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I was nagging, controlling, super dependent, pyscho at times, paranoid. I was the same girl. I was the same, I blame myself for 70% of my marriage failing.

Maybe DON'T work on your M issues. Just work on you. I gave up on working on my M. I am working on me until my WAH come back because there is no point to work on my M if it's just me working. I am working on me and DB and 180 and doing it all for me(and hopefully have my H see the light. maybe but i'm going on with or without him.)


Me:24 H:26
T:7yrs M:4yrs
S:4 D:5
ILYBNILWY 12/5
PA Confirmed 2/19


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That's how I'm feeling tonight - work on me, don't worry about anyone else. Still plan for the future as best as I can, but a future without H.

The hardest thing is NOT letting his actions/words control me. Not analyzing what he's saying/feeling. It's hard. I'm working on it - working on me. Focusing on me.

Why is it so hard? I'm not used to focusing on me. I haven't got years. It's weird.


29/H29
T:8/M:6
D4
Overseas JAN15-16
ILYBNILWY- DEC15
BD - JAN16
Separated - MARCH16
D Filed - MAY16
OW confirmed - JUNE16

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My life was Husband, Kids. Husband, Kids. I literally waited on him hand a foot and did everything for my kids. It's weird focusing on me. Some days I sit here and wonder who I even am anymore, who am I? what do I LIKE? where do I want to go? 99% of the time I have no idea. I feel like we both are going to really growfrom all of this.


Me:24 H:26
T:7yrs M:4yrs
S:4 D:5
ILYBNILWY 12/5
PA Confirmed 2/19


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Originally Posted By: roar
I feel like its hard today to find the motivation to work on my issues in the M with how I behaved. It's like...why bother? Deep down I know I'll be better for it. I just need to stick it through.
Because you need to. It's for yourself and for your marriage, whether it is this one or the next.

roar, red - For both of you smile I can't tell you how many times in my sitch I felt the same way with thoughts of Screw it. I'm done. It took quite a while of looking inwards and realizing that I did need to change anyway. Gave me strength and a desire to keep moving.

You both are strong, deeply caring, insightful women. This is a great opportunity to reinvent yourselves and become the women you want to be. Take advantage of the space you have. Keep journals of goals, qualities, plans. Keep coming here and seeking the advice and thoughts of the DB community.


M: 8.5 T:10
Me:37 W:34 S:6

Retrouvaille and W moves back- 7/31/15
Piecing - 7/4/15 to present
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Originally Posted By: Rednail
My life was Husband, Kids. Husband, Kids. I literally waited on him hand a foot and did everything for my kids. It's weird focusing on me. Some days I sit here and wonder who I even am anymore, who am I? what do I LIKE? where do I want to go? 99% of the time I have no idea. I feel like we both are going to really growfrom all of this.


Yes.
I feel like I'm outgrowing my own body.
That's a good question - what do I even like? Thats something I never felt was important to consider. You described me perfectly above. Hand and foot - dutiful wife.


29/H29
T:8/M:6
D4
Overseas JAN15-16
ILYBNILWY- DEC15
BD - JAN16
Separated - MARCH16
D Filed - MAY16
OW confirmed - JUNE16

Joined: Jan 2016
Posts: 104
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Originally Posted By: Squiggy
Originally Posted By: roar
I feel like its hard today to find the motivation to work on my issues in the M with how I behaved. It's like...why bother? Deep down I know I'll be better for it. I just need to stick it through.
Because you need to. It's for yourself and for your marriage, whether it is this one or the next.

roar, red - For both of you smile I can't tell you how many times in my sitch I felt the same way with thoughts of Screw it. I'm done. It took quite a while of looking inwards and realizing that I did need to change anyway. Gave me strength and a desire to keep moving.

You both are strong, deeply caring, insightful women. This is a great opportunity to reinvent yourselves and become the women you want to be. Take advantage of the space you have. Keep journals of goals, qualities, plans. Keep coming here and seeking the advice and thoughts of the DB community.


Thank you :] I am journaling and it helps. I have a vision of this woman, and I'm going to get there. She got lost in all the life and stress that happens. Just keep swimming...


