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I know it has been said many times about you talking to a lawyer, I just can't remember if you actually have talked to one about what to do to protect yourself. Again, I want to suggest that you not look at staying with your folks as moving out of your home at the moment. Don't pack up all your belongings and move to their place. However, you could tell your W that you think you will spend some time with them, in order to have some space.

Look, I don't know the law where you live. Neither am I a lawyer. That is why I tell you to get legal advice where you live. I am just looking at the picture from your own writings. I see a man in serious turmoil, where one wrong move could escalate to tragedy. That is why I am pleading with you to go spend some time staying with your parents. You need some space from the tension and problems. Give yourself and your W some breathing room. Would this not be okay to do for a while?


It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
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Hi sandi2

I have got two IC sessions booked for next week and also I have a telephone counselling session where I want to talk about other forms of counselling that might be available to me I chatted with my best friend this morning whilst walking around a park for two hrs and it was really helpful for me to talk to him

I also met up with another friend that has been through divorce and has since re married and he spent about 1 HR talking about how things can get better

I have started the ball rolling with mediation and they should be in touch with me next week with an appointment

Not sure what will happen there I will listen a lot and I will hear what she has to say

I could go to my mums I just do not know how this will make me happy

Will msg again later

Meeting up with the same friend from this morning for a meal

Thank you sandi for checking in on me

Hugs
Ghost


Me:48 W 41
M:18 T:26
2 D 18 & 4
2 S 17 & 13
Bomb: 20/7/2015 in house separation
D filed 06/17
Separate houses 10/17
D Final 29/12//17.
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Ghost, going to your mum's will not make you happy, but you are not happy anyway, and your happiness is not exactly the goal right now. You need to diffuse the situation and make sure your 2 year old is not caught up in her parents' emotional outbursts. I wish you well, glad you have some friends to talk to.


BD 2/15
separation 1/16
formerly Pho or Fo
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Okay, good to hear you are pursuing more counseling.

Quote:
I could go to my mums I just do not know how this will make me happy


Are you really listening? At the moment it is not about something making you happy! It is about keeping you out of a possible volatile situation. It is about putting space between you and the W. It is about protecting yourself, Ghost. What do you think I've been saying? I know that I have repeated that staying at your mom's is not the same as moving in with her.

Btw, just curious why you refer to it as being your mom's home? You rarely refer to it as your parents' home.


It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
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My father passed away a year and a half ago so I refer this as my mums house now.

So Sandi do you think I should stay at my mums for a few days or few weeks or from now onwards ....till we sell the house how do I decide what is right.


Many thanks
Ghost


Me:48 W 41
M:18 T:26
2 D 18 & 4
2 S 17 & 13
Bomb: 20/7/2015 in house separation
D filed 06/17
Separate houses 10/17
D Final 29/12//17.
Joined: Jul 2015
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Ghost
Everyone has told you the same thing. Meet with the lawyer. Make sure you are not going to be held accountable for leaving children. Go stay at mothers for a while. Yes fine a few weeks. Don't take stuff. You are not moving there. You are going to stay there. Make up a story if needed. Say she needs some help with things.

You are going to make a bad situation happen staying at home.


M 37
W 34

T 12
M 8
D 7
S 4

Need break 4/12/15
W no ring 7/7/15

Separate room 4/12/15
Separate living suggested 8/15
W moved out 11/1/15
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IMO, I would not try to give any set amount of time to stay with your mother. The point is not so much about how long you stay, as it about why you stay. However, I think you should go with the intentions of it making a sizable difference in your erratic around your family. And personally, I think that would take more than just a handful of days.

As to what to say to your W about staying with your mum, I think you could just tell her that you need some space. Don't say much more than that, and when she ask how long.....you don't know at the moment. I can't see her objecting, b/c she wants you to leave.

Again, I am pleased you have uped the counseling. I did not see that you had made an appointment with a lawyer, yet. If you have discussed this with one in the past, I have forgotten.......which is very possible, b/c I had forgotten about your father being deceased. Logical explanation of why you would refer to the home as your mum's, huh?


It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
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I would like to offer a slightly different voice.

In light of the FOO returning to mums permanently might there be difficulty and triggering?

I like that this is referred to as mums house, it reclaims the space for the family and especially for AP.

I like Sandi idea of a few days away with mum, a taster of being on your own but not on your own.

Please seek L support, this is vital in the UK.

Hugs

V


Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose.
V 64, WAW


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Hi I do see that my actions the other day were completely out of order and my wife must have been scared which led to her anger I have not been seeing things clearly

I have taken some legal advice a couple of months ago but this was just a couple of free taster sessions

I do not want to make my sitch worse so before I offer to give my W some space I will seek some legal advice.

My W and I are still talking eating together watching TV together and generally getting along ....do I speak to my W with a heartfelt apology over how I behaved and how I made her feel I want to reassure her that I am never going to put her in that position again and that I was behaving out of character as I was.

I was not violent towards her I was not agressive with my behaviour I did not raise my voice, I did partially block her way from leaving with my daughter and I lightly touched her arm and used the words please can we talk about this. There was no threading behaviour or aggressive behaviour towards her however I,do see how my actions did make her feel scared

This all developed from me getting upset and trashing junk / unimportant things which she saw as important

For now I will very much keep myself to myself and let her do all the approaching if she wants to interact with me

Thank you and I will seek legal advice

Ghost


Me:48 W 41
M:18 T:26
2 D 18 & 4
2 S 17 & 13
Bomb: 20/7/2015 in house separation
D filed 06/17
Separate houses 10/17
D Final 29/12//17.
Joined: Jun 2015
Posts: 1,453
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Not only were my actions out of order they were out of character

Been to the gym this morning had a good workout session

Going to give my W as much space as I can I will let her be the one to initiate any communication and interactions.

I hate this position just have to accept it along with everyone else

As soon as she started adding emotional abuse into the equation I do not have any hope...when she told me she wanted out because I was not doing enough with the children all around the house this was quite easy to fix but how do I fix a mindset where she feels that I have been emotionally abusive and perhaps I have been more so than I ever realised.

I need to keep reading the rules and try and follow them thank you


Me:48 W 41
M:18 T:26
2 D 18 & 4
2 S 17 & 13
Bomb: 20/7/2015 in house separation
D filed 06/17
Separate houses 10/17
D Final 29/12//17.
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