To add, why can't he just tell me, I am still not sure what I feel or what to do? That he still feels lost? At least I would know.
Instead, I wonder if he is just putting off divorce because of the emotional and financial issues that come with it...but that in the meantime, he is done and I am still sitting here hoping....
My frustration is, why so silent? What does it mean?
Me 48 H 46 S 11 M 2004 BD 8/13 H moved out 2/15 -live in the present, enjoy the beauty around and within you, explore your new future-
Hi Mleigh - just caught up and want to say that I understand your frustration completely.
I know your h is the silent type. The problem is, my h has talked (a lot) through some of his MLC and still it makes NO SENSE. 1/2 the time he contradicts himself (completely) and the other 1/2 he can't remember anything he has said. And all conversations are bizarre.
I hate to say it but even if the MLCer did say anything, unless his actions back it, I think he is just showing a glimpse of what they are thinking in that very exact moment.
Thinking of you.
Me 41, H 47, M 15 yrs, S11, S13 BD 1: 11/4/14 we work on it; really I pretzel myself BD 2: 3/31/15 H goes down to "dorm room" 8/15: H back to MBR 10/15: H back in dorm room 1/18: H files, now divorced
Why so silent? What does it mean? It means that he still doesn't know what to do. It means that he's processing stuff and quite frankly, they are lucky if they can remember what they've said or done in the last 20 minutes. Also, it means that you've not been rattling his cage for answers and that's when the ugly comes out to play. Be thankful that he's a quiet type of mlcer and not one that yells, is angry all of the time, etc. You are so lucky in that department, i.e., the softer MLCer.
He's not at the point that he can actually tell you what you want to hear or even what you don't want to hear.
I would dig deeper for patience and continue moving along w/your life.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Job, thanks for the link. I already checked it out and the story sounds interesting.
Mleigh, your story about you friends is also inspiring. You just never know what can happen down the road. I just don’t want to think that it will take 10 year for our spouses to realize what they had and chose to give up, and then want it back... I always had a hope that this process would be a bit faster.
I think I read it on your thread a recommendation to read about daughters of narcissistic mothers. I did… Now I can better understand why I was the way I was. My mother was not exhibiting all the conditions, but.. oh boy, there were quite a few. I think I dealt with most of the damages in the last couple of year, with the exception of the ability to set firm boundaries. I still struggle with that.
I agree with job. Your last conversation with H spooked him a bit. He now has to think about the answers, poor guy, LOL. He thought that everything is just going to be the way it is. You are still in the picture, doing all kinds of family stuff with him, but he has his own place and nothing to worry about. Sometimes you have to shake them off in order to get some movement in direction or another. I have a feeling that you are so ready to do that.
M:50 H:52 S28 (my S from previous marriage) M:17 + 3 BD: 06/12 S: 06/12 - H works in another state
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