29/H29
T:8/M:6
D4
Overseas JAN15-16
ILYBNILWY- DEC15
BD - JAN16
Separated - MARCH16
D Filed - MAY16
OW confirmed - JUNE16

Joined: Jan 2016
Posts: 104
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Just got off the phone with H after he told me he was upset that I've been talking with his family - because that's where I'll be going post D.

He says he can't trust me, but doesn't have any real examples of why I'm untrustworthy.
He doesn't want to live with me after we move, but agreed because it's the best for D4.
He thinks its weird that I'll be living with his family because in the future, bringing someone home may be awkward (I said if they loved you, they would understand).

I apologized and he said it's too late - we should have been working towards the D a while ago. News to me. I keep thinking, was he really that unhappy?

So, WTH do I do with all of this?

Clearly, I disgust him and he can't be rid of me soon enough.

The true test will be how I handle myself when he does get back. I'm not sure how to go about doing that.


29/H29
T:8/M:6
D4
Overseas JAN15-16
ILYBNILWY- DEC15
BD - JAN16
Separated - MARCH16
D Filed - MAY16
OW confirmed - JUNE16

Joined: Jan 2016
Posts: 104
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roar Offline OP
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Couldn't sleep last night wondering when I would wake up from this dream. This life doesn't feel like mine and none of this feels right.

Last night H messaged a thank you for talking with him and that he was sorry for everything.

I wonder if he realizes, truly understands the scope of the decisions he's making. I don't think he realizes I'll never go away, I'll always be a reminder of his choice. Right now, he may not have good memory flash backs...but I plan, from this day forward not making another bad memory.

I essentially have a year, from this month. Thanks to state laws, he can't really rush me out any sooner.

It's just incredibly painful to feel thrown away knowing that I continue to forgive, and understand.

A year to become the best me, true to me, self possible. A year to put the floor back under my feet, be an adult and deal with the fact that life isn't turning out how I envisioned yet again (God...hello? Me here....)

Maybe we'll all look back on these moments one day and think...THANK GOD...because I needed to change...

I started thinking about what I want in a man, and got creeped about the idea of ML to someone else. I'm trying not to mind-read but I'm sure he's excited to. It's killing me, all of it. GAL GAL GAL 180 180 180. I feel like the work I have ahead of me is going to make or break me, truly. I don't know how to live with this man. I don't know how to NOT be HIS.


29/H29
T:8/M:6
D4
Overseas JAN15-16
ILYBNILWY- DEC15
BD - JAN16
Separated - MARCH16
D Filed - MAY16
OW confirmed - JUNE16

Joined: Jan 2016
Posts: 516
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Quote:

I started thinking about what I want in a man, and got creeped about the idea of ML to someone else. I'm trying not to mind-read but I'm sure he's excited to. It's killing me, all of it. GAL GAL GAL 180 180 180. I feel like the work I have ahead of me is going to make or break me, truly. I don't know how to live with this man. I don't know how to NOT be HIS.


It is going to make us. MAKE US INTO AMAZING WOMEN.It will be okay. Baby steps lovely. When I cant handle thinking of weeks or days into the future I break it into okay lets get through today..and like yesterday I was like let me get through this hour or two at a time.

Do you have a list of 180s you want to work on or ideas for GAL?


Me:24 H:26
T:7yrs M:4yrs
S:4 D:5
ILYBNILWY 12/5
PA Confirmed 2/19


Joined: Jan 2016
Posts: 516
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Originally Posted By: roar
Couldn't sleep last night wondering when I would wake up from this dream. This life doesn't feel like mine and none of this feels right.

I wonder if he realizes, truly understands the scope of the decisions he's making. I don't think he realizes I'll never go away, I'll always be a reminder of his choice. Right now, he may not have good memory flash backs...but I plan, from this day forward not making another bad memory.

It's just incredibly painful to feel thrown away knowing that I continue to forgive, and understand.


After the talk with my H this morning I think I understand how you feel more and more. I am now feeling like I am going to be a WAW and give up and just move on with my life because the pain is so much that I keep asking myself how much worse can it get.


Me:24 H:26
T:7yrs M:4yrs
S:4 D:5
ILYBNILWY 12/5
PA Confirmed 2/19


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