MLC W with OM, Part 12

[Wet]

Ok, I gotta stop watching NCIS.... my first thought was she's poisoning him and needs to get the paperwork in place before he kicks the bucket

OK, kml, you made me laugh with this one.

I thank y'all for the information you provided on pensions. My father recently died and he worked for over 20 years at a Fortune 500 company, and he set up his pension where my Mom only got 50% of his pension amount. And she really needed it! (being a classic homemaker for all of her life).

So yes, it all depends on how om sets up his pension.

W told me that om went to the hospital last week b/c he was "peeing blood". Yuck, tmi. Now my 2 minute Google search makes me an expert, and peeing blood is generally not that big of a deal.

So I continue to believe that om will likely outlive me.

[Gerda]

I was thinking about you today, Wet and thought I should send you a word. I know my posts come out of nowhere and are potentially over the top to most folks on this thread, but I feel a connection to you so I will still take that plunge! Do you know that I still pray for your and your wife? I didn't read through all the thread here as I am trying to avoid the forums and just stick to prayer; but it looks like there has been a lot of ugly drama, it sounds very hard. I will pray for you to find a way to hold your head above these dark waters and to keep having faith in restoration no matter how gross the circumstances are. From the little that I read here, it sounds like you are Hosea in this situation, down to the fact that she is feigning love for financial reward! Read Hosea again and again!

I had an amazing situation when I was at the lowest point I have been yet and was in Philly to see a friend who rents space from a church. She is not religious but arranged for me to talk to that priest because I was so low; he not only lifted me out of the pit but is now starting a chapter of The Way at my church in New York!, and out of the darkest moment of my life, so much good is going to come for so many people! -- the point being that if you stay in faith and trust God, you don't know how he will use your dark circumstances to bring light to others. Because if you really believe you are here on earth to know God more and more deeply, it doesn't matter how awful your wife is being. I know it HURTS, brutally bad! I know that the effect on our children is DEVASTATING and so so wrong. I cry everyday, but I cry to God only. Your journey to God is yours no matter what she is doing, and your response to what she does, if rooted in faith and love, keeps you close to God. Keep turning to God and tell him you want him to use you and focus on that, no matter what your wife is doing. I am going to paste below what that priest told me recently about the psalms -- I have been reading one each day and really praying it fervently and it ALWAYS IS EXACTLY WHAT I NEEDED THAT DAY to stay firm in my faith. Remember that God loves your wife too. He knows all the wrong she is doing and all the dark choices she is making, and he is calling her even if she can't hear it right now. I always tell my husband, "I know you made your choice, but I am here if you ever change your mind," and I say nothing else ever about anything, I just remove myself from any of his boundary crossing and go to church or go for a walk or pray in my room when I can. (Not always easy with kids around!) Slowly he is less angry. Still crazy but less angry. Anyway, I will keep praying for God to go into that tomb where your marriage lies dead and do the work of resurrection when the time is right. Here are the words from that priest, I hope they will help you --

My dear! Courage! Don't despair, it always comes from the Devil. He is a liar, "the father of lies", and we believe him everything, and how difficult instead to believe that our Lord is Risen from the dead! That He has already attained victory for us! That we won't remain in the cross forever! Don't be afraid! Don't despair, wait, hope in God, He will come, I assure you, give God a chance to enter into your own history as He did once with the people of Israel! Remember that Pharaoh resisted a lot before letting the people go! God has to send, not one, but ten plagues! Pray Evelyn! Read the psalms, they are all existential; your life is in their words. Read them and make them yours. I will pray for you and your husband. Just, don't despair, God is close to you, talk to God, convinced that He is listening to you.

[Wet]

Gerda! It always makes me happy to see you stopping by. Yes, I have given up on my marriage. My W has her wedding already planned in May to om (who allegedly/apparently is dying).

