the house sell and she know how much money she has to buy.

I am seeing a lawyer today. Hopefully that will give me more info.

[otw]

Vise
All i can do is offer support. It was the same way in the house all the way tie the day W left. we did a lot together with kids. Towards the end I started trying to separate things. I will update my post soon as well, but just know it isn't the end when they leave. there is always time.

We just have to try and take care of ourselves. I was doing this in a way that I don't think was correct and trying to straighten that ship now.

[vise82]

Hey,

My youngest is having tooth problems and my W asked me to help and call the dentist to get an appointment. So I did.

This is new as she usually does all that stuff. Its new that she asks me to help as in the past she expected me to just ask her if she needed help.

I told her recently that if she needed help with anything she needs to ask as I am not going to baby her.

So I have an appointment to take both kids to the dentist myself. This is a change as I was terrified to do that when they were younger. I lost one of them at Toys R us for what felt like an hour and I lost confidence in myself as far as looking after them on my own. But now since S I have done it a lot and its no problem. I have grown a lot in that department. I take both kids out many times by myself.

Also the new neighbors told me and W that the gay neighbor showed up at their house with wine and visited with them for a couple of hours. I was thinking that's good stay away from my family !

Its turning out good that I am talking to my old friend again, it another person to talk to right now.

[gs9]

Hey Vise,
I would guess most of us have lost a child in a dept store before. I've done it and I remember being the lost kid one time too. Don't let it get to you.

You're doing great. Keep plugging along. One day at a time.

[vise82]

Hey,

I seen the lawyer. Basically told to wait till W gets a lawyer before I agree to anything. Then I can start with my Lawyer to put together a financial disclosure, then start putting together
a separation agreement, W would do the same with her lawyer and we see how close we are on what each other wants based on what a judge would agree to.

W wont be happy as this will eat some of the money we have and it will be less money for her to use to move. Lawyer said think long term on this do it right and it will be no chance of her coming back to get more from me. Also this way my rights will be protected and W will not be able to use her control on me to get what she wants.

I don't know what W is thinking, S is a big deal, it costs money to do it right. The laws are there to protect us. Its not like dating someone and you break up with them.

At the beginning her parents tried to tell her this. She didn't listen, she thinks she can just walk away and we will be better for it. I think she is ignoring the hard truth that separation is going to cost us money. Money used to protect both of us and the kids and to do it the right way. Plus each step of the way the lawyer will be giving the information to make the best decisions that need to be made.

[vise82]

hey ,

I saw a wedding invitation addressed to my wife in her maiden name today. I know other poster here have mentioned when they first see it so I thought I would too. Its for her cousins wedding that will be almost a year from now. At first I didn't even notice. That is just how I see her. When I do see she has the same last name as me I sometimes feel like she is my sister. I come from a big family so maybe that's why I see that.


W brother is getting married in three months. I am not sure if I will be invited to that or not. I have a feeling if I am it will be in a look after the kids type role as W is in the wedding party and the kids will be ring bearers. I imagine this must be hard for her brother as he was in my wedding party.

I just don't know if I will be invited. I don't know what will be worse being there or not. Last wedding I was at with W she didn't even want to dance with me and now I wonder if she was checking out of the MR then or if she just doesn't like to dance.

It just feels like you not only get separated from your W but her family slowly distances away from you as well.

I guess with me not going to her parents house for family dinners makes it easier for them to say no to inviting me.

Is this something I should ask about?

So W said last night she will go to the dentist with me and the kids.

[vise82]

Hey,

W has put a family calendar up and on it are dates that indicate she and the kids will be going out of town about 6 hours away for almost a week. She has not mentioned this to me so I can book off work. I guess that means I am not going.

We took kids to the dentist and one may have some work to do on his teeth. Also they booked their next appointment 6 months from now. I don't even know if we will be living in the same house then or if W will be even in the same city or where the kids will be living then. W just said that the date was fine.

