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#2649679 02/03/16 07:58 AM
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Previous Topic: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2616587&page=1

A quick summary - MLC W has done the dating sites, and the dating scene. She has settled on a younger man 44 years old ("om") who is now living with her.

S14 was living with them during the week, but he is now living with me 24/7. I drive him to school and pick him up in the evenings after he hangs out at a friend's house.

D21 is now pregnant living with her bf for the past few months.

I feel like Dorothy being spun thru the tornado. I'm not in Kansas anymore!


Me-54 yrs; W: 50 yrs
4 kids- D: 22,20,19; S:15
"Trial" Divorce: 04/14 - 6/14
Separated: 06/2013- divorced 08/2016

“The strongest of all warriors are these two — Time and Patience.” War and Peace
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Yesterday's blizzard brought some things to a head. The snow started around 11 am, with strong winds.

I texted W in the early afternoon to see if s14 could crash at her place for the night (which is where s14 is dropped off by his school bus.) This would let me avoid having to travel in the height of the snowstorm.

W called me. She was upset and started crying. She told me s14 needs to be with me for the next 2 week. I need to stand up for s14 right now. I asked her what was going on and she told me a scary story:

Sunday night om made a nice meal and he "politely" invited s14 to come out of his room and to eat together. He left s14's bedroom door open to encourage him to come out - s14 shut the door.

A little later, om went back to s14's bedroom to invite him to have some dessert W made, leaving the door open. S14 shuts the door. W tells me no cross words were said by om, and no raised voices. Ya, right. smirk

After this, om went back to s14's bedroom asked s14 if he wanted to come and help clean up the kitchen with W and om, and s14's response was to slam the open bedroom door.

S14 became agitated, and W tried to calm him down. But s14 ended up grabbing a kitchen knife and threatened to stab om. Noooo!

S14 ended up walking around the neighborhood that night until 4 am - it was cold. Monday morning was when s14 was throwing up during his 1st class and I picked him up from school, and I have had him ever since.

W's story makes no sense, and I know there are always 2 sides to a story. But something set s14 off, and he is big and strong, and if he loses his temper bad things might happen.

Last night s14 was picking his toenails and I asked him if we wanted a toenail clipper, and a flash of rage came over him as he said "No. You're making me angry!" I used this as a learning opportunity and told him that sometimes I get angry I wear a rubber band on my wrist, and when I feel that emotion, I snap the rubber band to help me pull myself back.

S14immediately calmed down, and said "Dad I was just joking."

But I do see glimpses of the 'old' s14 already. He is smiling. Laughing. Dancing (the Cam Newton version of the 'Dab'.) He is joking around with me.

I see that I have to protect our son from W's lifestyle. I will fight for custody if/when W brings her divorce Petition. I can drive s14, and I will have him as long as he wants to be here.


Me-54 yrs; W: 50 yrs
4 kids- D: 22,20,19; S:15
"Trial" Divorce: 04/14 - 6/14
Separated: 06/2013- divorced 08/2016

“The strongest of all warriors are these two — Time and Patience.” War and Peace
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I am sorry you are going through this rough time. I just want to commend you for being a stand up dad. Be the lighthouse for your S.

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Thanks tfish08.

A really good day. D21 texted me a picture of her ultrasound - the baby is perfect and healthy. D21 is starting to get excited too, which makes me happy. grin

I visited Mom. She is going thru a rough patch after losing her husband (my Dad) of 63 years. She told me that she thinks it is time for Dad to come back now. She also told me she is having a difficult time praying. It was good for me to just sit and listen to Mom, and offer gentle encouragement where I could.

Having s14 live with me gives me such encouragement. He is safe here. I have someone to care for. It is lifting my spirits.

Work is going smoothly. And I have the Carolina Panthers as my bet for the Super Bowl!

Ok, you may want to place your mortgage betting on Denver. I have picked the incorrect team in the Super Bowl for something like 15 years straight. shocked I'm saying this is a pretty bad trend?! But maybe this year...


Me-54 yrs; W: 50 yrs
4 kids- D: 22,20,19; S:15
"Trial" Divorce: 04/14 - 6/14
Separated: 06/2013- divorced 08/2016

“The strongest of all warriors are these two — Time and Patience.” War and Peace
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you are handling a very scary situation extremely well! xoxoxo


M 20+ T25+
S ~15.5 (BD)
BD 4/6/15
D 12/23/16

"Someone I loved once gave me
A box full of darkness.
It took me years to understand,
That this too, was a gift."
~ Mary Oliver
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Quote:
I will fight for custody if/when W brings her divorce Petition.
Really Wet? What is it going to take for you to see the bigger picture? Do you have to wait until your son snaps and hurts the OM? Does the OM have to hurt him first?