You know, I am doing ok. When you've been separated for 2 years and 10 months, and receive the training here from DB, I am ready, even anxious to move on. I have prayed sooooo many prayers for my marriage and my W, that I can trust that God has heard my prayers, but He is allowing something else to happen. I trust God, and what He is doing in my life. I'm ok with this.

I was texting d19 Tuesday night, she is having trouble with her taxes (her employer did not withhold any state taxes, and now she is hit with a $500+ tax bill she was not counting on.)

But she asked me if I was ready to start dating? and you know, I am not ready to date again. I still have some healing (physically and emotionally) to do. And I am ok with life as it is by now - just me and as much as s14 wants to be around (lately its just 1 day a week.) But we will see what tomorrow holds.

[Wet]

Ohh, the old Wet (as of one day ago) was so hopeful and naïve. I believed the divorce process was easy as long as you both sat done, both compromised, and a deal would be worked out.

Then I received W's attorney's email late yesterday. W and I sat down last Sunday and we hammered out the major issues of the divorce. I worked on the agreement and sent it to both W and her attorney on Thursday. And I was hopeful the divorce was done. Sigh.

W's attorney backed out of every fricken thing W agreed to last Sunday. Most hurtful was W again saying she wants sole physical custody of s14.

I picked up s14 yesterday and he tells me he wants to stay with me this week. Yay!!!!!!!!! Something happened between W and s14 and I don't care, and I don't want to hear about it. For this week I get my son.

[bttrfly]

Geez, Wet, something tells me that if you wait it out, W will spin back and forth so much her atty might end up firing her. Not sure why I feel that way. I could be completely wrong here ... I'm really glad S wants to be with you for the week ... YAY!
xoxoxo

[Gerda]

Hi, Wet -- I hear you! I have been standing for about five years and during that time I lived through cancer, my mother's death and my H's adultery, our financial ruin, as well as the terrors of raising our kids through the abandonment brought by MLC. I have moved on too -- but not to other men, just to God! I know my marriage is dead right now and I have totally detached from my H and I lead my own life with my kids but I plan to uphold my vow and keep believing that God can resurrect the marriage through any impossible circumstance. Obedience to God through standing gives me a lot of very intense and deep joy -- a different joy than I pictured for myself in my life, but i think a much deeper one, even alongside all the sorrow.

For some reason for the past year or so, even though I don't go to these boards anymore, I was drawn to tell you all the things I have said to you and to keep you and your W in my prayers. I hope you don't mind. I send you and your family a lot of love and faith, I know you are a wonderful father and a rock to your kids, it gives me so much hope in humanity to see how you are about your kids. They will treasure it all their lives, no matter what.


Edited - link not allowed


Love and blessings on you and your family.

- Gerda

[job]

Gerda,
It's great to see you return to post to Wet. However, we aren't allowed to post links to other sites that discuss MLC and also indicate the site. The moderators may censor your posting and remove the link.

[kat727]

Hey Wet, just checking in. Hope that things are going more your way and that your W finds a way to keep her word.
I didn't stop working to save my marriage until here we were in court and he says there is no way to salvage it. He was done. Isn't is ironic how it takes two people to get married and only one to get divorced?

Thinking of you, kat

[OneLessWife]

Are you doing ok WET......

[Wet]

Hi everyone, well that was an unexpected 2+ weeks. I was going thru a horrible flu, when I fell on the floor and next thing I know I was in an ambulance being taken to a hospital.

It turns out that going to the hospital was the best thing that could have happened. I have been battling with my lung issues for over 3 years with a doctor who prescribed antibiotics but nothing more. The hospital's doctors could tell they were dealing with something more than just simple lung issues.

They did a bronchoscopy and discovered I had not only pneumonia for over 3 years but also strep in my blood. They aggressively treated me - which led to my getting c dif also.

I had renal failure, dehydrated, along with the flu and the lung issues, so it was pretty serious when I was first admitted. But they kept digging and now have a game plan for dealing with the lung problem and not just medicating it.

So today I was released from the hospital, and went back to my apartment. Ahhh, it feels good to be back at home. It will take some time to regain my strength.