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#2646951 01/25/16 04:22 PM
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Was2sad Offline OP
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Haven't been here in forever. Lived here too long back then, but needed the support at the time. No big secret solution to share with anyone. It ain't easy and it don't always work the way we wish.

My WAW was MLC and got her D, ten years ago. Life up to that was a drowning pool for me, but I kept paddling. Most of my friends here swam with all they had, and finally swam away. At some point so did I. I rebuilt myself, healed myself, and became a better person. I like to think I would have done that even without the life changes I was dealt. Don't know. Probably not.

The X visited my dad as he was dying in the hospital recently, and attended the funeral. It was powerful moments of change all the way around. We both experienced an extremely natural and calm sensation in our interactions. I broke my long term no contact and hadwrote a thank you, sharing how good it felt to be able to see and speak again, without the terrors and fears.

She wrote back and mentioned mistakes she made, and she shared the feelings in the hospital. For moments, we were family, and she had been thinking about me a lot now.

I spoke with her mom and found she was thinking of me a couple years ago but did not try contact. I made that fairly impossible even as she tried a few test emails. I was not ready, not by email. I could not see her face, hear her voice, feel her essence near me.

I took her mom to lunch and discussed things more. I said I will not be the man that interferes in a relationship of another couple. The X made contact the next day to say she was moving out from the man she was with the last couple years. There were others before him these past years, but they "were not me".

She is at her mom's now. We are "dating" and it feels so right. It may not take. We are being so honest in talks that it hurts. That has opened deep and terrible wounds between her and our sons. One has held too much in for too long, not even considering her his mother. He is currently on the phone giving her both barrels, all he has held in. Don't know how that will end or affect my chances. She asked for honesty. Much happened that she does not remember, did not know she was doing while in her fog.

He doens't deserve what happened to him. He does not deserve to have to carry it around inside. This is piecing. It is not easy. It is not just the two of us. If we can make the journey all the way back to a relationship, piecing will never end. It is not for the timid or weak.

When I was here I read everything. I bought books and built a library. I made a two year calendar matching the six stages. I later read of a five year MLC and thought oh no, I couldn't survive that. Finally after too long, I read about a ten year MLC and said no way.

Mine was not a ten year MLC. The MLC did not last the entire time. However from the beginning, long before D, I do believe it was all of five years. The time after that was the wall I built around myself in no contact to protect my own self. I needed it then, and looking back, we might not be able to try again now if I had not taken all of that time to work on myself and prepare for this unexpected opportunity.

Niether of us married in these ten years. I never allowed myself such a relationship. I didn't have it to give others until I had given myself what I needed to. I don't know how it will end but I am hopeful for a happy future more than in several years. I pray for all here to find their happiness in whatever flavor live provids. You have to make yourself ready for the time you find it.

Don't know about updating more. Maybe. Hope to be very busy working on my happiness.

Was2sad

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That's a great story. What she's dealing with your son is all part of the consequences she needs to face. If she can do that without running away again, then you've got a great chance at making it.

Counseling is a must though if you get really close.


M-43 W-40
2D - 9 and 5

Emotion, yet peace.
Ignorance, yet knowledge.
Passion, yet serenity.
Chaos, yet harmony.
Death, yet a new life.

RECONCILED AND WISER
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Was2Sad, Good to hear a story with a great ending. There are not a lot of those here. Thank you for sharing. It gives me inspiration and hope.

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Was2sad, thank you for coming back and posting this. It gives a great insight into MLCer's journey. I hope you will continue to post the updates. I really hope you can work it out with your XW.


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S28 (my S from previous marriage)
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S: 06/12 - H works in another state
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Was2Sad,
I'm very happy that you returned w/an update and I do hope and pray that everything will work out for you and your family.

Take things slowly and continue to allow her to come to you. You fought the battle and stayed the course and came out the other end a far wiser and stronger man that you thought you'd ever be. No one knows just how long a person's crisis will take because each one is different...but your posting says it all. Patience is the key, moving forward and using your timely wisely and truly a gift.

You will not recognize my current poster name, but I am "snodderly" and followed your many postings in the MLC Forum for a very long time and I am very, very happy to see that there may be a success story for you and your family.

Please don't be a stranger, come back and visit again and let us know how you are doing.


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
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Job,
Hello old friend smile
It's nice to see a familiar name.
Hope you're doing well
Much love
F&H
X

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mirepoi,
I don't recognize your new poster name or the F&H. Do you want to give me a hint as to who you are so that I can properly welcome you back to the Board?


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
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Job,
Good morning smile
It's a brand new day and the sun is shining.
All you need is faith and hope, and maybe some chocolate
Happy Sunday
X

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I know who you are! I'm sorry you are back on the Forum.


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
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Job.....
Me too frown

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