Go file now. If you want to let him stay with his mom otherwise, then you have that option later. But for now, I would strongly suggest you see this as a wake-up call to get your son out of there. Do it before it becomes a bigger issue. She won't likely fight you on it and I have no idea where you get the idea a 14 year old boy has a say in it after that story.

Now get to gettin...

AJ


"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK
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Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
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Hello Wet,

I'm very happy to hear that your son is with you 24/7.

The story you described from your wife is worrisome. True, there are 2 sides to every story (possibly 3 in this case). What has your son said about it? Teenage boys can certainly have a short fuse, but this sounds like more investigating would be appropriate.

How is he doing in school? Is there a counselor at school that either of you speak with?

The "just kidding" comment during the toenail clipping is teenage boy lingo for "Oh, I just got caught doing something I shouldn't? Then I must have been kidding" IMHO

Hang in there!
Cristy


A Divorce Busting Coach can help you save your marriage, even when your spouse wants out.

Email virginia@divorcebusting.com or 303-444-7004 for more information or to get started right away.
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Wet

the situation with son 14 and OM concerns me

If it were my kid, I would also fight to get him out of there permanently
maybe wife can visit with him at a neutral place alone

The MLCer usually affairs down and this OM with a prior criminal record and possible alcohol use can be a terrible influence on a teenager..it could potentially hurt him..thats not something I would want for my kids if there was any possible way to protect him I would-
its a delicate age…

good luck


married 14 years
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Thank you everyone for your thoughts and insights. Cristy, s14 hasn't talked about it until last night. Here is a couple of stories that s14 told me that "built up" to his threatening om this past Sunday night:

- om asked s14 if he would like to go to the batting cages - at the same time as my Father/s14's Papa's funeral;

- as soon as s14 went back to W/om's place after he just saw his grandfather pass away before his own eyes, the first thing om said was "I'm really sorry your grandfather passed away. Let's play 'Call of Duty' and I will "kill" you.

I see how these mean, or at a minimum stupidly thoughtless words by om could start s14's emotions to want to hurt him. When I asked s14 last night what was the 'final straw' on Sunday night, he just bowed his head for 5 minutes, and he stayed silent.

I told s14 he cannot pick up a knife and threaten om. Never. Ever. I said I don't want to lose him and have him taken away to 'juvee'.

Then s14 offered me some jelly beans, that he picked up with his friends as they hung out at a mall last night. The box of jelly beans had some delicious flavors like 'dirty diaper' and 'dog's vomit'. As we chewed on a few of these jelly beans we groaned at the flavors, spit a few out, and chuckled together. It lifted the emotional talk.


Me-54 yrs; W: 50 yrs
4 kids- D: 22,20,19; S:15
"Trial" Divorce: 04/14 - 6/14
Separated: 06/2013- divorced 08/2016

“The strongest of all warriors are these two — Time and Patience.” War and Peace
Joined: Apr 2014
Posts: 1,121
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Hi Wet,

First, let me say that I am so sorry for the loss of your father.

I'm going to play devil's advocate for a moment. OM offered to take S14 to batting cages, possibly to take S14's mind off of his troubles with the loss of his beloved Papa? Same with inviting S14 to play Call of Duty? OM could have been trying to be nice/supportive? Clearly the timing and word choice needs help, but his intentions appear to be in the right place.

Good call on being firm with the knife and threatening behavior. It just isn't worth it for S14 to go down that road! You may still want to reach out to his school counselor to see how he is doing at school. If anything were to escalate between S14 and OM, it would be good to have a respected 3rd party involved. Maybe the counselor would be able to mask a meeting with S14 simply as checking in with random students, etc. Maybe the counselor could offer him some of those nasty jelly beans as a diversion, lol!

Definitely keep S4 with you 24/7 and him visitation with Mom at a neutral location. Is that in line with any custody arrangements?

Cristy


A Divorce Busting Coach can help you save your marriage, even when your spouse wants out.

Email virginia@divorcebusting.com or 303-444-7004 for more information or to get started right away.
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