I have seen a L and I know some what my rights now. I still want to work on the MR. I am DBing the best I can, I am more emotionally stable right now but can feel a break down coming after she leaves with the kids over night to her cousins. I am treating her like a neighbor saying hello good bye how was work.

We both are engaging together to look after the new pets in the house, we are both around for the kids. After kids go to bed we do our own thing in different parts of the house. When S4 was up last night in tooth pain we both were there in his room comforting him.

I am not pursuing, I am not begging, crying. I am returning her texts if its kid related, which almost all are. I am not the first to text, or email.

She has had many opportunity to ask about the S agreement lately but its all been about the new pets. I am not snooping as much anymore. I can tell she is deleting texts as I have the same phone and can tell by the ticks sounds as she does it in front of me when she gets home. She leaves her phone out in the open. She is fighting now with her boss at work over money. A situation she created because she feels with me gone she needs to make more money. She is just creating this crisis in her life that just does not need to be there.

My personality is the same as the guy she married. Our interaction right now is pretty much the same around the kids. We are obviously missing the closeness and intimacy. I don't think there is OM she is f*cking. I know she is talking to a married male neighbor now too as she told me he has houses that he rents and one day he showed up with her back pack that he used to travel in Europe with out his wife and kids. I had no idea that she gave it to him. She always kept the back pack at her parents house. Never told me a thing about lending it to him.

So I asked W if she told him about our S and that is how the topic of rental houses came up? She denies it and just said that she talks to people and she know about his houses. And that if I talked to people too I would find out stuff like that. I found it strange that one day the kids were outside and playing with his kids. He come out his house and up the street to where the kids were playing then half way there he sees me and turns around and goes back to his house. I thought he must of thought W was outside? And twice now she has showed me pictures of him on face book, one was to show a market we went to and it was to show me how busy the market was. I look at the picture and its a picture of him and the market in the background. Then the other time she shows me a picture of him at soccer and tells me to look he plays soccer like you at the same place. I know he posts on Facebook a lot, look at me I am eating pancakes, post, look at me I am walking the dog, post.

I am just venting right now and this post is going in a direction I was not planning on taking. But after reading what I was writing maybe there is something there I should keep an eye on.

[vise82]

hey,

Nothing much going on, I picked up the kids from school early and I took the kids to the dentist for a follow up and then took them to a nearby park they wanted to check out to kick the soccer ball around. We were there till the sun started to set, a couple of hours.

W was constantly texting to get up dates on the dentist. She was at her weight loss group and didn't get home till late. I made dinner for kids and did some craft type stuff with them. I had one kid fall asleep on me when she got home.

I put them to bed, then came down and seen the mess in the kitchen, was going to clean but them I could here W watching TV doing nothing so I just left it. There is no reason she couldn't clean the kitchen. And if she chooses not to clean then I will tomorrow.

I was finding it weird that as soon as the kids go to bed its like I don't exist in my W mind. Just another sign that its truly over I guess. I stay away from her to give her space.

This morning was OK I did the normal routine, said my good byes and left for work.

[otw]

I remember that feeling that wife would only acknowledge me for the kids. Probably is very true. I think you need to not put so much stock in when you all do things as a family. She is still a mother and wants her kids to be happy, even if that means putting on a front with you.

I know we have said it before but the in house is not ideal, even though you think you are giving her space, she is not getting the space she wants. I do believe when we give them the space they actually interpret as we are being cold to them and they are still ready to leave. Physically separating really gets them the space they need/want and then maybe a little reality comes in.

Keep up the good work

[vise82]

Hey,

So doing more 180s, took S4 to the dentist myself. W would normally take him.

I think I need to get out more because the dentist lady was very attractive. I feel so guilty when this happens as I am trying to save my MR and I feel all this attraction to a beautiful lady in front of me. I keep it all professional and it passes.

A bit of anxiety as W is taking kids overnight to her cousins house for a birthday party. I have not said a word about me going neither has my W.

It hurts a little because I like her cousin and know the kids well from family events and holidays. But I figure W needs the time to talk and think with out me there.